A lot happens in a year

A year ago, Corey and I got up in front of our church and explained to the congregation our plans to adopt.  We explained (or at least tried to explain) how international adoption is expensive and where the fees all go.  We had just submitted our dossier and were waiting on approval from the
B government.  It was really hard for us to get up and pour our heart out especially when we didn't have a certain child that we were matched up with yet.

We had a wonderful lady from our church offer and volunteer to help set up a fundraiser to help fund some of the fees.  The goal for us was to have the next big junk of fees ready for when we got a proposal.  We knew that a proposal could be given really quickly once our dossier was accepted.  The blessings we received from the fundraiser went above and beyond our wildest dreams.  God provided the next set fees in almost one day.  A result of that day was pure peace that we were doing God's Will and that He was going to provide the funds necessary to adopt a little girl that deserves a family.
God has been so amazing.  Almost every dollar has been raised for the adoption including every single unexpected fee that was thrown at us.  This was done in ONE YEAR!  Almost to the day!  It has been so neat to watch God's Work through this adoption.  There have been quite a bit of "God Moments" since we have agreed to pursue adoption.  I wish we wrote them all down.  I'm sure there are a ton that we don't even realize.  The moments that we do realize, however, are beautiful.

A year has passed since our fundraiser and now we can say we have MET this BEAUTIFUL little girl that will join our family.  She is REAL now.  She is more than a thought or a hope or a dream.  She is a human being with a promising future.  She is so loved and adored and she isn't even in our home yet.  She has sisters praying for her and building dreams for her.  She has parents that love and adore her and are HEARTBROKEN to have split from her during this next phase.

So many people have said to us, "It must be hard leaving her behind".  On a bad day, I want to spit sarcasm out... "What do you want me to say...Uh, no it was so easy leaving her in an institution where she can stare at her hands all day as entertainment".  I think I have bit my tongue on those "bad" days though (or at least I sure hope I did).  MOST of the time, I know the comment is the person pondering or being supportive, or striking up a conversation.  IT SUCKED LEAVING HER! I cried.  I am angry.  I can't seem to find anything to remotely keep me occupied.

You would think Christmas with five kids would help pass the time.  Nope!  I just want Christmas break to pass.  I met her.  She is real.  I touched her.  I kissed her.  I smelled her.  I made her laugh.  I cuddled.  I loved.  She felt LOVE.  She was left.  What is she doing for Christmas?  What is she doing for her BIRTHDAY on Friday?  Does she get celebrated? Who is with her? Is she sick?  Is she cared for?  Is she treated well?  Is she getting food?  Is SOMEONE loving her?

For these moments of complete anguish, I remind myself that God loves her.  God protected this baby before I was aware she existed.  God got her through hospital visits and protected her throughout her surgery's.  God provided the RIDICULOUS fees associated with her adoption.  God gave us amazing people to help facilitate the many, many avenues of this journey -from the fantastic social worker we were given, to the Bulgarian facilitator, to the bank tellers and clerk at the police station here in our town.  We have made new friends as a result of our journey.  We have stepped (leaped) totally out of our comfort zone and made ourselves vulnerable.  We have met people who are watching us go through this with their own dreams/ fears of taking this leap of faith into the crazy word of adoption (psst....DO IT...it'll change your life!!)

I wrote this back in April but it is fitting for this time of year:

If it is not you calling to adopt an orphan...that's OK...do something that is within your abilities!  

Advocate for orphans so that others hear the cry/the plea to adopt/sponsor/foster. 

Financially Support - If you are able...donate!!!  This isn't a plea to fund our adoption... this is for orphanages and shelters and families that are struggling and also for people who want to adopt but need some assistance. 

Goods and Services - Group homes, orphanages, foster families, shelters, hospitals, nursing homes, etc...they could all use SOMETHING whether it is groceries, clothing, food, companionship, supplies, volunteers, handy people, etc.  We all have something that can bless someone else!   

Pray.  Ask God to use you.  Ask God to show you where a need is.  Ask God to bless your contributions.  Pray for the individuals in shelters and homes and institutions.  Pray for the needy, the malnourished, the disabled, the abused, the poor and the lonely.  Pray for the workers and volunteers.  Pray for the people adopting and for others to step up and adopt.  Pray for our country, our world, our communities, our leaders, our educators, our neighbours, our families.  

“I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.  (Matt 17:20)

Thank you for praying for our family.  Thank you for praying for our sweet Little Miss.  We have sent all the paperwork required of us to update our dossier to send off to the judge.  We have no idea how long this next phase will take us.  Right now we wait for a court date.  This could be a long time.  In theory, it doesn't have to take a long time our facilitator told us.  Wow, wouldn't that be a miracle to have a super speedy court date!  

Please continue to pray.  Pray for the judge that will be reading our file.  Pray for our facilitators to represent us well.  Pray for all red tape to go smooth.  Pray for citizenship for Little Miss to be smooth and easy.  Pray for Little Miss (to keep her healthy and nourished and cared for).  Pray for the girls as they wait so patiently for their new sister.  Pray for us as we prepare for her arrival and her medical needs when she get here.  

Thank you!  May God Bless each person that walks this with us directly or indirectly :)

The Dreaded Last Visit

November 29

Today is the dreaded last visit with Little Miss. Please pray for us today for strength and peace as we visit with her and then leave her behind. I want to puke. My head is pounding. Not only is my heart completely broken for this child and the other children here, but I miss my girls back home too. I feel like I have two broken hearts right now. One here and one across the ocean.

I may have cried just a wee bit today. In one week we have established a bond with one of the toughest, flexible, silly, gentle, stubborn, beautiful, smart, amazing little girls in BG. You can tell the caregivers that adore her. It took until today for them to ask why we chose to adopt a child with Down syndrome. They are excited to see her go to a family with beautiful sisters. They cannot comprehend how I do not work. It is not common to have a large family here.

We sat down with the director before departing.  She is one tough looking lady. She doesn't smile often. I cracked a smile a couple of times this week from her and I actually saw her tear up when I was melting down explaining how we will miss our New Sister.

We drove to the capital to sign our papers. I would not want to be a translator. The poor guy had to read every single legal word and number for an hour. Yuck.

We said goodbye to our driver, lawyer and translator. Tomorrow we fly to London to spend the night and then make the long flight home. I may be a walking zombie this coming up week so don't expect much ha ha!

Thursday Visit

November 28

Last full day with Little Miss. Tomorrow we only see her in the morning and then we drive back to the capital to sign our papers to proceed with her adoption.

This morning was an ok visit. Little Miss is now brought down to the playroom before we get there. The caregiver says she calms down as soon as she comes to the room because she knows we are coming. Poor girl is going to be crushed next week.

They left a bottle of juice in the room with us. I tried feeding it to her. At first it went ok and then she totally flipped out! I think she had a sore throat and the acid from the juice hit her. She puked not too long after. There had been times I caught her swallowing her spit up this week. Yuck.

