Home Study is Signed

Oh happy day!!!!  One more (BIG, HUGE, IMPORTANT) thing checked off of our adoption to-do list :D :D :D The home study is DONE.  Yippee!! 

I cleaned like the queen was coming again.  Well, not as good as day one of our home study but still better than an "average" day here.  I was taking no chances of a spur-of-the-moment spot check.  No sirree, I even helped my brother clean his suite downstairs!  Once again, the whole visit was at our kitchen table (well, except for the time that a deer was passing through the neighbours yard and she left the house to take a picture ha ha).

It was a really weird experience to see all the interviews and questionnaires summed up onto 10 sheets of paper.  It was interesting to see things we talked about reworded with the proper adoption lingo and to see how our SW viewed each member of this house.  Very weird.  I'm just glad that it is over with and that someone (that the agency viewed as mature and experienced in our "type of adoption") thinks we are capable parents and have a loving family and that we are able to embrace a daughter with special needs.  Whoo hoo! 

We were blessed to have a fantastic Social Worker.  I couldn't have picked out a better fit for our family.  She was great!  Thank you God!  A really cool turn of events for our SW, during her time with us, was that her daughter decided to relocate to this part of the area.  There are three towns around here that the daughter and her husband could basically choose from (in order for him to be close to his work) and they settled on our town.  While our SW was visiting with us, her daughter was checking out the area and soon after was house shopping.  Last weekend they made the move here and we also found out they are expecting their first baby.  My SW was a VERY proud grandma-to-be this morning!  Because of her visits with us and her daughter's move, our SW is even considering relocating here too!  Wow!  It just goes to show what a wonderful community we live in.

Thank you to everyone who has been praying for us and encouraging us.  We are so grateful. 

I am really tired this afternoon so please excuse any grammatical errors.  I get very anxious before these meetings and, in turn, I have a really hard time falling asleep and also become the first one up in the morning.  If you know me personally, you know that I am NOT a morning person and I am definitely not the first one up! I was scared and very excited to see what our SW wrote and what her opinion of us was.  I figured it wasn't going to be horrible but the anticipation of having a professional analyze your life is pretty nerve-racking!

I am also nervous about our phone call on Tuesday with, yet another Social Worker (also set up through the agency to see if we are competent in what we have learned).  I'm just really tired of all these "tests" to see if we are competent.  Don't get me wrong, I fully understand the logic behind it and I am supportive of being well educated in adoption and in Down Syndrome.  I am just frustrated with the execution of it all and the different rules/expectations that we have been given with each new person that has joined the agency.  I am anxiously awaiting the next phase in this process and that is to complete our dossier!!!  But...in order for us to begin that step we have to finish the education (again...grr) and then pay another boatload of moola. 

Boatload of moola....that is going to be another post.  For now, I am asking for this to be a prayer request at this time.  We fully believe that God is in control of this adoption...not us!  It doesn't matter how hard we try, we cannot possibly control/direct this adoption to our favour.  Only God is possible of this.  Only God knows who this little girl is and how old she is and how she will come into our family.  Only God knows how to prepare our hearts and our minds.  We are watching Him work in the lives of some people in our lives that were nay-sayers at the beginning (just like our SW).  Showing them what they need to see/hear in order for them to understand our journey and why this is the path we are choosing. 

International adoptions, unfortunately, have a very heavy price tag.  We try very hard not to let the financial burden consume us because we wholeheartedly believe that this is God's Will and that He will provide as always.  We have faith that God will show us how and where to fund this adoption.  We have options (we do not qualify for the whole two Canadian adoption grants that are out there: http://www.orphanshope.ca/ http://davethomasfoundation.ca/what-we-do/our-grants/request-funding/) but none that are really screaming out at us right now.  Again, I'll discuss the financial crap obligations of international versus domestic adoption another day. 

Thank you for walking with us! 

Second Course and a whole lotta prayer

Just when I thought we were close to the next phase of this process, our agency throws us, yet ANOTHER, curve ball.  Tomorrow we have to have a conference all with a different social worker from the agency to discuss what we did (and did not) learn from our educational component to see if she needs to supplement us with more information.  It was news to us.  We were not told this would happen.  I asked if this was a test and the agency said it wasn't....ummm....how is this NOT a test!?!?!  If we don't know enough, we get more calls!  I can see us having at least one more call after this because the info that they sent us to be discussed tomorrow was not the same as the stuff we covered in the class.  Seriously frustrating!

