Prayer

Hi! The weather here is getting cold!  Snow has started to fall onto the mountain tops.  Brr.  It feels like just yesterday the kids were let out for summer break.  I have no idea where that time went.  It was a very busy summer and it just flew by so incredibly fast.  I've never been one for hot summers but this year I quite enjoyed the heat and I am reeeeaaallllly not looking forward to snow. 

Thank you to all who are praying for our family.  It's such an amazing feeling when you can feel the support and love from people who hear of our journey.  I went to a woman's retreat this weekend.  It was the first time I really opened up and talked about our plans for adoption.  Most of the woman I didn't know.  It took a lot of courage for me to talk to the woman.  I am not very extroverted.  I am still trying to come up with a "short and sweet" answer to the most often asked question, "What made you decide to adopt and WHY a child with Down Syndrome????" 

The short and sweet answer is GOD!!!!  I never dreamed about having five kids and the seeking out number six!!!  It was a slow process.  God gave us one kid at a time.  The miscarriages also played an important role in the development of adoption too. 

We are filling out our dossier forms.  The agency is For the Canadians out there adopting, we have to send in our marriage certificate, another security clearance form, two more medical forms from our doctors (hubby and I have different doctors), an adoption questionnaire about the "type and needs" of the child we are willing to accept and an application to adopt.

The application to adopt is an essay summary of our home study questions about our family and how we have come to adopt.   We need to include a brief description of who we are, what we do (employment, religion, others), our family and community, etc, This document is meant to be our chance to tell our story of how we came to adoption and why we want to adopt from our chosen country. No pressure!!! 

Tomorrow we will be getting our security clearances done and hubby has his doctor appointment.  I had just seen the doctor so I think she is just going to leave the form with the secretary.  Hopefully we will both have them signed off for tomorrow and then we can submit our stuff by next week. 

I am such a mess of emotions.  I am driving myself nuts...I can only imagine what my poor husband is thinking of me right now.  We have had so much big stuff break on us this last couple of weeks.  I don't think it is a coincidence that it is happening the same time we wrote a check for $13 000 and are compiling the dossier.  I truly believe that Satan is trying to do whatever it takes for this adoption to fail.  We are being tested and tested some more.  It is frustrating and definitely brings faith to a whole new level!  I admit, I feel completely defeated and scared and overwhelmed.  I know these feelings won't last and I am trying to be faithful. 

Our family needs prayer more than we need anything else.  I am hoping that this post touches you in a certain way.  That you can see where we need prayer.  I am asking for people to be our family's prayer warriors;  to pray for us even when we aren't seeking it publicly. 

If you have some great scripture you feel compelled to share with us, we would love to hear that also.  Thank you and may you all have a very blessed Thanksgiving this weekend (Canadian Thanksgiving is this weekend ;) ).  We have so much to be thankful for.  I pray that our daughter is able to share Thanksgiving with us next year (wishful thinking, I know...maybe in two?!?!?). 

Let's talk about...finances

So, it is official!  We have FINALLY met the educational requirements... we even have a certificate to prove it!  It came in the mail along with a copy of our home study and the first REALLY big bill!  I knew it was coming (the bill) but it still didn't take the shock away at seeing the total. 

Maybe this should be the post on the cost of international adoption from Canada.  This is another time I wish I lived in the States.  Their adoption cost seems to be at least $10000 cheaper.  ***Tears***

Moving past that, international adoption is EXPENSIVE!  It is actually very, very EXPENSIVE!  It is such a turn off to people with a willing heart for adoption but cannot bear the financial burden that is involved.

Before I move on, I will note that domestic adoption through the government/ministry has very minimal fees (especially if you compare it to private and international).  The ministry sets you up for success with many post adoption supports also.  So, if you have a heart for adoption and a calling then domestic may be the route for you!!! 

As most of you know, this wasn't the calling for us.  Don't think we haven't pondered it and researched it.  Heck, we have gone to adoption fairs set up by the ministry.  But, it wasn't where our hearts were led.  We were led to adopt a child with Down Syndrome.  I don't know if I posted how we arrived at Down Syndrome yet...I'll have to flip through the blog and see.  I have a feeling I didn't...I'll have to do a blog on that because we get that question A LOT! 

Anyways, we researched the heck out of Down Syndrome and adoption and adoption of children with Down Syndrome.  We also knew that we wanted a child closest to the age of our youngest (not a baby). We were shocked, to say the least, of our research findings!!  After a prenatal screening is done to determine whether a fetus tests positive with Down syndrome, 90% of those parents choose to kill their child/ abort, terminate their pregnancy! 