Today was a breakthrough!!  She allowed me to put her on the floor!  We played for a bit (until she puked). She is trusting us. Grr the process sucks. Lets build her trust and then leave! Sooo stupid!

The therapist took us down to her therapy room to show us what she does to help strengthen her. Little munchkin wanted nothing to do with it though. She cried through the whole ordeal. Broke my heart. I just wanted to pick her up and make her feel better. The therapist said the same thing about Little Miss in that she knows us and just wants to be with us. As soon as she was in my arms again, she melted right into me. She was so comfortable and not stimming... Something we didn't see of her yet.

 

In the afternoon, she must have had a great nap as she was super playful. She sure likes the glow worm and noisy book a friend of ours sent!!! I have all the songs memorized (again) ha ha! 

From the hubby:

 

"I am thankful that some restaurants have fully translated menu's in English. How else would I be able to spot a great deal on a Beef head with tripe. But I didn't order it, I fear an entire beef head would be too much to eat. "

Wednesday Visit

November 27

Today is an emotional draining day. Little Miss does not like to be put down (I don't blame her... She's getting full attention and love right now). We tried to see her scars (from her heart surgery a year ago) and this made her very upset with us. It took a while to calm her down. The staff around us were quick to find things to "clean" so they could check on us.

After that, we were given a tour of the floor she lives on. Our facilitator says this is one of the better orphanages. If this is better, I don't want to see worse. We saw her groupa today (the kids in her group). So cute. But so many. It made me really sad to see a ten year old girl the size of a toddler in this group laying/playing with them. From the size of her head, I'm sure she has hydrocephalus.

We saw the sleeping area. A dozen cribs crammed in a small space. Was it a coincidence that Little Miss's bed had the only toy in it??? I think not.

The area she eats in... The hallway! In a teeny tiny highchair. The director was proud to show us the older kids "everything room" for food and recreation. She tells us that they teach them to be independent. Personally, I think it's just easier for them.

The tour was nice, but we wonder how much of this is a show. There are so many other rooms with doors shut. Another floor that we were not permitted to visit. Ya... Not fishy.

I'm feeling a bit homesick am overwhelmed today (I also missed my oldest daughter's first volleyball tournament today). I had to fight back tears a few times. This is hard.

Second visit was better. Little Miss definitely knows who we are. She reaches out for us when the caregivers bring her in the room. We are figuring out her personality. I love making her laugh! We even got her to play sitting on the ground with us (on our lap). I think what makes this hard is that we already see this quick change in her personality. We see her learning things (like eye contact and kisses) but it upsets me that we do this and then leave her for months. I knew this was the process and I knew it was going to be tough. It's uber excruciating when you have accepted to be her mother and feel like you are abandoning her. You want the best. You know that she is worth more than what is given here. In due time she will be here. In due time.

We saw a lot of her orphanage behaviour today that she does to entertain herself. That was very tough to watch. The rocking (this was the first time we saw her do it), the hand sucking (reason for an open sore/blister), the weird sound she makes in her mouth, and her crazy fascination with her fingers (which she contorts her hand backwards while watching her fingers).

This child needs prayers and so do the staff that work with her. The kids that are there also. We live good lives here.  I cannot wait for my baby to join us!

 

The orphanage liked the donations of clothes, toys and other things that came with us. They said some of it was used right away. Thank you to all that contributed!!!  We were given the suitcases back so we DEFINITELY will fill them again for next trip!!!

 

Posted from the hubby:

 

 "on the way home I noticed we almost hit a small dog, there are many wild dogs. Then we almost hit a second small dog, it was dark out. I said "lots of small dogs tonight". The driver replied, "we have no small dogs, I think that was a wild pig".  "  Ha ha!!!

 

"Today when we crossed the bridge that is only narrow enough for one car, but has traffic in both directions, I asked how they know who has the right of way. The explanation was it is similar to a intersection with four way stop. This left me more confused, and glad I am not driving.

 

"In BG coffee made by Nescafé is highly revered. Italy is also close by, so Italian espresso is also popular. But we haven't met anyone that knew what a latte was, so the closest drink is a cappuccino."

 

"if I order a "Coke" I get a natural juice drink called 'Cappy', if I order a "cola" I get what I expect (the pop), if I order a "Coca-Cola" I get asked which one I want (the cappy or the pop)."

Tuesday Visit

Tuesday, Nov 26

I love the food here!!! It's cheap too which is a bonus. I am a pretty picky eater but I have loved everything I have tried so far! 

Our visits are going well. I think the orphanage staff and facilitator like us. Our facilitator complemented us at dinner; that made us feel like things are going well. The staff at the orphanage seem to like our relationship with Little Miss. There were five families meeting kids today!! We got a playroom instead of the lobby thankfully! It was so much more private.  Even our translator and facilitator were in another room.  Their room was connected to ours with a window the adjoined the two rooms.  Whenever a staff member came to talk with us, our translator could quickly zip over to help the discussion.  They must have trusted us because they left us alone most of the time.

 

A little girl (around 7 years) snuck into our room (I'm sure she has some form of autism) and tried to rip Little Miss right out of my arms!!! That was eventful. We saw the older kids rooms. 15 toddler sized beds crammed into a room the size of my daughters!!! No stuffies or cuddly blankets. Very cold. Like prison. There were locks on EVERY door even if they weren't locked...they were still there!

 

Little Miss was a bit restless in the afternoon. I think that she was actually NOT on cold medication this time and therefore not drowsy. We were told that the staff cannot understand why she is so good and content for us. Apparently she has been quite fussy to everyone except for us. Our facilitator tried explaining to them that a child's heart knows their family and that it comes from a higher power. They didn't agree or understand what her was saying and are still puzzled at the bond we have with her. In all honesty, we think they may not have given her the medicine this afternoon just to see how it went with us. It was definitely different but she is sick and wants to be cuddled, loved, have her face caressed and her back tickled. These are not things a busy staff member will give her. God has definitely prepared this baby's heart. What a journey we are on.

 

Thank you to everyone that is praying for us. Thank you to all who have financially helped Little Miss find a family. Praise God we get to be her mom and dad (God Willing our judge signs the papers).

Posts from the hubby:

"Did I mention in BG nodding your head means "no", and shaking your head left to rights means "Yes". Trying to not make a mistake with that body language is hard. So I get asked a question, then I answer to the translator, usually wrong body language, which throws off the person asking the question when the translated answer is opposite. Then throw in that our translator is trying to use our backwards body language when communicating with us."

"I don't understand the driving laws. There is a bridge large enough for one car width. It seems like either the fastest car, or the nicest looking car gets right of way. One time we passed oncoming traffic (at low speed), and the only reason there wasn't contact made was because side mirrors were at different heights. Competition for parking spots is puzzling, also possibly nicest looking car. Driving backwards, for a whole block also seems legit. Quite amazing."