I have been so angry and frustrated with our agency that I have actually contemplated throwing in the towel.  It's times like this that I am so grateful for certain people in my life that encourage us and remind us about the precious daughter that we are waiting on.

I have taken for granted how easy it was for us to get pregnant.  This adoption process is far more demanding than the nine months of hell my body went through during my pregnancies (I did not have easy and wonderful pregnancies...in fact, I disliked being pregnant for the most part!).  Now, as people around me are having babies and getting pregnant, I am getting more and more mad at this intrusive and demanding process.  I want to scream and shout and have major toddler-like temper tantrums!  I would rather go through labour & delivery without and epidural than go through this journey right now! 

I have been hiding my feelings for a while.  When people ask, I usually say the process is slow and we are just trucking along.  What I really feel is that this process is making me a crazy woman, who is almost always thinking about adoption, is jealous of all the happy/easy and FAST stories about other people's adoption, is questioning myself and all aspects of my life.  I am doubting myself and stressing and worrying. 

Being summer holidays, I have been busy with the kids and holidays.  We haven't been to church in...let's just say...a while.  We are not morning people in this house and our church changed their hours to start an hour earlier for the summer time.  Seriously, whoever thought that was a good idea should be given a shake!  I understand their logistics...early church equals more hours to play in the afternoon (this is a VERY outdoorsy community).  However, I think more adults "play" later in the evenings (and maybe even the wee hours of the morning) and kids go to bed later and summertime should not be the time to make people get up earlier than the regular calender year.  Just sayin'....

I haven't been to kickboxing in WEEKS!  It doesn't help that, they too, moved their hours down to accommodate themselves and shortened their classes from four classes to a mere two.  I guess, having a newborn baby to snuggle with and cuddle and coo over is a good enough reason...but, darn it...what about me!?!?!  Ha ha!  I'm not really this selfish...hmm, or am I!??! 

Unfortunately, this reduction in punching and kicking people exercise has had a real negative impact on my body, mind and spirit (arg, I sound like a hippie here).  I went back for the first time this evening and, let me say, it was so hard to get out the door.  I could feel myself slipping into some sort major funk these past couple of weeks.  MAJOR FUNK!  I have been so grumpy and moody and sad lately, the scale has not budged (the way I want) in a very long time.  I wanted to shut the door to my bedroom, lock myself in and devour a whole black forest cake with my bare hands followed by a face stuffing of double-stuffed oreos!  Ha ha, don't worry...I still had (some) self control and will-power!  I could feel that slipping soon too.  I really need to have my outlet....hmm...or a counsellor ha ha!

So, ya...back to this adoption mountain climb (because I am not in the mood to call it a mere journey right now!!!).  I need prayer.  Our family needs prayer.  Prayer for what??? you might ask (in case you haven't already thought of a few on your own after reading this disturbing tale of cake and anger management issues ha ha).?  Well, here is a good starter list and please, feel free to add on to it ha ha:

1. Our conference call tomorrow with social worker #2
2. Our home study to be completed/signed off this weekend (this is another sore spot right now...bad communication with SW and agency...grr)
3. Finances to be sorted for next portion of our fees (this is where the chocolate cake issues manifest)
4. Strong relationships in our lives.  We are having a tough time connecting with anyone here (including/especially with the people from our church...I think I scare people...no, seriously...I don't get it...).  I really am longing for some REAL woman in my life that want to be with me and can encourage and  pray with me.  There's got to be some people out there that we click with?  Ha ha, maybe I am going to regret laying this one out there but it is a real and honest prayer request
5. Peace!!!  I don't want to be in this stupid funk anymore!!!  I want to embrace God's peace over this adoption again and all we come into contact with. 
6. The little girl that we are adopting.  At the rate we are going she may not even be born yet.  But, God has a plan and knows who she is!
7. Knowledge and resources to prepare us for the adoption of a child with Down Syndrome. 
8. Our family, the kids, our marriage, etc.

I think that is a huge list of requests.  THANK YOU to all those who have been praying for us.  I can see that our numbers are down a lot for our readers/followers but if more than a couple of people pray, God can work many miracles beyond my widest imagination!  I'm excited.  Bring it on!!!!