Thursday Visit

November 28

Last full day with Little Miss. Tomorrow we only see her in the morning and then we drive back to the capital to sign our papers to proceed with her adoption.

This morning was an ok visit. Little Miss is now brought down to the playroom before we get there. The caregiver says she calms down as soon as she comes to the room because she knows we are coming. Poor girl is going to be crushed next week.

They left a bottle of juice in the room with us. I tried feeding it to her. At first it went ok and then she totally flipped out! I think she had a sore throat and the acid from the juice hit her. She puked not too long after. There had been times I caught her swallowing her spit up this week. Yuck.

Today was a breakthrough!!  She allowed me to put her on the floor!  We played for a bit (until she puked). She is trusting us. Grr the process sucks. Lets build her trust and then leave! Sooo stupid!

The therapist took us down to her therapy room to show us what she does to help strengthen her. Little munchkin wanted nothing to do with it though. She cried through the whole ordeal. Broke my heart. I just wanted to pick her up and make her feel better. The therapist said the same thing about Little Miss in that she knows us and just wants to be with us. As soon as she was in my arms again, she melted right into me. She was so comfortable and not stimming... Something we didn't see of her yet.

 

In the afternoon, she must have had a great nap as she was super playful. She sure likes the glow worm and noisy book a friend of ours sent!!! I have all the songs memorized (again) ha ha! 

From the hubby:

 

"I am thankful that some restaurants have fully translated menu's in English. How else would I be able to spot a great deal on a Beef head with tripe. But I didn't order it, I fear an entire beef head would be too much to eat. "

Wednesday Visit

November 27

Today is an emotional draining day. Little Miss does not like to be put down (I don't blame her... She's getting full attention and love right now). We tried to see her scars (from her heart surgery a year ago) and this made her very upset with us. It took a while to calm her down. The staff around us were quick to find things to "clean" so they could check on us.

After that, we were given a tour of the floor she lives on. Our facilitator says this is one of the better orphanages. If this is better, I don't want to see worse. We saw her groupa today (the kids in her group). So cute. But so many. It made me really sad to see a ten year old girl the size of a toddler in this group laying/playing with them. From the size of her head, I'm sure she has hydrocephalus.

We saw the sleeping area. A dozen cribs crammed in a small space. Was it a coincidence that Little Miss's bed had the only toy in it??? I think not.

The area she eats in... The hallway! In a teeny tiny highchair. The director was proud to show us the older kids "everything room" for food and recreation. She tells us that they teach them to be independent. Personally, I think it's just easier for them.

The tour was nice, but we wonder how much of this is a show. There are so many other rooms with doors shut. Another floor that we were not permitted to visit. Ya... Not fishy.

I'm feeling a bit homesick am overwhelmed today (I also missed my oldest daughter's first volleyball tournament today). I had to fight back tears a few times. This is hard.

Second visit was better. Little Miss definitely knows who we are. She reaches out for us when the caregivers bring her in the room. We are figuring out her personality. I love making her laugh! We even got her to play sitting on the ground with us (on our lap). I think what makes this hard is that we already see this quick change in her personality. We see her learning things (like eye contact and kisses) but it upsets me that we do this and then leave her for months. I knew this was the process and I knew it was going to be tough. It's uber excruciating when you have accepted to be her mother and feel like you are abandoning her. You want the best. You know that she is worth more than what is given here. In due time she will be here. In due time.

We saw a lot of her orphanage behaviour today that she does to entertain herself. That was very tough to watch. The rocking (this was the first time we saw her do it), the hand sucking (reason for an open sore/blister), the weird sound she makes in her mouth, and her crazy fascination with her fingers (which she contorts her hand backwards while watching her fingers).

This child needs prayers and so do the staff that work with her. The kids that are there also. We live good lives here.  I cannot wait for my baby to join us!

 

The orphanage liked the donations of clothes, toys and other things that came with us. They said some of it was used right away. Thank you to all that contributed!!!  We were given the suitcases back so we DEFINITELY will fill them again for next trip!!!