Monday Visit

Monday, Nov 25

We met our baby!!! She is BEAUTIFUL!!!  Only God could match us up with such a perfect little girl!  We weren't allowed to take any videos or pictures of our first encounter (until we signed a form at the notary office saying we wouldn't publish photos or videos of her).  That was quite the disappointment.  We will never get to experience that moment of first meeting her again.  We were waiting in the front lobby as they brought her down a long hallway from upstairs where she lives.  She was in a pink sweat suit with tights and a onesie on.  Our facilitator wasn't too happy with her outfit because normally the kids are "prettied up" for these visits.  I don't care what clothes she was wearing!  She was gorgeous!

She wasn't feeling well. The poor girl is very skinny.  Her legs are quite long but very scrawny.  She needs a family; some food and some love. Poor munchkin. She had a terribly runny nose.  The staff gave her cold medicine and it caused this poor child to be quite drowsy.  She was very pale and made very little eye contact.  The lack of eye contact was to be expected from a child who was raised in an orphanage but the cold medicine didn't help anything.  She did a lot of stimming (self stimulation) -sucking her tongue (also sticking it out quite a bit), made clicking sounds from the back of her throat, sucking her hand and her favourite was to watch her hand/fingers.  It was so sad to see stimming in person...to know that this child has so little contact with people that she has to find her HANDS entertaining!  GRRRR!!!!
 
It sounds like the staff was surprised she didn't cry for us. I guess little miss likes to cuddle and be pampered especially when she is feeling ill...go figure!!!  (That is written with a lot of sarcasm and anger). 

It was a really good visit although it was in the lobby and surrounded by people.  She didn't want anything to do with ANY of the toys we brought.  All she wanted to do was cuddle...I was ok with that :)  She DID NOT want down, nor were WE allowed to sit on the chair with her...she wanted to be carried ha ha.  I did finally figure out she liked to touch the cold window.  Near the end of the second visit, she would put out her hand so I could touch it to the window...progress baby!!! 

The trip -Flights, gross hotel, first night in country

We had very little time to ourselves on the trip.  When we did have and hour or so, we slept.  We were in bed early every single night.  If you know us, you know we rarely go to bed early.  This trip and these past few days, we have been in bed around 9pm, 8 pm then 7pm!!! We are soooo tired!  The jet lag wasn't nearly as bad arriving in country as it was coming home.  I'm glad about that.  I couldn't imagine functioning in a foreign country feeling as I do these past few days.  It is rough!

I tried to have descriptive facebook posts while we were in country so that I could reference them for this post.  I will try elaborating a bit more than the posts but if you have me on facebook, you will recognize most of what I am going to write.  (That is your warning ha ha).

We had such an amazing experience with British Airways. They were kind and friendly and super helpful.  At the security, the guy couldn't believe this was my first time flying so he put me in the lineup for families (the nice line up ha ha).  That was such a relief.  They walked me through everything and Corey laughed the whole time.  He kept saying, "I've never been treated this well".  Ha ha, maybe he needs to take me on more trips ;)

When we boarded the plane, Corey was explaining something to me and the steward caught on I never flew before either.  He would come by and make sure I was ok and when we landed he told the captain.  The captain proceeded to invite me to the cockpit to see how it all works (I even got to sit in his chair HA HA!!!!).  I was so embarrassed but it was pretty cool.  Again, Corey was just tickled at all the niceness. 

We arrived in London after our 9 hour flight.  We were exhausted!  We really wanted to see the Windsor Castle and take pictures for our girls but it just didn't happen unfortunately.  We ended up taking a double decker bus to the mall instead.  That was a neat experience.  The girls got a kick out that.  We made sure to sit on the top just for them :)

The place we stayed in London was made for layovers.  Our agent told us she sends many missionaries there in between flights as it is a very basic place with no frills made for layovers.  We took her word on it that it was going to be ok.  We were so tired the first night that we just went to sleep.  On the way back we went to the same "hotel".  We walked into the room and it was DISGUSTING!  There was hair everywhere and blood on the sheets...BARF!!!!!!  Needless to say, we wandered around London looking for a new accommodation that was close by.  Thankfully, after a couple of tries, we found a place.  We lost out on money because we had to pay both places but I don't regret the move one bit!  At least we didn't feel like we were going to catch a disease in our sleep.  I think that was the worst experience of our trip (other than saying goodbye to our daughter).

The plane to BG was smaller.  There were no movies on this three hour flight and we were crammed in with another person.  Thankfully, the plane wasn't full and after lift-off our seatmate found a free spot in the back giving us all the much needed space and legroom.

When we arrived in BG, we thought we would see our facilitator among the people holding signs with names on them.  We panicked a bit when our name wasn't on any of the signs!  Lucky for us, it didn't last long as our facilitator and his two sons (both lawyers that work with him, one being our translator) sought us out.  We came with four suitcases (two suitcases were chalk full of donations that we left with the orphanage) and were quite excited to walk up to a minivan (most cars are VERY small).

They drove us to the capital where we would spend our first night (and last night before flying off).  When we got settled in our room (and they showed us how to work the lights, they brought us to a restaurant that served traditional Bulgarian food.

The restaurant was a culture shock.  Thankfully, it had an English menu.  I already knew that I wanted to order the Shopska salad (the "famous" salad of Bulgaria) but knew I was really hungry so I added a soup to the order.  Soup and salad...sounded light and non-piggish right?!?!  NOPE!  It caused quite the discussion at the table.  "You want soup AND salad?  Two?  Both?"  "She wants both, yes"  "Both...you want soup?  or salad?"  "One soup AND One salad"  "Yes, that IS what she wants".  OH MY STARS!!!  This was the first meal here and I already felt awkward!  Corey thought it was quite comical!  I ate all the food and it was delicious!!!  I still do not understand the problem!

The day we have been waiting for

We leave today.  It is almost 1am.  I should be sleeping because we are leaving early to make the 3 hour drive to the airport.  I'd like to know how many adoptive parents actually get rest before something like this?  Goodness, we have waited for this day for years and yet it still does not feel real.  I was good/ calm for the most part until I tucked my girls in.  Our third daughter put on a brave face but mom sees through it.   Our second daughter gets emotional when dad leaves on business trips.  Having mom and dad leave was too much for her.  She tried REALLY hard to put on a brave face but mom saw right through it.  Of course her tears brought on mine (my mom also saw through my brave face ha ha).

I have never left my kids like this.  EVER.  I don't enjoy this part at all.  Sure, the girls drive me batty at times, but they are my world.  This is breaking my heart.  I am asking for prayers of peace for this momma's heart.  Please. 

I cannot WAIT to meet our new daughter.  I especially cannot wait to bring her home to her sisters.  I cannot wait to watch her discover a world outside her institutional doors.  I cannot wait to hug her and tuck her in at night and to let her know that her mom loves her soooo much and that I would do every minute of this over again just to see her loved.  No one should be without a family.  No child should be left alone. 

We are not superheroes.  We are ordinary people taking every day one day at a time (and sometimes it is minute by minute ha ha).  We praise God for putting us on this path.  I don't know why He chose us for this?  I often ask "Why us" and the answer I always get back is, "Why Not?"  God's got this. 

