A lot happens in a year

A year ago, Corey and I got up in front of our church and explained to the congregation our plans to adopt.  We explained (or at least tried to explain) how international adoption is expensive and where the fees all go.  We had just submitted our dossier and were waiting on approval from the
B government.  It was really hard for us to get up and pour our heart out especially when we didn't have a certain child that we were matched up with yet.

We had a wonderful lady from our church offer and volunteer to help set up a fundraiser to help fund some of the fees.  The goal for us was to have the next big junk of fees ready for when we got a proposal.  We knew that a proposal could be given really quickly once our dossier was accepted.  The blessings we received from the fundraiser went above and beyond our wildest dreams.  God provided the next set fees in almost one day.  A result of that day was pure peace that we were doing God's Will and that He was going to provide the funds necessary to adopt a little girl that deserves a family.
God has been so amazing.  Almost every dollar has been raised for the adoption including every single unexpected fee that was thrown at us.  This was done in ONE YEAR!  Almost to the day!  It has been so neat to watch God's Work through this adoption.  There have been quite a bit of "God Moments" since we have agreed to pursue adoption.  I wish we wrote them all down.  I'm sure there are a ton that we don't even realize.  The moments that we do realize, however, are beautiful.

A year has passed since our fundraiser and now we can say we have MET this BEAUTIFUL little girl that will join our family.  She is REAL now.  She is more than a thought or a hope or a dream.  She is a human being with a promising future.  She is so loved and adored and she isn't even in our home yet.  She has sisters praying for her and building dreams for her.  She has parents that love and adore her and are HEARTBROKEN to have split from her during this next phase.

So many people have said to us, "It must be hard leaving her behind".  On a bad day, I want to spit sarcasm out... "What do you want me to say...Uh, no it was so easy leaving her in an institution where she can stare at her hands all day as entertainment".  I think I have bit my tongue on those "bad" days though (or at least I sure hope I did).  MOST of the time, I know the comment is the person pondering or being supportive, or striking up a conversation.  IT SUCKED LEAVING HER! I cried.  I am angry.  I can't seem to find anything to remotely keep me occupied.

You would think Christmas with five kids would help pass the time.  Nope!  I just want Christmas break to pass.  I met her.  She is real.  I touched her.  I kissed her.  I smelled her.  I made her laugh.  I cuddled.  I loved.  She felt LOVE.  She was left.  What is she doing for Christmas?  What is she doing for her BIRTHDAY on Friday?  Does she get celebrated? Who is with her? Is she sick?  Is she cared for?  Is she treated well?  Is she getting food?  Is SOMEONE loving her?

For these moments of complete anguish, I remind myself that God loves her.  God protected this baby before I was aware she existed.  God got her through hospital visits and protected her throughout her surgery's.  God provided the RIDICULOUS fees associated with her adoption.  God gave us amazing people to help facilitate the many, many avenues of this journey -from the fantastic social worker we were given, to the Bulgarian facilitator, to the bank tellers and clerk at the police station here in our town.  We have made new friends as a result of our journey.  We have stepped (leaped) totally out of our comfort zone and made ourselves vulnerable.  We have met people who are watching us go through this with their own dreams/ fears of taking this leap of faith into the crazy word of adoption (psst....DO IT...it'll change your life!!)

I wrote this back in April but it is fitting for this time of year:

If it is not you calling to adopt an orphan...that's OK...do something that is within your abilities!  

Advocate for orphans so that others hear the cry/the plea to adopt/sponsor/foster. 

Financially Support - If you are able...donate!!!  This isn't a plea to fund our adoption... this is for orphanages and shelters and families that are struggling and also for people who want to adopt but need some assistance. 

Goods and Services - Group homes, orphanages, foster families, shelters, hospitals, nursing homes, etc...they could all use SOMETHING whether it is groceries, clothing, food, companionship, supplies, volunteers, handy people, etc.  We all have something that can bless someone else!   