In other countries, parents who deliver a newborn with Down Syndrome are encouraged to relinquish their baby to the hospital/ orphanage.  The families have little options in terms of medical and social resources for raising the child. The child is considered a burden.

I'm going all over the place with this blog.  I guess there is so much to talk about and inform people about if you haven't had the opportunity to research adoption of a child with special needs before.  I said I was going to touch the cost factor though. 

We will be expecting to pay over $40 000 towards the adoption of our daughter.  Included (but not limited to) is the fee for our home study, social worker's travel expense to our home, mandatory BC adoption education, agency fees, paperwork, processing, citizenship, TRAVEL, Eastern Europe agency fees, passport and visa for daughter, translator,

Canada has VERY LITTLE in terms of grants.  Just to put this in perspective, there were a whopping total of 4 grant possibilities we could look into.  We may (or may not) qualify for one.  It is a 10 page form, complete with ALL of our personal life from finances to religion (it's a Christian grant).  We need three references and bank statements and employer info.  It is like gathering information for a home study all over again...and honestly it doesn't seem worth the pain for, what may be a MAXIMUM allowed amount, of $3000.  But...EVERY dollar is a blessing and worth the effort to get a little girl out of a cold orphanage into a family that waiting for her!!  It is no wonder that there limited adoptions by willing families!  People with the heart for adoption can not always afford to do so!    The ones who are willing to take the leap of faith either have the funds already lined up, have to take out a loan and or fundraise to offset the cost. 

There is SOOO much controversy over fundraising for adoption.  There are people that believe (very strongly) that if you don't have the means to pay for the adoption, then you shouldn't be adopting.  Plain and simple.  How many people have $40 000 just sitting around!??! 

Others believe that having more than a couple of kids is irresponsible.  They believe that these families are sucking resources from our society...blah blah blah (can you tell my position on this one ha ha). 

We have been back and forth over how we are going to fund our adoption.  We have been fortunate to have the first chunk from selling our home a couple of years ago.  The money was going to go to buying new carpet for this place (oooo, how I HATE the carpet here...it embarrasses me to no end) and a 10 year anniversary cruise for us (we didn't do the extravagant honeymoon because we were poor students back then).  We couldn't justify putting our money towards these expenses after we were called to adopt a child that needs a family.  I would have been on that cruise with a guilty conscience and every time I looked at my amazing new carpet, I would realize that our daughter was STILL in the orphanage not being held, loved, tickled, kissed, accepted.  We couldn't do it.  Adoption is what God wants us to do.  He wants us to step out in faith and BELIEVE and TRUST in Him.  Being a type A personality I am struggling (to be quite frank!). 

MANY MANY MANY MANY (this could keep going) nights I am stressing about the financial aspects of this adoption.  The travelling doesn't scare me too badly (I have never been to a foreign country, nor have I been in a plane).  The Down Syndrome aspect doesn't terrify me.  It is the funds.  I have always been the type that works hard for the money and stays out of debt (I never took out a single student loan while in university).  I keep reading other blogs to see what works for them.  We have had two different bank appointments to see about loans as a backup option.  I HATE this part.  The fees are astronomical in order to SAVE a child and welcome a blessing into a willing family!

So, ya....we are waiting on the Lord to see how this is all going to pan out.  I wholeheartedly believe that God will provide.  No doubt.  He always has.  We have ever been let down even in the midst of some very dark days. 

Please pray for our family.  Please pray for God's Will to be done and for discernment and financial blessings.

I am off to send a very large check this morning.  It was nice seeing it in our account but we are even more excited to see our daughter sooner than later!!!

Thanks for reading!  May God bless you today as well :)

Education Complete

Just a super quick update to say Thank You for the prayers! 

Our education went really well (again ha ha).  Our call was reduced from two hours to just over one hour.  We satisfied, yet another, Social Worker with our understanding of adoption lingo, Down Syndrome, resources and expectations. 

This last lady explained the reasoning for the "test" better than anyone else.  She explained that the in-person class was so many hours long and our was a drastic reduction in physical hours with an instructor.  They wanted to make sure we got all the same information.  They gave us all the same papers and we read them all. The Social Worker also explained that the families that lived in the rural areas had harder times adjusting post-adoption.

