There were so many emotions on that "GOTCHA DAY" morning. After ALL these months and years of us waiting and praying, our daughter was FINALLY going to be ours. It was so very surreal, to say the least. So many thoughts went through our mind, " we hope she likes us again, we hope that we can meet her needs, we hope that she doesn't have uncontrollable crying fits that we can't handle, etc" Ahhhh...the nerves hit us HARD! But is was equally exciting!
The drive to Little Miss' village was fun. It was neat showing Liz a little of her little sister's country. It was such an eye opener for her. She couldn't believe that people drove with horse and cart still ha ha! I'm glad that we took her. I hope that her memories always stay with her.
When we arrived at the orphanage, the director gave Liz a huge kiss and a chocolate (that we later learned was filled with brandy) HA HA HA HA! The director was excited to see Little Miss with go with us. It was such a super busy morning. They took our donations, got us to sign stuff, took the outfit for Little Miss to change her into. The lady in charge of feeding told us about her diet. In the middle of the discussion, they brought Little Miss to us! After that the world stopped! It was SURREAL to see this baby in an outfit that was picked out for her in Canada. An outfit that she was forever leaving in. She was beautiful! She didn't remember us, I don't think. She warmed up to us right away though. The guilt I had for leaving her at the orphanage in between trips hit me hard (it still hits me). I know that we had no say in the process of leaving her in between trips, but leaving your baby to a place that makes your heart break is devastating. Seeing her months later with no change to her...no weight change, no developmental change...extra heart breaking!
The orphanage staff gave Little Miss a beautiful send off. They had a speech prepared for her which we were not ready for. Before we knew it, the staff were huddled together and someone was talking really fast in Bulgarian while our translator was trying to catch up. It was beautiful...the stuff we could understand. We took pictures and did lots of hugging and thanking the staff. As we left the building, we were given another ceremony with rose water that we were to walk through. It was really sweet. I just really wished we knew about these before hand so that we could have really experienced everything instead of being surprised by it all.
Little Miss puked and puked and puked! She puked right into my mouth (and into the director's ha ha)! GROSS! All over anyone that held her. The staff in charge of her feeding told us she does not eat off a spoon; only bottle fed. They told us she puked because she sticks her hand into her mouth and makes herself. They told us not to let her put her hand into her mouth and kept scolding her whenever she did it. We figured this wasn't right. The orphanage sent us off with two bottles for lunch. One with juice and the other was a bottle with a huge hole cut out for potato soup.
We decided to try feeding Little Miss the food that the orphanage staff had sent with her for lunch. It was a busy morning as we had to take her to get her passport photo directly from the orphanage (that was NOT FUN either!!!). We didn't want to change too much of her routine right away and wanted to see how she fed. That lunch feeding was the saddest moment I had. Eating was so traumatizing for her. She drank both of her bottles in three minutes flat. No break. A total fear that she wasn't getting anything else if she even took a break. There was zero eye contact. Her body was rigid. You could see the fear she had. You could feel the longing to get every last drop of her bottles. She ate her bottle with zero enjoyment, no taste, nothing. She turned her head to the side and lifted her chin so high up to fully open up her throat to chug the contents of her bottle down.
Sure enough, as soon as she was done her feed, she threw up EVERYWHERE. ALL DAY. We all smelled like puke in Bulgaria. The bottle she was given by the orphanage was the only one she knew. It was the one we saw her drink from on trip one. It allowed too much air for a child with Down Syndrome. Unfortunately, the ones we brought for her she HATED. She wouldn't drink milk, only juice. We knew that being in country was all about survival for all of us. We couldn't wait to get back home so that we would have all of our resources available to try to get Little Miss to drink/eat.
After spending a very long time at the grocery store, we bought some baby food for her to try. Ha ha, funny story about the grocery store: They were handing out samples of what I thought was canned juice. Nope it was full cans of beer (they told me after giving me mine and then telling me why Liz couldn't have one. Ha ha) then we tried another sample in the store and it was another grapefruit beer. Ha ha. Momma was getting drunk in the grocery store. Lol. (Kidding). Anyways, Little Miss did not like ANY of the Bulgarian baby food (I think it was too thick for her). Thankfully she loved the pureed food we brought from home! She even ate off of a spoon! Grr, to the staff who said she couldn't! She was a champ! we also found out she loved the Danone brand of yogurt and it seemed to stay down (more than other stuff). There was a day that I was eating a muffin and I gave her slobbery mouth tiny pieces to suck on (as she had no concept of chewing)... she LOVED it! We gave her a bit of juice (carrot, apple and pear) with water to wash down the muffin... Some puke but not as projectile . Success for that day. She slowly began to get color in her face after the meals.
It took a few days, but slowly she became more calmer at meal time. The trauma lessened. She allowed me to rotate a few bites of food with sips of her bottle. There were a couple of really calm trusting meals. It's was so sad to see her fear of eating. Her fear of going hungry. At 2 years old she should not feel this pain associated with meals. She should not have the teeth and the body of a bulimic because her food doesn't sit in her belly. Slowly, she will trust. Slowly, she will prevail. She is tough and a fighter. And soooo darn cute. You can't help but smile at her silliness.