Please continue to pray for us.  We are gone for 10 days.  Please pray for my mom (and brother) as they try to survive the upcoming days with the fabulous five.  Please pray for Lilyanna and that she accepts us and bonds to us and is healthy.  Please pray for our meetings.  Please pray for us on the 29th when we get our final visit with her and then have to leave her for months before coming to get her for good.  I'm already deeply dreading November 29th immensely. 

Thanks.

Two More Days

We leave in two days to meet our baby.  I am so excited!  We leave here Friday for a 9 hour flight to London where we will spend the night (we have a 20 hour layover).  The following day we fly three more hours to Sofia.  There, we will spend the night and then on Monday we will drive to New Sister's village to meet her.  Somewhere in that time we will drive to a nearby city where we will be staying. 


We finally got a few little videos of her and some pictures.  I'm so glad it came before our trip.  The only picture we had of her was from a year ago.  She was so tiny and laying on her tummy.  The videos show her sitting up.  I think the staff was trying to show that she could stand with support from them but Little Miss wasn't being too cooperative.  They think she may be teething too.  Poor little one.  The staff seems caring but in reality, Little Miss needs a momma :(

Two more weeks

Wowzers, in two weeks we leave.  On a plane.  To meet our daughter.  We get to snuggle her and play peek a boo again (apparently she likes it so much, they chose that game to put in her file ha ha).
We get to try new foods; spend stotinki and leva and also pence and pounds; and attempt to communicate as foreigners (eek).  This is so craaazzzyyyy (and a teeny tiny bit exciting).

Here's a little Bulgarian tidbit that will be COMPLETELY CONFUSING for us:  They nod their heads for no and shake their heads for yes!!!  Oh boy! 

God has definitely got this adoption under His belt.  Every little detail.  It's pretty amazing to sit back and get front row seats to this show.  On Sunday, our pastor talked a bit about the story of Jesus feeding 5000 + people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John%206:1-14&version=NLT).    When Jesus told the disciples to feed the 5,000, it seemed impossible; they felt like they had nothing to offer ("Even if we worked for months, we wouldn’t have enough money to feed them!” verse 7).  They were given 5 small loaves of bread and 2 fish by a selfless young boy.  But when the meal was placed into Jesus' hands, he fed thousands upon thousands of people and made a miracle out of seemingly nothing.  That is how we feel has happened in our life.  It was put on our heart to adopt internationally (http://sparklesgigglesandtiaras.blogspot.ca/p/frequentlyasked-questions-1.html).  The fees alone are enough to make anybody's head spin...especially to parents of a larger family.  But we knew that if this was God's Will for us, He would direct our path.  And that he has.  Our thermometer to the side is proof of God's provision. 

Yesterday, we were also reminded of this.  My oldest daughter lost her winter boots.  Somewhere in this house is a lone pair of boots (or maybe it was accidently put into the donation bag...we're not sure).  We got hit pretty good this week with snow.  She was able to wear her rain boots for the first couple of days it snowed, while we were frantically searching the house, but alas the cold made it uncomfortable for her poor toes.  She has big feet and wears ladies sizes (translation: more money).  We are leaving in two weeks, money is tight and I did not want to buy another pair of boots.  Lo and behold I got this duh moment (again).  "Pray!"  Ask God for help (duh).  After battling the "this is a silly thing to pray for" I realized that God tells us to ask Him for help, no matter the size.  So I did it...I prayed.  And as the doubt came, I told myself that God wants us to have faith...why wouldn't He provide boots???  Just a mustard seed of faith...just a teeny tiny mustard seed... I can do that!  So, I stopped worrying about it and went to pick up my kids from school.  A friend waited with me.  We talked about how she lost her boots and our daughter's boot sizes (my daughter is a size 6...my friend's daughter is the same age but wears a size 2).  We parted ways when the kids arrived.  Two hours later, this same person phones me up to say she was given a pair of ladies boots in the size I needed!!  Thank you Jesus!  Whoot whoot!  When she dropped them off, she said, "think of this as helping with the adoption ha ha".  I don't think my friend realizes how powerful those words were that evening! 

People ask us ALL THE TIME how we do it.  The truth is...God.  God has blessed us with fantastic children.  He has given me a husband that is amazingly loving, hard working, caring and PATIENT.  He has a great job with good benefits and people he enjoys working with.  God put us in a town that is so full of love.  We finally have a church where we actually feel like we belong; where we aren't strangers to everyone (even though I am painfully shy and could hide under a rock most days).  God has provided us with a home that fits our growing family.  We have food on the table and warm clothes on our bodies.  We have a SUPER supportive and amazing extended family.  God has been good to us.  Our life is not always easy.  It has many ups and downs.  But our faith keeps us going. And faith is getting us on that plane in two weeks!  I can't wait. 

 We were supposed to get an updated picture and video of New Sister.  Unfortunately, we were told she has a virus so our agency is going to try again next week.  Poor baby.  Please pray for her.  We also have no idea where we are staying in BG.  I don't know how many times we have asked and we keep getting the same answer, "[our BG agency] will be setting that up"...ummm...that is SOOOO not helpful!!!  Do people not realize that it would be nice to know costs and what is around our place.  Arg, so frustrating.  So, it looks like we will be showing up to our room on faith too :)  Oh, such an adventure.

Confirmed date

This week has been crazy busy and emotional as one can imagine.

Our poor kids have lost their normal mom and in place have been given a serious space head!  Thankfully, we have the most amazing and awesome and patient (most of the time) kids.  So, if this message is all over the place, I apologize in advance.  Please forgive me.... I have (paper) pregnancy brain ha ha!!!


I had to write out two really big checks this week.  One for the agency fees and the other for our flight.  It is so real now!  I will admit, I am freaking out about the travel....freaking out!  No matter how many people tell me, it will be ok...it still doesn't help!  Not until I am experiencing it for myself.  Instead, I am trying very hard to fight off all images, etc. that keep popping up in my head.  If you would like to pray for me personally...this is where I need it...peace of mind.  Corey too....we are a bit scatterbrained. He is having a hard time concentrating at work when his mind is across the ocean. 

The girls are super super super excited.  The youngest has been waiting almost two years to share her room with New Sister.  She has New Sister's life all planned out already.  It's SO cute!

So, when do we leave?  We will be leaving for the airport on the 22th.  We will stay in London for the night and arrive in B*lg*r*a for the 24th.  We should be able to see New Sister on the Monday...yay!  Our travel agent said we are able to bring 3 suitcases with us and so we plan to take as much as we can to the orphanage.  If you have stuff, let me know and I can arrange something :)

My mom will be driving up to watch the kids while we are travelling.  Please keep her in your prayers.  She may be travelling alone 6 hours in the snow and that can be REALLY scary!  We are so thankful that she was able to get the time off to help.  It will be the very longest I have ever been away from my kids.  Other than hospital stays, I have never been away from the kids.  Can you see why I am freaking now?!?!  It made me physically sick just writing out that sentence :( I am sorry to anyone who comes in contact with me in the next month (plus last week).