Pray.  Ask God to use you.  Ask God to show you where a need is.  Ask God to bless your contributions.  Pray for the individuals in shelters and homes and institutions.  Pray for the needy, the malnourished, the disabled, the abused, the poor and the lonely.  Pray for the workers and volunteers.  Pray for the people adopting and for others to step up and adopt.  Pray for our country, our world, our communities, our leaders, our educators, our neighbours, our families.  

“I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.  (Matt 17:20)

Thank you for praying for our family.  Thank you for praying for our sweet Little Miss.  We have sent all the paperwork required of us to update our dossier to send off to the judge.  We have no idea how long this next phase will take us.  Right now we wait for a court date.  This could be a long time.  In theory, it doesn't have to take a long time our facilitator told us.  Wow, wouldn't that be a miracle to have a super speedy court date!  

Please continue to pray.  Pray for the judge that will be reading our file.  Pray for our facilitators to represent us well.  Pray for all red tape to go smooth.  Pray for citizenship for Little Miss to be smooth and easy.  Pray for Little Miss (to keep her healthy and nourished and cared for).  Pray for the girls as they wait so patiently for their new sister.  Pray for us as we prepare for her arrival and her medical needs when she get here.  

Thank you!  May God Bless each person that walks this with us directly or indirectly :)

The Dreaded Last Visit

November 29

Today is the dreaded last visit with Little Miss. Please pray for us today for strength and peace as we visit with her and then leave her behind. I want to puke. My head is pounding. Not only is my heart completely broken for this child and the other children here, but I miss my girls back home too. I feel like I have two broken hearts right now. One here and one across the ocean.

I may have cried just a wee bit today. In one week we have established a bond with one of the toughest, flexible, silly, gentle, stubborn, beautiful, smart, amazing little girls in BG. You can tell the caregivers that adore her. It took until today for them to ask why we chose to adopt a child with Down syndrome. They are excited to see her go to a family with beautiful sisters. They cannot comprehend how I do not work. It is not common to have a large family here.

We sat down with the director before departing.  She is one tough looking lady. She doesn't smile often. I cracked a smile a couple of times this week from her and I actually saw her tear up when I was melting down explaining how we will miss our New Sister.

We drove to the capital to sign our papers. I would not want to be a translator. The poor guy had to read every single legal word and number for an hour. Yuck.

We said goodbye to our driver, lawyer and translator. Tomorrow we fly to London to spend the night and then make the long flight home. I may be a walking zombie this coming up week so don't expect much ha ha!

Thursday Visit

November 28

Last full day with Little Miss. Tomorrow we only see her in the morning and then we drive back to the capital to sign our papers to proceed with her adoption.

This morning was an ok visit. Little Miss is now brought down to the playroom before we get there. The caregiver says she calms down as soon as she comes to the room because she knows we are coming. Poor girl is going to be crushed next week.

They left a bottle of juice in the room with us. I tried feeding it to her. At first it went ok and then she totally flipped out! I think she had a sore throat and the acid from the juice hit her. She puked not too long after. There had been times I caught her swallowing her spit up this week. Yuck.

Today was a breakthrough!!  She allowed me to put her on the floor!  We played for a bit (until she puked). She is trusting us. Grr the process sucks. Lets build her trust and then leave! Sooo stupid!

The therapist took us down to her therapy room to show us what she does to help strengthen her. Little munchkin wanted nothing to do with it though. She cried through the whole ordeal. Broke my heart. I just wanted to pick her up and make her feel better. The therapist said the same thing about Little Miss in that she knows us and just wants to be with us. As soon as she was in my arms again, she melted right into me. She was so comfortable and not stimming... Something we didn't see of her yet.

 

In the afternoon, she must have had a great nap as she was super playful. She sure likes the glow worm and noisy book a friend of ours sent!!! I have all the songs memorized (again) ha ha! 