 

Posted from the hubby:

 

 "on the way home I noticed we almost hit a small dog, there are many wild dogs. Then we almost hit a second small dog, it was dark out. I said "lots of small dogs tonight". The driver replied, "we have no small dogs, I think that was a wild pig".  "  Ha ha!!!

 

"Today when we crossed the bridge that is only narrow enough for one car, but has traffic in both directions, I asked how they know who has the right of way. The explanation was it is similar to a intersection with four way stop. This left me more confused, and glad I am not driving.

 

"In BG coffee made by Nescafé is highly revered. Italy is also close by, so Italian espresso is also popular. But we haven't met anyone that knew what a latte was, so the closest drink is a cappuccino."

 

"if I order a "Coke" I get a natural juice drink called 'Cappy', if I order a "cola" I get what I expect (the pop), if I order a "Coca-Cola" I get asked which one I want (the cappy or the pop)."

Tuesday Visit

Tuesday, Nov 26

I love the food here!!! It's cheap too which is a bonus. I am a pretty picky eater but I have loved everything I have tried so far! 

Our visits are going well. I think the orphanage staff and facilitator like us. Our facilitator complemented us at dinner; that made us feel like things are going well. The staff at the orphanage seem to like our relationship with Little Miss. There were five families meeting kids today!! We got a playroom instead of the lobby thankfully! It was so much more private.  Even our translator and facilitator were in another room.  Their room was connected to ours with a window the adjoined the two rooms.  Whenever a staff member came to talk with us, our translator could quickly zip over to help the discussion.  They must have trusted us because they left us alone most of the time.

 

A little girl (around 7 years) snuck into our room (I'm sure she has some form of autism) and tried to rip Little Miss right out of my arms!!! That was eventful. We saw the older kids rooms. 15 toddler sized beds crammed into a room the size of my daughters!!! No stuffies or cuddly blankets. Very cold. Like prison. There were locks on EVERY door even if they weren't locked...they were still there!

 

Little Miss was a bit restless in the afternoon. I think that she was actually NOT on cold medication this time and therefore not drowsy. We were told that the staff cannot understand why she is so good and content for us. Apparently she has been quite fussy to everyone except for us. Our facilitator tried explaining to them that a child's heart knows their family and that it comes from a higher power. They didn't agree or understand what her was saying and are still puzzled at the bond we have with her. In all honesty, we think they may not have given her the medicine this afternoon just to see how it went with us. It was definitely different but she is sick and wants to be cuddled, loved, have her face caressed and her back tickled. These are not things a busy staff member will give her. God has definitely prepared this baby's heart. What a journey we are on.

 

Thank you to everyone that is praying for us. Thank you to all who have financially helped Little Miss find a family. Praise God we get to be her mom and dad (God Willing our judge signs the papers).

Posts from the hubby:

"Did I mention in BG nodding your head means "no", and shaking your head left to rights means "Yes". Trying to not make a mistake with that body language is hard. So I get asked a question, then I answer to the translator, usually wrong body language, which throws off the person asking the question when the translated answer is opposite. Then throw in that our translator is trying to use our backwards body language when communicating with us."

"I don't understand the driving laws. There is a bridge large enough for one car width. It seems like either the fastest car, or the nicest looking car gets right of way. One time we passed oncoming traffic (at low speed), and the only reason there wasn't contact made was because side mirrors were at different heights. Competition for parking spots is puzzling, also possibly nicest looking car. Driving backwards, for a whole block also seems legit. Quite amazing."

Monday Visit

Monday, Nov 25

We met our baby!!! She is BEAUTIFUL!!!  Only God could match us up with such a perfect little girl!  We weren't allowed to take any videos or pictures of our first encounter (until we signed a form at the notary office saying we wouldn't publish photos or videos of her).  That was quite the disappointment.  We will never get to experience that moment of first meeting her again.  We were waiting in the front lobby as they brought her down a long hallway from upstairs where she lives.  She was in a pink sweat suit with tights and a onesie on.  Our facilitator wasn't too happy with her outfit because normally the kids are "prettied up" for these visits.  I don't care what clothes she was wearing!  She was gorgeous!