Our main man (driver/translator) in B*lg*r*a got permission to take pictures and a video of our girl to send us.  He is going there on Wednesday to do this.  I sure hope he is quick with feedback!  The curiosity is killing me!!!  The picture that we got with her referral is almost a year old and it isn't clear what color her eyes are.  Maybe she will be crawling by then...eek!

I got the photo book completed a few days ago.  A very good friend of mine took some pictures for us.  She came the night I asked her so that we could get the book ordered and here before we left.  We had just got home from school and swimming lessons and work....it was chaos.  I wondered how she would take a decent picture of us since we spent no time getting pretty ha ha!  She did over and above what I had envisioned.  SHE EVEN BROUGHT US SUPPER to eat after we were done!!!  Seriously, she is awesome!!!  We are so blessed to have amazing people here!!!  So blessed!

One of my sister's also got the brunt of the chaotic photo book. Because, my family all lives elsewhere, she was the lucky one to run around the city taking pictures of grandparents, great grandparents, aunts/uncles, cousins.  She downloaded them into the program as I was creating ha ha!  I am truly grateful for her help with this project too.  Now to wait for it and pray it turned out well.

Because of the surprise (grr) increase (grr) in fees (grr) that we received this last month (~$4000), we have been FREAKING about finances.  We're so dumb.  We know better.  God brought us here, God will get us through it.  And He is.  We were blessed with a lovely financial gift yesterday.  It has taken us out of the red in terms of our projected budget for this trip.  We are without words at how amazing it is to watch God's hand in every teeny tiny aspect.  Even the bank paid for most of the fees/transactions that involved the adoption. Why do I put pressure on myself?  It doesn't help.  God's got this one. 

Hmmm...I don't know what else needs to be covered.  Thanks for the support.  Thanks for the prayers.  Thanks.  We can't WAIT to meet our daughter :)

The commitment

We are committed.  I am sure some people think we ought to BE committed ha ha! 

All kidding aside, we are proud to announce that we have accepted the referral given to us for another beautiful daughter to join our crazy pink household!

It has been a SUPER CRAZY and UBER EMOTIONAL week.  It is surreal.  In one month, we will be in-country meeting New Sister! 

As you probably guessed, the doctor saw nothing in her file that screamed out anything we didn't already prepare for.  We figured as much but it was nice to get the official second opinion. 

It was neat taking her file to the doctor.  Although she was not there in body, it felt like the first thing I did for her that made her more real; more as a daughter.  I walked out of the doctor's office and quickly got in the van before the tears fell.  It was official now.  Real.  We are having another "baby".

The proposal papers took longer than we anticipated getting to our house.  Finally they arrived on Friday!  We had enough time to run to the bank for the certified cheque and mail it off at the post office.  Hopefully our agency gets it tomorrow. 

I don't know why there has been so much communication problems with our agency.  We had a fee schedule that we budgeted for and when the bill came, we had another two thousand dollars in surprises!  Seriously, we are so hurt and mad at this.  Between, the additional jack in fees last month and then this month's surprise, we went from happily relieved and funded for this trip to a thousand dollars short!  A thousand dollars!  Arg! (That is me being nice)

A cool thing that happened this week... Hubby and I are trying to put together a durable family photo book to leave with New Sister and her caregivers at the orphanage in between trips. (We are praying her caregivers will show her the pictures of the family to get her used to us as much as she can ).  Anyways, the books can be quite costly especially with shipping to Canada.  Well, hubby bought a coffee from McDonald's on Saturday(which ...is RARE) and WON A FREE PHOTO BOOK!!! It was one of the brands we were looking into as well!!!!! Thank you GOD! Awesome, awesome.  Now we have to get it done so we can get it here before we leave.

 So, we have faith that everything will work out according to God's plan for us and for New Sister.  We are throwing around names so that we can stop calling her New Sister and I think we may have one picked.  Maybe...ha ha!  We are also waiting on an updated phot of her and hopefully a video.  The picture in her file is almost a year old...she should have change a lot since then!

I can only imagine how seriously cute she is now :)

Please continue to pray for our journey.  Thanks you for the support.  We have a lot of very caring and awesome people along for this ride.  What a village!

The call

Supper was just about to be served when hubby decided to follow up with a call that was made to us.  I saw the phone number a couple of times in the day on call waiting but the name on the little screen did not ring a bell.  We figured it was a solicitor since a message was not left on the machine.

I watched Hubby's face during the call.  First he realized WHO it was and then WHY she was calling us so urgently. He brought the phone to me and placed her on speaker.  The one and ONLY thing that I heard or got out of that whole conversation was: "We have a proposal for a little girl".

That's right folks, we have been MATCHED!!!! 

With all the stuff that happened with the country's government, we stopped thinking this was going to be a possibility until the new year.  We are in AWE! 

15 minutes after we hung up (and after the kids got settled with their dinner), I had to call back our agency and confess that I had not listen to a WORD she said after she told us we were matched.  Naturally, she laughed at me and proceeded to explain the details again.  This time, adding to it, that she had just sent us the file via email.  So, while I was finishing our conversation with our agency, hubby has already snooped in my email and scouted the sweet child's picture in the file!

Aw, she is darling.  Simply precious. We will not give any info on her quite yet.  We have a week to decide if we want to commit to her and start the process.  During this time we are advised to seek a medical opinion. 

From the time we commit, it should be around 6 or 7 weeks until we travel on our first trip to meet her.  So....around Christmas...

This trip is not a pick up trip!  After meeting her, we will have to tell our agency that we have seen her and are still interested in pursuing her adoption.  More papers get filed and processed.  Our in-country agency  will do all the legal stuff and court for us.  When court accepts us as her parents, she becomes legally ours and travel arrangements get made to go pick her up.  It is estimated that all of that portion of the process is 3-4 months from the first trip. 

Soooo....still more waiting.  And a lot of moolah that we still need to fundraise.  If you have ideas, let us know.

PLEASE pray for our family and this sweet little girl!!!!!!!! 

Update, update, update

Update, update, update...

Nothing too exciting.  It's been a while since my last post.  What has happened since??? 

We had to do our yearly homestudy update yesterday.  For so many reasons this makes me want to cry.  For one, it is an additional cost and not a cheap bill either.  $500 to update our Homestudy and $1200 for an annual File Maintenance (we won't even go there with how I feel about this fee...I'm SURE one can imagine!!!!).  Secondly, it is a nagging reminder that we are STILL WAITING for things to progress (for us to get matched)...tick tock, tick tock....$$$$....$$$$$....

We have been asked by a few people about our Homestudy Update.  Let me start by saying what it is not.  It is NOT going to speed up the process!  So many people have asked us this.  What the update is for, is to change anything in the previous homestudy. 

So for us, the kids got older, joined new activities, ended other activities (like kickboxing because the whole school was shut down whaaaaa), we had a cat before (now we don't), our back yard got an awesome play set and we LOWERED our age parameters (still a girl though).