From the hubby:

 

"I am thankful that some restaurants have fully translated menu's in English. How else would I be able to spot a great deal on a Beef head with tripe. But I didn't order it, I fear an entire beef head would be too much to eat. "

Wednesday Visit

November 27

Today is an emotional draining day. Little Miss does not like to be put down (I don't blame her... She's getting full attention and love right now). We tried to see her scars (from her heart surgery a year ago) and this made her very upset with us. It took a while to calm her down. The staff around us were quick to find things to "clean" so they could check on us.

After that, we were given a tour of the floor she lives on. Our facilitator says this is one of the better orphanages. If this is better, I don't want to see worse. We saw her groupa today (the kids in her group). So cute. But so many. It made me really sad to see a ten year old girl the size of a toddler in this group laying/playing with them. From the size of her head, I'm sure she has hydrocephalus.

We saw the sleeping area. A dozen cribs crammed in a small space. Was it a coincidence that Little Miss's bed had the only toy in it??? I think not.

The area she eats in... The hallway! In a teeny tiny highchair. The director was proud to show us the older kids "everything room" for food and recreation. She tells us that they teach them to be independent. Personally, I think it's just easier for them.

The tour was nice, but we wonder how much of this is a show. There are so many other rooms with doors shut. Another floor that we were not permitted to visit. Ya... Not fishy.

I'm feeling a bit homesick am overwhelmed today (I also missed my oldest daughter's first volleyball tournament today). I had to fight back tears a few times. This is hard.

Second visit was better. Little Miss definitely knows who we are. She reaches out for us when the caregivers bring her in the room. We are figuring out her personality. I love making her laugh! We even got her to play sitting on the ground with us (on our lap). I think what makes this hard is that we already see this quick change in her personality. We see her learning things (like eye contact and kisses) but it upsets me that we do this and then leave her for months. I knew this was the process and I knew it was going to be tough. It's uber excruciating when you have accepted to be her mother and feel like you are abandoning her. You want the best. You know that she is worth more than what is given here. In due time she will be here. In due time.

We saw a lot of her orphanage behaviour today that she does to entertain herself. That was very tough to watch. The rocking (this was the first time we saw her do it), the hand sucking (reason for an open sore/blister), the weird sound she makes in her mouth, and her crazy fascination with her fingers (which she contorts her hand backwards while watching her fingers).

This child needs prayers and so do the staff that work with her. The kids that are there also. We live good lives here.  I cannot wait for my baby to join us!

 

The orphanage liked the donations of clothes, toys and other things that came with us. They said some of it was used right away. Thank you to all that contributed!!!  We were given the suitcases back so we DEFINITELY will fill them again for next trip!!!

 

Posted from the hubby:

 

 "on the way home I noticed we almost hit a small dog, there are many wild dogs. Then we almost hit a second small dog, it was dark out. I said "lots of small dogs tonight". The driver replied, "we have no small dogs, I think that was a wild pig".  "  Ha ha!!!

 

"Today when we crossed the bridge that is only narrow enough for one car, but has traffic in both directions, I asked how they know who has the right of way. The explanation was it is similar to a intersection with four way stop. This left me more confused, and glad I am not driving.

 

"In BG coffee made by Nescafé is highly revered. Italy is also close by, so Italian espresso is also popular. But we haven't met anyone that knew what a latte was, so the closest drink is a cappuccino."

 

"if I order a "Coke" I get a natural juice drink called 'Cappy', if I order a "cola" I get what I expect (the pop), if I order a "Coca-Cola" I get asked which one I want (the cappy or the pop)."

Tuesday Visit

Tuesday, Nov 26

I love the food here!!! It's cheap too which is a bonus. I am a pretty picky eater but I have loved everything I have tried so far! 

Our visits are going well. I think the orphanage staff and facilitator like us. Our facilitator complemented us at dinner; that made us feel like things are going well. The staff at the orphanage seem to like our relationship with Little Miss. There were five families meeting kids today!! We got a playroom instead of the lobby thankfully! It was so much more private.  Even our translator and facilitator were in another room.  Their room was connected to ours with a window the adjoined the two rooms.  Whenever a staff member came to talk with us, our translator could quickly zip over to help the discussion.  They must have trusted us because they left us alone most of the time.