She wasn't feeling well. The poor girl is very skinny.  Her legs are quite long but very scrawny.  She needs a family; some food and some love. Poor munchkin. She had a terribly runny nose.  The staff gave her cold medicine and it caused this poor child to be quite drowsy.  She was very pale and made very little eye contact.  The lack of eye contact was to be expected from a child who was raised in an orphanage but the cold medicine didn't help anything.  She did a lot of stimming (self stimulation) -sucking her tongue (also sticking it out quite a bit), made clicking sounds from the back of her throat, sucking her hand and her favourite was to watch her hand/fingers.  It was so sad to see stimming in person...to know that this child has so little contact with people that she has to find her HANDS entertaining!  GRRRR!!!!
 
It sounds like the staff was surprised she didn't cry for us. I guess little miss likes to cuddle and be pampered especially when she is feeling ill...go figure!!!  (That is written with a lot of sarcasm and anger). 

It was a really good visit although it was in the lobby and surrounded by people.  She didn't want anything to do with ANY of the toys we brought.  All she wanted to do was cuddle...I was ok with that :)  She DID NOT want down, nor were WE allowed to sit on the chair with her...she wanted to be carried ha ha.  I did finally figure out she liked to touch the cold window.  Near the end of the second visit, she would put out her hand so I could touch it to the window...progress baby!!! 

The trip -Flights, gross hotel, first night in country

We had very little time to ourselves on the trip.  When we did have and hour or so, we slept.  We were in bed early every single night.  If you know us, you know we rarely go to bed early.  This trip and these past few days, we have been in bed around 9pm, 8 pm then 7pm!!! We are soooo tired!  The jet lag wasn't nearly as bad arriving in country as it was coming home.  I'm glad about that.  I couldn't imagine functioning in a foreign country feeling as I do these past few days.  It is rough!

I tried to have descriptive facebook posts while we were in country so that I could reference them for this post.  I will try elaborating a bit more than the posts but if you have me on facebook, you will recognize most of what I am going to write.  (That is your warning ha ha).

We had such an amazing experience with British Airways. They were kind and friendly and super helpful.  At the security, the guy couldn't believe this was my first time flying so he put me in the lineup for families (the nice line up ha ha).  That was such a relief.  They walked me through everything and Corey laughed the whole time.  He kept saying, "I've never been treated this well".  Ha ha, maybe he needs to take me on more trips ;)

When we boarded the plane, Corey was explaining something to me and the steward caught on I never flew before either.  He would come by and make sure I was ok and when we landed he told the captain.  The captain proceeded to invite me to the cockpit to see how it all works (I even got to sit in his chair HA HA!!!!).  I was so embarrassed but it was pretty cool.  Again, Corey was just tickled at all the niceness. 

We arrived in London after our 9 hour flight.  We were exhausted!  We really wanted to see the Windsor Castle and take pictures for our girls but it just didn't happen unfortunately.  We ended up taking a double decker bus to the mall instead.  That was a neat experience.  The girls got a kick out that.  We made sure to sit on the top just for them :)

The place we stayed in London was made for layovers.  Our agent told us she sends many missionaries there in between flights as it is a very basic place with no frills made for layovers.  We took her word on it that it was going to be ok.  We were so tired the first night that we just went to sleep.  On the way back we went to the same "hotel".  We walked into the room and it was DISGUSTING!  There was hair everywhere and blood on the sheets...BARF!!!!!!  Needless to say, we wandered around London looking for a new accommodation that was close by.  Thankfully, after a couple of tries, we found a place.  We lost out on money because we had to pay both places but I don't regret the move one bit!  At least we didn't feel like we were going to catch a disease in our sleep.  I think that was the worst experience of our trip (other than saying goodbye to our daughter).