Why did we lower our age limit?  We discussed it quite a bit and realized that if there was a girl who was younger but wasn't being matched with us because she was months shy of what we requested, we would hate to miss out or have her orphaned longer than she needs to be.  So, if we end up with a baby (which I really doubt would happen) then so be it.  We've done babies five times already ha ha!

Thanks for praying for us! 

Still waiting

It has been over a month since our last post.  Why??  Well, NOTHING has changed.  Nothing.  Nadda.  Zip!

Our hopefully-one-day-we-will-be-matched-daughter's country had a new government elected.  The elections took a long time and then afterwards the people of the country have been protesting to have the new Prime Minister resign.  Because of all of this government delay, the adoption committee does not have a delegate from the government appointed to sit in on their referral meetings.  This has caused a GREAT delay in referrals.  It stinks!

It has been rumoured though that there is a meeting for special needs referrals on the 23rd!!! 

I bet you know where we are going with this!!!  PLEASE pray for our "daughter's" referral to be placed in our agency's hands!  Please pray for their government too.  We hope that good things will come out of everything that is being protested.  We also are REALLY anxious to have a referral!!!

This waiting is HARD!  We knew it would be but it is still tough to continue life never knowing when we will get "the call".  It doesn't help that two of my friends here are both pregnant!  Paper pregnancy has nothing to show for it.  That is until you have a referral.  Right now, it's just a thought, a wish, a hope, a dream. 

We are also very sad to hear that hubby's company may not be getting bonuses in a few months.  We had counted on that to help with the fees.  It was a huge disappointment to hear that news.  We are still PRAYING as nothing "official" has been addressed to the employees :(

If you can, we would love for you to pray for us and with us.  For the adoption.  For the government.  For the last $10000 (minimum) we still need to raise/come up with.

Thank you.

Poker Tournament

Saturday night some friends from kickboxing held a poker tournament to raise money for the adoption.  It was such a FUN night!  THANK YOU everyone that came out!!!  It was such a relaxed atmosphere (especially if you were like me and didn't have a clue what you were doing).  I highly recommend this type of easy and FUN fundraiser.  We had BBQ Burgers and hot dogs and amazingly delicious cupcakes for dessert! 

Our friend worked hard at getting prizes for the winner (we didn't gamble real money...everyone was given fun money to play with).  She was able to get a one night stay at a hotel, a two week pass at a boxing center and a gift certificate for a local pub. 

I didn't come remotely close to being at the winners table ha ha!  Did I mention is was FUN???  I would love to do something similar to this again just for the socialization!  Momma needs another night out ha ha!!!

$712 was raised from that night (including money from people who didn't attend, yet selflessly donated)!  Wow!  Awesome!  Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!  We are grateful and once again, humbled!  Thank you! 

We will update the thermometer when the donations get put into the adoption account.

There have also been donations trickling into our agency!!!  We are waiting for a grand total to date from them and we will let you know where we are standing in our funds :)  (if my memory serves me right, there is over or around $600 donated through the agency).

If you want to donate through our agency, there is a tab up top with the info on how to do that.  You can request a tax receipt from them as well!

I don't know if this works: http://sparklesgigglesandtiaras.blogspot.ca/p/blog-page.html

Did I mention that God has been faithful throughout this adoption? 

Thank you to all who made this a great night.  Thank you to all those who have poured over us with positive and uplifting comments.  Thank you to those who are praying for our family. 

In case you were wondering where we are at in terms of the adoption...  we are still waiting for our match!!!!  The government had just gone through a transformation (new government elected in).  This has slowed down adoptions.

So, as far as we are aware, things are starting to move again (slowly) as the new government gets settled in.  They will be settled in just in time for their one month summer break!!!!  Yep, the government takes a month off in August (I'm not sure when that starts but it does affect adoption time schedules again). 

It would be a miracle to be matched SOON!!!  Wouldn't that be awesome??  Hopeful thinking...hopeful thinking...

FUNds and FUNdraiser

Our thermometer just jumped up $1000!!  Yipee!!!  God is Good!!!!

Thank you to whomever donated a big portion of that! 

We are getting closer and closer to having the funds for Trip #1 where we will get to meet our child!!  Oooo, I cannot wait until that moment!!! 

I have nothing profound or exciting to say today.  I just wanted people to see that we have bumped up our thermometer accordingly.  If you click anywhere on that thermometer it will bring you to a breakdown of where our fees are allocated. 

Our travel fees are based on a humanitarian rate offered by the travel agency.  This is the best price that we have come across thus far.  It is also based on prices 6 months to a year ago so I am sure our estimates are rather low. 

We also have not factored in updating our homestudy because it will be a year soon (it needs to be updated every year) and childcare for the two trips.  Child care is a bit ambiguous right now.  It really depends on when we get matched and when our travel dates are to take place.  Ideally, summer holidays would have be perfect.  Unfortunately, however, it doesn't look like this will be the case since summer holidays are quickly approaching. 

I don't know...I always had this gut feeling that we would be in B* over Christmas holidays... I guess we will see what happens :)

I am really excited about our next FUNdraiser happening June first!  If you are in the area we would LOVE for you to come out to this event!

It is a Poker Tournament.  YOU DO NOT NEED to know how to play!!!!  There are CHEAT SHEETS!  There is NO GAMBLING of your own money.  The coordinators of the even just ask for a $20.00 "Buy-in" (a spot to play/donation to the fundraiser).  You are given a certain amount of fun money!  Spend it all at once or figure out how to outsmart your tablemates (yep, I made that word up ha ha)!!!  The hubby will be BBQing (I should probably tell him that ha ha).  There are prizes!    I really hope to see some people there (or it will be a really boring game by myself).

If you cannot make it out, I have heard that they are accepting donations!  There have been a couple of people that have already gone this route and I just want to give a great big THANK YOU for their support!  We are really truly amazed at the love that people have for this little girl to find a FOREVER FAMILY!!!!  AHHHHH, I can't wait to MEET HER!!!!

There is a Facebook Event page for the Poker Tournament.  If you need the details, leave me a message here, talk to me in person, FB, etc.

Have a super wonderful fantastic day!!! 

A Blessing from Heaven

I was talking to my Grandma a couple of days ago.  She just turned 80!!!  How cool is that?!?!?  She asked me about the adoption and the fees, etc. After keeping her in the loop, we basically ended the conversation with her saying, "You never know, that money may come down from Heaven".  (I told her that is EXACTLY where the funds have been provided...).  I couldn't have had more awesomeness when it comes to "finding" the money for these CRAZY adoption fees! 

Fast forward to today... 

Monday mornings are a constant struggle for us.  They are very very difficult.  There is too much going on in a small amount of time.  I despise Monday mornings very much.  Today was no different.  Today 3 out of 5 kids are sick with something.  I woke up with a horrible migraine and  the cat must not have been feeling well either as he pooped all over the stairs.  Gross (I'm sorry...but that was the picture of our morning).  We were late for school.  The bell rang and we were no way close to being out the door.  It was the kind of morning that I could have cried but was too tired and rushed to have to deal with tears on top of everything else!

As we left the door, our morning took a total 180! 