I understand WHY the need to be thorough (and I don't expect anything less than through)...I guess I just don't know why it surprised everyone we have talked to with how much research we have done on our own.  I feel like people think we picked Down Syndrome out of a hat.  I mean, really, don't all families research like crazy when preparing for an adoption; let alone a special needs one?!?!   Sheesh, I read MANY books before having my biological children...EVEN number FIVE! (OK, some of the books/articles I just laughed at because they are a bit over the top...but all-in-all most books have SOMETHING that make you go, "Ah ha!").  Why would adoption be any different?

Bah, we are trying to take everything in stride.  Tomorrow I will be getting some pictures notarized.  It took so long for people to call us back to get appointments here.  Not at all what I was expecting!  Hopefully we will be blessed with a wonderful person tomorrow and establish a rapport with him or her so that the next time we need to use them (praying that this phase comes reeeeeaaaalllly soon), we will be able to get in quicker.  Please pray for this meeting tomorrow :)

Again, thank you for the prayers. Only through God, can we walk this journey.  Our pastor said something this last Sunday in regards to how if we, as people, are comfortable in our lives and able to do our life on our own, then chances are we aren't trusting in God to the fullest and living in the Spirit.  This journey to adopt is UNCOMFORTABLE, SCARY, EXPENSIVE, HARD, FRUSTRATING and TESTS us beyond our imagination!  Yet, we are at peace that this is God's Will for us.  He is opening doors and allowing wonderful people to journey with us.  We cannot do this without God. 

With this trust in God, comes Satan and his persistent attacks.  Please continue to pray for our family.  We CANNOT do this without prayer!!!  NOT. AT. ALL.

Now that this phase is complete, we will be telling our story a bit more to other people (such as hubby's boss and coworkers and church families).  We aren't doing this (international adoption) to save anyone or to make a statement.  This is the way we were LED (by God, in case you were wondering ha ha) to grow our family.  Our prayer is that people understand this.  We do, however, feel compelled to educate others about what happens to children in certain countries that are born with special needs and we pray for God's Guidance while we dialogue with others.  We want to give an accurate and honest account of conditions and experiences that these HUMAN BEINGS encounter.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.  For those that have left comments, thank you.  If you don't agree with our adoption, find another blog that interests you.  Keep the nasty comments to yourself.  We won't post them (but you already knew that). 

Welcome to a new School Year

Alrighty, where are we at right now?  Waiting...and more waiting.  Ha ha, this is an adoption trend!  If you ever wanted to work on patience and self reflection, then adopt!  It will test you like none other! 

We missed our scheduled (mandatory by the adoption agency) educational conference call two weeks ago (a certain husband forgot to plug the main phone in when we moved it into the room we were setting up for the call!  Yikes).  So now we have it this week (Wednesday).  Please pray that our call goes well and that we only have to do this one call and then can FINALLY move into the dossier preparation phase!!!!  We want this phase over with already.  At least in the next phase of the adoption we will be preparing and filing our paperwork for the country we are adopting from. 

We have to apply for confirmation of Canadian Citizenship (part 1) very soon too.  I have the paperwork filled out (weeks ago, actually) but need to get some things notarized first.  HOPEFULLY that will be done this Wednesday also! 

It has been a CRAZY busy summer this year.  We have had so many out-of-town visitors staying with us.  It was so much fun and the paperwork just get kept getting pushed to the side.  Now it is time to BUCKLE DOWN and dive right in! I say this as I am looking at school lists and extra-curricular options for the kids that will begin shortly.  The chaos of the school year is so close! 

Believe it or not, we actually made the 9:30 church service this morning (just BARELY).  Again, we are NOT morning people in this house so this was quite the accomplishment for us and a fantastic start to the new school year.  Most of us did end up having quite a long afternoon nap today (shh).  It was rejuvenating to say the least!  The early school mornings are going to be harsh! Poor teachers...at least I get to go home and nap in the afternoon with a couple of the kids! 

Something that bummed us out this week was getting word from the Canadian Director of Reece's Rainbow that our agency does not want to work with them because they (our agency) would like to start up their own special needs program!  We are so angry!  One of the reasons we signed up with this agency was because of their involvement with Reece's Rainbow in the past.  There has been such a turn over in the staff at the agency since we have signed up..  Every director (there has been three since the new year) has different "rules" and such...very frustrating and very confusing as a client! 

