Adoption Cranky

The title is self-explanatory...we are adoption cranky.  We thought for sure we would be picking up our daughter already or close to picking her up.  I thought we would have her with us to celebrate Easter.  It doesn't seem to be this way.  We are waiting for our paperwork to go to the embassy.  Hopefully we will get some travel dates after all of that is done.  It is taking forever. I miss her with every part of my being.  I have a huge hole in my heart that I cannot fill.

The waiting has been hard.  I have not done well with it.  I have gained a stupid amount of weight (having my kickboxing class close down during the middle of all of this didn't help matters either boo hoo), I can see the stress in my eyes and on my face.  I am tired.  Tired of waiting, tired of being asked by everyone when will we be going.   I wish I could just move forward and go on with life as though nothing has changed but I can't.  I have to prepare for my baby.

We have her room ready to go.  I bought diapers and wipes.  It was SO WEIRD buying those again!!!  We bought a change table to go with those diapers and wipes ha ha!  I bought some baby food for her because she most likely does not eat solids.  Baby food has CHANGED since my last daughter.  There are these weird looking squeeze packages now (you can even buy spoons that attach to the ends of them!!)  I must have stood in the baby section for over an hour (over a few days because I got so overwhelmed with what she may or may not need that I just gave up).  In the end, I pretty much grabbed one of everything and left HA HA HA!!!

I feel like a new mom again.  It is really weird because I have five other kids already.  Getting ready for the arrival of Little Miss is not nearly as calm as babies 2,3,4 and 5!  I don't know what she eats, how she eats, what kind of bottle and/or cup to bring.  Then throw in those squishy food packs sheesh!

I cannot figure out what size of clothes to bring either.  She is around 18 pounds but long (she will probably be 2.5 years old by the time we get her).  I though 18 months would be a bit big but doable, however, after reading the labels on the clothes, I'm thinking she may fit in 9 month clothes!!  Yikes!  So...I'm thinking 12 months may be the solution instead.

Not a moment passes that I don't wonder how Little Miss is doing.  Is she with a baba (a special lady that teaches her how to bond and attach by spending quality time with her)?  Are they preparing her for us?  Do they treat her well?  Are they growing her hair out instead of chopping it off like a boy (yes, I think about this ha ha)?  What appointments should I be anticipating?  Is my doctor actually the right person for her?  If not, what is plan B?   My head is spinning.  I am in agony.

A couple of ladies have mentioned that they would like to throw a shower for Little Miss.  I have only ever had a shower for my oldest child.  It is a (really) weird concept for me.  The more post-first-born baby showers that I have now gone to for other families, the more I have come to appreciate the thoughtfulness and reasons behind it.  Although, it is not what I have known, it is growing on me ha ha!  If I was having a newborn, I don't think the idea of having one for Little Miss would stress me out as much as it does in our situation.  I honestly do not know the best way to deal with an adoption shower.  Some other adopting moms suggested to have one prior to Little Miss coming home so that we can work on our attaching/bonding/cocooning (THERE WILL BE A POST ON THIS TOPIC).   Others suggested waiting a few months until we get home, others say to have one and leave Little Miss at home (and/or have dad pop her by for a very quick sneak peek).  Honestly, I don't know what to do at all and when I feel like this, then I just don't want to do it period.  Like I said, I have nothing in me.  The waiting and the roller coaster ride has sucked me dry.  I need to move forward already.  I also need to tell people something...oy.  Any suggestions?

I have been trying to make freezer meals to keep on standby for when we get home from Bulgaria. Unfortunately, the longer we wait to go, the more meals I have used up ha ha!  Having little motivation lately has made cooking supper quite the chore.  It's so much easier to grab a pre-made one and healthier and cheaper than take-out.  We were so incredibly jet-lagged after the last trip that I want to be as prepared as I can this time around -especially with a new child.  If anyone has any good freezer meal ideas, please forward them our way.

I know there will be an end to this.  I know that these "labor pains" will be worth it (and forgotten even).  I know that it is all in God's hands and in His time and not mine (this saying is getting on my nerves and I don't know why).  Knowing all of this doesn't make the everyday pain feel better though.  No one can say that we do not want this child.  If we had to do this all over again...every single piece...we would in a heartbeat.  This child deserves a family and we are so lucky to be her family.  We are waiting.  We are praying.  We are eating way too many mini eggs!

If you are praying for our family, please pray that the paperwork gets settled swiftly and accurately so that we can go soon.  Please pray for Little Miss's heart to accept her new family.  Please pray for her health. Please pray for her caregivers that they meet her needs with love.  Please pray for all the preparations that are involved in our travel.  Please pray that we find good hotels this time (we are staying in a different city).  Please pray for our five here as they prepare for their new sister.  Please pray that hubby and I make it through this process as a stronger couple.  Please pray that we are able to help Little Miss with her needs naturally and without fear.

Court

We have a new sister now!  We passed court!!!

We were pleasantly surprised to wake up to an email from our agency to say that we passed.  It is Monday now and we are now able to think straight again.  Our baby is ours now.  She is coming home to some very excited big sisters.  We are overjoyed.  I cannot wait to hop on that plane next month and go get her.  This journey is long and emotional, but she is 100% worth doing this for.

Please continue to pray that all the details get worked out for us to go pick her up.  Thank you for the love and support.