My brother showed up with a latte out of the blue (and if you know me...you know that I LOVE coffee!!!!).  Because we were late, he caught me getting into the van.  He then OFFERED to take the sick kids so that I could go into work without them ANDDDDD He WILLINGLY and LOVINGLY without a single complaint cleaned up my stairs!!!!!  Ummm....he is on my #1 list right now!!!!! 

and then it gets even better....

SOMEONE GENEROUSLY donated to our adoption fund and left it at church!!!!  I don't know who you are but let me say this:

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!

I don't know if you read this blog.  If you know who donated the funds please give them a great big hug from us!!!  We are so grateful!  See Grandma, money came down from Heaven!!!!! 

Also this week, a couple of WONDERFUL people I kickbox with set up a FUN (no gambling) Poker Night FUNdraiser for us on June 1st!  If you are in our area COME OUT and join us for a night of laughs and food and fun!!!  We are excited because the last fundraiser we did like this (for someone else) it was A BLAST!

If you are praying for us!  Thank you!  We (of course) are hoping to be MATCHED!  Somewhere out there is our daughter!!!  Come out, come out where ever you are!  Ha ha!

Please continue to lift us up in prayer.  The funds are trickling in and we are SOOO very humbled!!! Please pray for our daughter and that we get matched with her!  Please pray for our family to remain patient while waiting.  Please pray for the B*lgar*an Government as they are holding elections soon (this may or may not affect our processing time).  Please pray for all orphans and the people who care for them.  Please pray for the people who have adoption on their heart and need the extra push to follow their calling. 

Thank you friends!  Thank you so very much!  May God Bless Each and Every One of YOU!

Slow and Steady Wins the (adoption) Race

Slowly and steady our adoption funds are going up, up, up!  What a fantastic view!!!  We have almost everything for our referral fees, B* agency fees and travel #1.  At least we can meet our child now... although, we may be sleeping on the street and starving ha ha! 

We were also told by our agency that they have increased some of their fees again. This will affect us when we need to get our homestudy updated after a year... Yipee!  More money to find.  ARG!

We have come across some amazing people in the adoption world.  Simply amazing, selfless people.  Individuals who sacrifice so much to fund adoptions, advocates of adoption that raise awareness and/or funds for other families, and all around giving people that WANT to help orphans find families! 

Honestly, before we embarked on this journey, we didn't see the plight of the orphans from a global perspective.  We were just open to the idea of growing our family with children that needed families.  We were especially drawn to children with special needs because they are the most overlooked.  After researching orphans with special needs, and the lack of care and dignity these precious humans receive, we were more drawn to advocating and adopting internationally. 

We know this is a huge step of faith.  We (I) often get sucked into the material ideas and possessions of our society.  Some days, I just don't know how individuals and families can just let go in utter faith.  I am working on this, but embarrassingly, I often fail. 

Some days I think I have it all planned out... we will patiently wait for the child God chose for us, we will have the funds as needed, we will travel, fall in love, everything will go swimmingly, our daughter will join us, we will live happily ever after, the end.

MOST other days are not like that in my head....NOT.AT.ALL.  I am impatiently waiting, bitter, antsy, snappy, mad that there is such a HUGE orphan crisis, mad that this takes so long to be a family, mad at everyone involved because there are many "logistics" that aren't logical in Canada, jealous of families that find their children, scared that we will have to sell an arm and a leg to fund this thing, petrified about travelling, scared that our daughter will be too much for us to handle (yep, I said it out loud), scared about catching some kind of parasite (yes, I am actually quite concerned about this ha ha), and just generally questioning my ability as a parent. 

Through all this mental torture, I can still find a small window of peace.  I think that there are  people praying for us still because often times when I just want to throw in the towel and move on, something/someone reminds me that this isn't about me at all!  This is God's will.  His plan. He is using US.  We are blessed to be given this opportunity...humbled that God's plan involves us...all we have to do is be obedient, listen have faith and follow His lead :)

I wonder what else God has planned for us?

What does He have planned for you???  Are you being called to be obedient and step out in Faith?  Are you aware of something that needs you to act accordingly?  What is on your heart?  What have your eyes seen that cannot be undone? 

Overloaded

Here is the raw truth...

I am having trouble.  I cannot stop obsessing thinking about adoption....or orphans...or money. 

It is driving me crazy!! 

I try to distract myself to pass the time.  It isn't working to much.

During our process thus far, I have seen various family and friends become pregnant and HAVE their babies already!  Some of these babies are getting big now too!  ARG!  I want my turn already!!! I admit, I feel pretty selfish saying that out loud.  I have been blessed already with five amazing children.  It saddens me to think of those couples that have fertility issues.  My heart goes out to them.  I could not imagine waiting to conceive and have the disappointment and "time loss" trying for a biological child... for the money, time and mental exhaustion spent on infertility treatments that fail them and then for the money and exhaustion related to adoption...those men and women are amazing.  To want a child so badly and to fight so hard to be a parent is...awe inspiring.

I cannot stop thinking, though, how "my" child is out there in an orphanage without a mommy to kiss and hug her.  She could be getting so many supports right now but instead is being treated like her life isn't of value.  She could be playing in the mud with her sisters right now, instead she will be lucky if her groupa goes outside to play.  She could be eating food that nourishes her body and allows it to grow...instead she is being malnourished because the funds for food isn't sufficient enough...nor are the funds sufficient for proper clothes and footwear. 

My daughter probably had sores on her tushy from her diapers not being changed regularly.  Her skin isn't being taken care of.  Her hair has no body or shine...if she even has hair (she could have the famous shaved/boy cut, easy-to-handle hair...blah!).  Her breath probably reeks from poor dental hygiene.  Her teeth full of plaque because the adults who are taking care of her are too busy to give individual attention.  Poor sweet child.  Does she know God??  Is someone teaching her?  Does anyone read to her? 

There are SO MANY orphans!!!  All around the world!  Here in Canada...in our communities!  Yes, we are going around the world to pick up our daughter.  This is where God has led us.  For various reasons (described in various blog posts). 

Older children and teens!  These children have such a bleak future!  I just read of a very young teen in an Asian country that is in an orphanage.  She is BEAUTIFUL!  She didn't choose to grow up an orphan!  What is worse...they are training her in massage "therapy" right now.  Ummm...do you know what kind of massage place this YOUNG girl will be working in!??!!??!  I could puke just thinking about this!  It's not only in Asia...it's in North America too!  These vulnerable children have no one to fight for them!  Human trafficking is REAL.  Slavery...REAL.  Child Prostitution....REAL. 

There is a reason that God tells us to take care of the orphans!  ALL OF THEM!!!!  (and the widows too).  The oppressed need US! 

If it is not you calling to adopt an orphan...that's OK...do something that is within your abilities! 

Advocate for orphans so that others hear the cry/the plea to adopt/sponsor/foster.

Financially Support - If you are able...donate!!!  This isn't a plea to fund our adoption... this is for orphanages and shelters and families that are struggling and also for people who want to adopt but need some assistance.