We were teaching her to kiss and when I thought she was kissing me back, she bit my lip so hard I thought I was going to have a fat lip (she also bit through her tongue and caused a crazy amount of blood). She has very sharp teeth. I would suspect that is what happens when you don't use them.
My most favorite mother-daughter moment was the day that she fell asleep in the carrier on our walk. She was so calm and at peace. That was precious enough but then, after our walk, and after giggling in her crib during her nap time, I pulled her into my bed. She held my hand, allowed me to stroke her hair WHILE MAKING EYE CONTACT and then fell asleep exactly like that. Seriously. I was in love. I was smitten. Precious, precious, precious!
Little Miss was 17.5 pounds when we picked her up. She was 17 pounds on her referral forms. Goes to show how much food she was NOT getting! Her skin was see through. She was skin on bone. No fat. No cute little rolls on her legs or arms. Her hair was even thin. She made no eye contact. She crossed her eyes when focusing. She barely sat up; didn't crawl or try to roll around. She had no interest in any type of toy. There was no grasp. No life in her arms or her legs. No life in her. She was so fragile and her bones stuck out of her. They were sharp; especially her sternum and ribs where she had her heart surgery. It was gross. It was scary.
Another thing I forgot to add, was how Little Miss BURNED her hand on the first day we had her. Any guesses on what she burned her hand on??? Here is a hint... her own body produced it!!! Her own VOMIT eroded her skin. She had a vicious cycle of grabbing at her tongue after puking. The puke was so acidic that it ate at her fingers. It was awful. We had to put socks on her hands pretty much the whole time we were in Bulgaria. She doesn't need the socks now and her hand has healed now. Unbelievable.
Little Miss is all over the map developmentally. Feeding is at around a 6 month old. Clothing was 12-18 months. Motor skills 9 months. But the temper tantrums fit perfectly with a 2 year old ha ha!!!!
After spending a very long time at the grocery store, we bought some baby food for her to try. Ha ha, funny story about the grocery store: They were handing out samples of what I thought was canned juice. Nope it was full cans of beer (they told me after giving me mine and then telling me why Liz couldn't have one. Ha ha) then we tried another sample in the store and it was another grapefruit beer. Ha ha. Momma was getting drunk in the grocery store. Lol. (Kidding). Anyways, Little Miss did not like ANY of the Bulgarian baby food (I think it was too thick for her). Thankfully she loved the pureed food we brought from home! She even ate off of a spoon! Grr, to the staff who said she couldn't! She was a champ! we also found out she loved the Danone brand of yogurt and it seemed to stay down (more than other stuff). There was a day that I was eating a muffin and I gave her slobbery mouth tiny pieces to suck on (as she had no concept of chewing)... she LOVED it! We gave her a bit of juice (carrot, apple and pear) with water to wash down the muffin... Some puke but not as projectile . Success for that day. She slowly began to get color in her face after the meals.
It took a few days, but slowly she became more calmer at meal time. The trauma lessened. She allowed me to rotate a few bites of food with sips of her bottle. There were a couple of really calm trusting meals. It's was so sad to see her fear of eating. Her fear of going hungry. At 2 years old she should not feel this pain associated with meals. She should not have the teeth and the body of a bulimic because her food doesn't sit in her belly. Slowly, she will trust. Slowly, she will prevail. She is tough and a fighter. And soooo darn cute. You can't help but smile at her silliness.
We were teaching her to kiss and when I thought she was kissing me back, she bit my lip so hard I thought I was going to have a fat lip (she also bit through her tongue and caused a crazy amount of blood). She has very sharp teeth. I would suspect that is what happens when you don't use them.
My most favorite mother-daughter moment was the day that she fell asleep in the carrier on our walk. She was so calm and at peace. That was precious enough but then, after our walk, and after giggling in her crib during her nap time, I pulled her into my bed. She held my hand, allowed me to stroke her hair WHILE MAKING EYE CONTACT and then fell asleep exactly like that. Seriously. I was in love. I was smitten. Precious, precious, precious!
Little Miss was 17.5 pounds when we picked her up. She was 17 pounds on her referral forms. Goes to show how much food she was NOT getting! Her skin was see through. She was skin on bone. No fat. No cute little rolls on her legs or arms. Her hair was even thin. She made no eye contact. She crossed her eyes when focusing. She barely sat up; didn't crawl or try to roll around. She had no interest in any type of toy. There was no grasp. No life in her arms or her legs. No life in her. She was so fragile and her bones stuck out of her. They were sharp; especially her sternum and ribs where she had her heart surgery. It was gross. It was scary.
Another thing I forgot to add, was how Little Miss BURNED her hand on the first day we had her. Any guesses on what she burned her hand on??? Here is a hint... her own body produced it!!! Her own VOMIT eroded her skin. She had a vicious cycle of grabbing at her tongue after puking. The puke was so acidic that it ate at her fingers. It was awful. We had to put socks on her hands pretty much the whole time we were in Bulgaria. She doesn't need the socks now and her hand has healed now. Unbelievable.
Little Miss is all over the map developmentally. Feeding is at around a 6 month old. Clothing was 12-18 months. Motor skills 9 months. But the temper tantrums fit perfectly with a 2 year old ha ha!!!!
Wow! So happy to read your update that your home and that your sweet little one finally has a family...forever! Congratulations on your new blessing!!
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