I'm keeping it real today. No sugar coating. Just raw emotions.
I started this blog to keep family and friends updated on our process. The papers are all in the hands of the agency. FYI the process is SLOOOOOW!!!!!!!!! Very, mind-numbingly slow. It is so slow that it allows too much time for my mind to start contradicting my heart. Can I really wait this long? In our case, it was so much quicker to get pregnant and raise our children. I know this is Satan feeding us this garbage but there are times where I begin to doubt EVERYTHING! The reality though is that it just makes us pray harder. In God's time, right!?
Right now, we are waiting for our Social Worker to contact us. Waiting, waiting, waiting. Do I sound impatient today? Do I sound frustrated? I am trying hard to live my life and "go with the flow". I do not "go with the flow" very well but I am TRYING. You would think that my five kids would distract me a bit more. Nope...they are just a reminder that I am missing one! I keep envisioning our life with our new daughter. Where would she sleep? Who is going to share bedrooms with who? What kinds of needs will she have? Will I need to buy another van? Where, oh where, are the rest of the funds going to come from??? Arg!
Then there is the AEP that we have to take. Boy, oh boy, is this testing my every nerve right now. I can't even think about it without my face burning red with frustration. We have to take this course sooner than later. All the courses are FAR away from where we live. I'm talking 11-12 hour drive! If we take a plane that is extra funds benign taken from our adoption account. Not to mention food, hotel, gas. We need a sitter for the kids. I was under the impression that it was a weekend course...nope! It is over TWO weekends. Ummm....how the heck are we supposed to swing this one!?!? We were told that a on-line version would possibly start up in April. That would have been wonderful if it did! Now they are talking the summer time...arg! We are supposed to have this done by then. There isn't a guarantee that it will even start up in the summer either. Arg! So...now we wait...pray...hope...that we can be an exception to the rules and do this class with our Social Worker here!
Please pray for this AEP course to be sorted out. We cannot adopt unless we take it. Ideally, we would like to refrain from travelling to take this course. Please pray for this to work for us. Please pray for an amazing Social Worker to be assigned to us. Please, pray for our little one that may or may not be born. Please pray for the nay-sayers that are against us (yes, you know who you are and we are praying for you!!!). Please pray for me and all this doubt and fear and frustration...I know it isn't from God...I need it gone! Gone, gone,gone!
Thank you for taking the time to read our (non)update. I hope to have something to share soon.