 

A little girl (around 7 years) snuck into our room (I'm sure she has some form of autism) and tried to rip Little Miss right out of my arms!!! That was eventful. We saw the older kids rooms. 15 toddler sized beds crammed into a room the size of my daughters!!! No stuffies or cuddly blankets. Very cold. Like prison. There were locks on EVERY door even if they weren't locked...they were still there!

 

Little Miss was a bit restless in the afternoon. I think that she was actually NOT on cold medication this time and therefore not drowsy. We were told that the staff cannot understand why she is so good and content for us. Apparently she has been quite fussy to everyone except for us. Our facilitator tried explaining to them that a child's heart knows their family and that it comes from a higher power. They didn't agree or understand what her was saying and are still puzzled at the bond we have with her. In all honesty, we think they may not have given her the medicine this afternoon just to see how it went with us. It was definitely different but she is sick and wants to be cuddled, loved, have her face caressed and her back tickled. These are not things a busy staff member will give her. God has definitely prepared this baby's heart. What a journey we are on.

 

Thank you to everyone that is praying for us. Thank you to all who have financially helped Little Miss find a family. Praise God we get to be her mom and dad (God Willing our judge signs the papers).

Posts from the hubby:

"Did I mention in BG nodding your head means "no", and shaking your head left to rights means "Yes". Trying to not make a mistake with that body language is hard. So I get asked a question, then I answer to the translator, usually wrong body language, which throws off the person asking the question when the translated answer is opposite. Then throw in that our translator is trying to use our backwards body language when communicating with us."

"I don't understand the driving laws. There is a bridge large enough for one car width. It seems like either the fastest car, or the nicest looking car gets right of way. One time we passed oncoming traffic (at low speed), and the only reason there wasn't contact made was because side mirrors were at different heights. Competition for parking spots is puzzling, also possibly nicest looking car. Driving backwards, for a whole block also seems legit. Quite amazing."

Monday Visit

Monday, Nov 25

We met our baby!!! She is BEAUTIFUL!!!  Only God could match us up with such a perfect little girl!  We weren't allowed to take any videos or pictures of our first encounter (until we signed a form at the notary office saying we wouldn't publish photos or videos of her).  That was quite the disappointment.  We will never get to experience that moment of first meeting her again.  We were waiting in the front lobby as they brought her down a long hallway from upstairs where she lives.  She was in a pink sweat suit with tights and a onesie on.  Our facilitator wasn't too happy with her outfit because normally the kids are "prettied up" for these visits.  I don't care what clothes she was wearing!  She was gorgeous!

She wasn't feeling well. The poor girl is very skinny.  Her legs are quite long but very scrawny.  She needs a family; some food and some love. Poor munchkin. She had a terribly runny nose.  The staff gave her cold medicine and it caused this poor child to be quite drowsy.  She was very pale and made very little eye contact.  The lack of eye contact was to be expected from a child who was raised in an orphanage but the cold medicine didn't help anything.  She did a lot of stimming (self stimulation) -sucking her tongue (also sticking it out quite a bit), made clicking sounds from the back of her throat, sucking her hand and her favourite was to watch her hand/fingers.  It was so sad to see stimming in person...to know that this child has so little contact with people that she has to find her HANDS entertaining!  GRRRR!!!!
 
It sounds like the staff was surprised she didn't cry for us. I guess little miss likes to cuddle and be pampered especially when she is feeling ill...go figure!!!  (That is written with a lot of sarcasm and anger). 

It was a really good visit although it was in the lobby and surrounded by people.  She didn't want anything to do with ANY of the toys we brought.  All she wanted to do was cuddle...I was ok with that :)  She DID NOT want down, nor were WE allowed to sit on the chair with her...she wanted to be carried ha ha.  I did finally figure out she liked to touch the cold window.  Near the end of the second visit, she would put out her hand so I could touch it to the window...progress baby!!! 