Goods and Services - Group homes, orphanages, foster families, shelters, hospitals, nursing homes, etc...they could all use SOMETHING whether it is groceries, clothing, food, companionship, supplies, volunteers, handy people, etc.  We all have something that can bless someone else! 

Pray.  Ask God to use you.  Ask God to show you where a need is.  Ask God to bless your contributions.  Pray for the individuals in shelters and homes and institutions.  Pray for the needy, the malnourished, the disabled, the abused, the poor and the lonely.  Pray for the workers and volunteers.  Pray for the people adopting and for others to step up and adopt.  Pray for our country, our world, our communities, our leaders, our educators, our neighbours, our families. 

Approved by the MOJ

We found out a couple of days ago that our dossier has been accepted by the B* Ministry of Justice (MOJ).  It was actually accepted a month ago (Feb 20th) but the agency just received the letter.  Whoot whoot!  We are thrilled!  It's another step in the right direction. 

Now what???  We wait...again....

Theoretically, we could be matched today ha ha...or we could have to wait years.  It all depends on if there is a little girl available for our family.  This wait is painful! 

We will either be matched by the MOJ or there may be a child on the waiting list that comes out every month that we may come across and inquire about. 

There have been a couple of little ones on the waiting list that we have inquired about.  Turns out that other adoptive families have similar taste!  It's great to see these kids get homes!  This route seems impossible to find someone within our parameters.  The wait list has a lot of older children.  According to our agency, we must adopt in birth order with a one year age gap between the kid that we are adopting and our current youngest child.  This is to stop any artificial twinning of siblings.  I can see the reason behind this. Developmentally, however, our daughters would not be the same as their chronological ages.  Oh well, I am going to pick and choose my battles and this isn't going to be one of them.

We have been putting off fundraising for a while.  Without an accepted dossier, we had a hard time being motivated to do anything adoption related.  We have been putting aside as much funds as we can save in the mean time.  Sloooowly our thermometer keeps rising.  We are thankful for that! We still need to come up with a large sum for our first trip.  Again, this could come quickly or we may still have some more time to slowly put aside money.  It is such a shame that it costs so much money. 

Our daughter will be worth every penny that we scrape up, every sacrifice that we make and every tear that we have shed!   I can't wait to meet my daughter.  My heart and my home feels empty knowing that our family circle is not complete yet.  We love this child that we have not met.

Her sisters pray every single day for their "new" sister. The second youngest always asks when we are going on an airplane to pick her up.  Our youngest tells God at every meal (yes, our food gets cold after her discussion with God ha ha) that her new sister can have her red dog (Clifford) and she can share a bunk bed with her and that she will say "please can I have my toy back" to her (use her manners instead of grab things from her ha ha!!).  Little Miss doesn't understand at all why her sister is not here yet!  Quite frankly daughters...neither do we. 

We appreciate all of you who are praying for our family.  Let's continue to pray for a match with our daughter!!!  Summer is coming up...I'm thinking that would be a great time for travel #1 ha ha!!!  It would sure help with the babysitting/school situation of the other kids.  All in God's time...I know...I know....

Adoption Land

It is kind of boring for us in Adoption Land.  Nothing new to report yet.  How I long for the  day that I can update this blog with some exciting news!  We are hoping that our paperwork FINALLY gets submitted with the B* government SOON (as in their next meeting...). 

We were BLESSED with another amazing donation from someone at our church. We are so very grateful that God is blessing this adoption in ways we could never do on our own!!!  We finally updated our little thermometer on this page and we were ecstatic to see God's provisions!!!  Wow! 

Would you please pray for our agencies/the people working with us throughout this journey.  We would like their hearts to be open to the uniqueness of our journey.  We want to see that they are working with us to get a child out of an orphanage and into a loving home. 

Please pray for the B* Government as they meet and go over the adoption dossiers.  Pray that our file gets accepted with no problems.  Of course, we would LOVE to be matched up sooner than later too.  That being said, prayer for patience during this process would be much appreciated too. 

It amazes me that we are going through this journey.  Because of this adoption, we have been able to meet so many amazing people, we have had our priorities change, and we have had to humble ourselves in uncomfortable ways.  There are times where I feel so discouraged but yet I would NEVER think to throw in the towel.  There is a little girl out there waiting and depending on us to have FAITH in GOD to free her from a life in an institution.  She is worth it!  I cannot wait to tell her this!!!! 

Thank you

Our thermometer is slowly creeping up!  Thank you to whomever gave us the envelope of money a week ago at church and to the person (M) who donated money through our agency!  We are so grateful!!!! 

Boo hoo...Whaaaaaa

That is me crying...why?  Because we didn't get the one and only grant that we could apply for.  It's hard not to take it personally that we were rejected!  I know that God has this and that there is a reason the other families receive this financial assistance.  It doesn't make it any easier to see the rejection letter though.  No reason behind it other than they (the grant providers) prayed over all the applications and were drawn to other families.  We prayed over applying and receiving this grant...ya...what can I say?!?!?   I know this is just bitterness talking but I feel discouraged. 

I hate not hearing anything about where our paperwork is at.  I don't like that I can't communicate with our B* agency because it has to be done through the guys here.  I am discouraged with all the red tape and stupid rules.  I want people to be on our team...to fight with us...to think outside the box and try to see things from our point of view! 

I'm tired of seeing how easy it is for a certain country to adopt internationally.  Canada needs to learn a thing or two about how to make it easier to adopt!  What a gong show!  I get it...there are rules in place for a reason...yep, get it!  I like rules, I have always been a rule follower (except for speeding...shh...I maaaaay have a heavy foot here and there....).  When people don't explain the rational behind the rules and procedures, or worse...the people of authority don't even know why they are in place...then I get mad! 

I am mad!  This isn't a happy post today.  I wanted to have the raw emotions out there and this is how I (we) feel at the moment!  Discouraged, frustrated, sad. 

I have come across two files recently of children that we are eligible for... I want to know why my agencies haven't discussed them with us.  Why do I get to see a picture of one amazing child only to see another family say they are going for her!?!  I try.  I give up.  I can't challenge that other country.  They have so much more flexibility.

I know what you are thinking...I am talking a lot about...ME!  MY wants, MY desires, MY expectations... this adoption is about the little girl that GOD has planned for us.  Why am I having such a hard time accepting this?  I feel like these files come up and we pray over them and ask things like, "why did we see them?  Is this who we should be fighting for?  Do we inquire?  Do we just sit still and wait?  Do we do nothing BUT wait?"  I want God's direct line!  What are we supposed to do right now!?!??!

Pray. 

That is all I can do.  That is what I am asking of those who are reading this.  I have no strength.  I haven't for a while.  I need to be lifted in prayer.  Satan is fighting this adoption again.  He can't win...he can't get in my head and cause doubt and anger and sadness anymore! 

Please pray.  God moves mountains.  I live in a town, LITERALLY surrounded by mountains (there is a mountain every direction that I look).  Mountains are huge.  This adoption isn't huge for God.

Thanks for supporting us.