The plane to BG was smaller.  There were no movies on this three hour flight and we were crammed in with another person.  Thankfully, the plane wasn't full and after lift-off our seatmate found a free spot in the back giving us all the much needed space and legroom.

When we arrived in BG, we thought we would see our facilitator among the people holding signs with names on them.  We panicked a bit when our name wasn't on any of the signs!  Lucky for us, it didn't last long as our facilitator and his two sons (both lawyers that work with him, one being our translator) sought us out.  We came with four suitcases (two suitcases were chalk full of donations that we left with the orphanage) and were quite excited to walk up to a minivan (most cars are VERY small).

They drove us to the capital where we would spend our first night (and last night before flying off).  When we got settled in our room (and they showed us how to work the lights, they brought us to a restaurant that served traditional Bulgarian food.

The restaurant was a culture shock.  Thankfully, it had an English menu.  I already knew that I wanted to order the Shopska salad (the "famous" salad of Bulgaria) but knew I was really hungry so I added a soup to the order.  Soup and salad...sounded light and non-piggish right?!?!  NOPE!  It caused quite the discussion at the table.  "You want soup AND salad?  Two?  Both?"  "She wants both, yes"  "Both...you want soup?  or salad?"  "One soup AND One salad"  "Yes, that IS what she wants".  OH MY STARS!!!  This was the first meal here and I already felt awkward!  Corey thought it was quite comical!  I ate all the food and it was delicious!!!  I still do not understand the problem!

The day we have been waiting for

We leave today.  It is almost 1am.  I should be sleeping because we are leaving early to make the 3 hour drive to the airport.  I'd like to know how many adoptive parents actually get rest before something like this?  Goodness, we have waited for this day for years and yet it still does not feel real.  I was good/ calm for the most part until I tucked my girls in.  Our third daughter put on a brave face but mom sees through it.   Our second daughter gets emotional when dad leaves on business trips.  Having mom and dad leave was too much for her.  She tried REALLY hard to put on a brave face but mom saw right through it.  Of course her tears brought on mine (my mom also saw through my brave face ha ha).

I have never left my kids like this.  EVER.  I don't enjoy this part at all.  Sure, the girls drive me batty at times, but they are my world.  This is breaking my heart.  I am asking for prayers of peace for this momma's heart.  Please. 

I cannot WAIT to meet our new daughter.  I especially cannot wait to bring her home to her sisters.  I cannot wait to watch her discover a world outside her institutional doors.  I cannot wait to hug her and tuck her in at night and to let her know that her mom loves her soooo much and that I would do every minute of this over again just to see her loved.  No one should be without a family.  No child should be left alone. 

We are not superheroes.  We are ordinary people taking every day one day at a time (and sometimes it is minute by minute ha ha).  We praise God for putting us on this path.  I don't know why He chose us for this?  I often ask "Why us" and the answer I always get back is, "Why Not?"  God's got this. 

Please continue to pray for us.  We are gone for 10 days.  Please pray for my mom (and brother) as they try to survive the upcoming days with the fabulous five.  Please pray for Lilyanna and that she accepts us and bonds to us and is healthy.  Please pray for our meetings.  Please pray for us on the 29th when we get our final visit with her and then have to leave her for months before coming to get her for good.  I'm already deeply dreading November 29th immensely. 

Thanks.

Two More Days

We leave in two days to meet our baby.  I am so excited!  We leave here Friday for a 9 hour flight to London where we will spend the night (we have a 20 hour layover).  The following day we fly three more hours to Sofia.  There, we will spend the night and then on Monday we will drive to New Sister's village to meet her.  Somewhere in that time we will drive to a nearby city where we will be staying. 


We finally got a few little videos of her and some pictures.  I'm so glad it came before our trip.  The only picture we had of her was from a year ago.  She was so tiny and laying on her tummy.  The videos show her sitting up.  I think the staff was trying to show that she could stand with support from them but Little Miss wasn't being too cooperative.  They think she may be teething too.  Poor little one.  The staff seems caring but in reality, Little Miss needs a momma :(