The trip -Flights, gross hotel, first night in country

We had very little time to ourselves on the trip.  When we did have and hour or so, we slept.  We were in bed early every single night.  If you know us, you know we rarely go to bed early.  This trip and these past few days, we have been in bed around 9pm, 8 pm then 7pm!!! We are soooo tired!  The jet lag wasn't nearly as bad arriving in country as it was coming home.  I'm glad about that.  I couldn't imagine functioning in a foreign country feeling as I do these past few days.  It is rough!

I tried to have descriptive facebook posts while we were in country so that I could reference them for this post.  I will try elaborating a bit more than the posts but if you have me on facebook, you will recognize most of what I am going to write.  (That is your warning ha ha).

We had such an amazing experience with British Airways. They were kind and friendly and super helpful.  At the security, the guy couldn't believe this was my first time flying so he put me in the lineup for families (the nice line up ha ha).  That was such a relief.  They walked me through everything and Corey laughed the whole time.  He kept saying, "I've never been treated this well".  Ha ha, maybe he needs to take me on more trips ;)

When we boarded the plane, Corey was explaining something to me and the steward caught on I never flew before either.  He would come by and make sure I was ok and when we landed he told the captain.  The captain proceeded to invite me to the cockpit to see how it all works (I even got to sit in his chair HA HA!!!!).  I was so embarrassed but it was pretty cool.  Again, Corey was just tickled at all the niceness. 

We arrived in London after our 9 hour flight.  We were exhausted!  We really wanted to see the Windsor Castle and take pictures for our girls but it just didn't happen unfortunately.  We ended up taking a double decker bus to the mall instead.  That was a neat experience.  The girls got a kick out that.  We made sure to sit on the top just for them :)

The place we stayed in London was made for layovers.  Our agent told us she sends many missionaries there in between flights as it is a very basic place with no frills made for layovers.  We took her word on it that it was going to be ok.  We were so tired the first night that we just went to sleep.  On the way back we went to the same "hotel".  We walked into the room and it was DISGUSTING!  There was hair everywhere and blood on the sheets...BARF!!!!!!  Needless to say, we wandered around London looking for a new accommodation that was close by.  Thankfully, after a couple of tries, we found a place.  We lost out on money because we had to pay both places but I don't regret the move one bit!  At least we didn't feel like we were going to catch a disease in our sleep.  I think that was the worst experience of our trip (other than saying goodbye to our daughter).

The plane to BG was smaller.  There were no movies on this three hour flight and we were crammed in with another person.  Thankfully, the plane wasn't full and after lift-off our seatmate found a free spot in the back giving us all the much needed space and legroom.

When we arrived in BG, we thought we would see our facilitator among the people holding signs with names on them.  We panicked a bit when our name wasn't on any of the signs!  Lucky for us, it didn't last long as our facilitator and his two sons (both lawyers that work with him, one being our translator) sought us out.  We came with four suitcases (two suitcases were chalk full of donations that we left with the orphanage) and were quite excited to walk up to a minivan (most cars are VERY small).

They drove us to the capital where we would spend our first night (and last night before flying off).  When we got settled in our room (and they showed us how to work the lights, they brought us to a restaurant that served traditional Bulgarian food.

The restaurant was a culture shock.  Thankfully, it had an English menu.  I already knew that I wanted to order the Shopska salad (the "famous" salad of Bulgaria) but knew I was really hungry so I added a soup to the order.  Soup and salad...sounded light and non-piggish right?!?!  NOPE!  It caused quite the discussion at the table.  "You want soup AND salad?  Two?  Both?"  "She wants both, yes"  "Both...you want soup?  or salad?"  "One soup AND One salad"  "Yes, that IS what she wants".  OH MY STARS!!!  This was the first meal here and I already felt awkward!  Corey thought it was quite comical!  I ate all the food and it was delicious!!!  I still do not understand the problem!