The woman whom we have been corresponding with at Reece's Rainbow has been fantastic with dealing with us.  We are going to talk with our agency again because we don't know the exact details why the stop with this ministry.  It was Reece's Rainbow (and prayer, of course!) that brought us to our decision to adopt a child with Down Syndrome.  They have a forum, yahoo group and facebook page.  Here is their website too: http://reecesrainbow.org/  The families are supportive, encouraging and understanding.  Most of the families are from the US.  It would have been wonderful to have more families from Canada involved!

For now, we wait and pray. 

For those of you praying for us (thank you), here is our prayer requests:

-Conference Call goes well on Wednesday and that we are able to move on to the next phase
-Call with a bank specializing in adoption loans (Wednesday) for a possible (last resort) adoption loan to meet our needs
-to find a financial solution to fund the outrageous amount needed for international adoption (We still need to do a post on this)
-find someone reasonably priced to notarize our pictures this week to send off Citizenship forms
-kids start school this week (pray for good friends, great educators, guidance, etc)
-Our Agency's relationship with us, their clients, Reece's Rainbow, the agency in Eastern Europe

Feel free to leave a comment or a question.  If you want it private, we don't have to publish it :)

Home Study is Signed

Oh happy day!!!!  One more (BIG, HUGE, IMPORTANT) thing checked off of our adoption to-do list :D :D :D The home study is DONE.  Yippee!! 

I cleaned like the queen was coming again.  Well, not as good as day one of our home study but still better than an "average" day here.  I was taking no chances of a spur-of-the-moment spot check.  No sirree, I even helped my brother clean his suite downstairs!  Once again, the whole visit was at our kitchen table (well, except for the time that a deer was passing through the neighbours yard and she left the house to take a picture ha ha).

It was a really weird experience to see all the interviews and questionnaires summed up onto 10 sheets of paper.  It was interesting to see things we talked about reworded with the proper adoption lingo and to see how our SW viewed each member of this house.  Very weird.  I'm just glad that it is over with and that someone (that the agency viewed as mature and experienced in our "type of adoption") thinks we are capable parents and have a loving family and that we are able to embrace a daughter with special needs.  Whoo hoo! 

We were blessed to have a fantastic Social Worker.  I couldn't have picked out a better fit for our family.  She was great!  Thank you God!  A really cool turn of events for our SW, during her time with us, was that her daughter decided to relocate to this part of the area.  There are three towns around here that the daughter and her husband could basically choose from (in order for him to be close to his work) and they settled on our town.  While our SW was visiting with us, her daughter was checking out the area and soon after was house shopping.  Last weekend they made the move here and we also found out they are expecting their first baby.  My SW was a VERY proud grandma-to-be this morning!  Because of her visits with us and her daughter's move, our SW is even considering relocating here too!  Wow!  It just goes to show what a wonderful community we live in.

Thank you to everyone who has been praying for us and encouraging us.  We are so grateful. 

I am really tired this afternoon so please excuse any grammatical errors.  I get very anxious before these meetings and, in turn, I have a really hard time falling asleep and also become the first one up in the morning.  If you know me personally, you know that I am NOT a morning person and I am definitely not the first one up! I was scared and very excited to see what our SW wrote and what her opinion of us was.  I figured it wasn't going to be horrible but the anticipation of having a professional analyze your life is pretty nerve-racking!

I am also nervous about our phone call on Tuesday with, yet another Social Worker (also set up through the agency to see if we are competent in what we have learned).  I'm just really tired of all these "tests" to see if we are competent.  Don't get me wrong, I fully understand the logic behind it and I am supportive of being well educated in adoption and in Down Syndrome.  I am just frustrated with the execution of it all and the different rules/expectations that we have been given with each new person that has joined the agency.  I am anxiously awaiting the next phase in this process and that is to complete our dossier!!!  But...in order for us to begin that step we have to finish the education (again...grr) and then pay another boatload of moola. 

Boatload of moola....that is going to be another post.  For now, I am asking for this to be a prayer request at this time.  We fully believe that God is in control of this adoption...not us!  It doesn't matter how hard we try, we cannot possibly control/direct this adoption to our favour.  Only God is possible of this.  Only God knows who this little girl is and how old she is and how she will come into our family.  Only God knows how to prepare our hearts and our minds.  We are watching Him work in the lives of some people in our lives that were nay-sayers at the beginning (just like our SW).  Showing them what they need to see/hear in order for them to understand our journey and why this is the path we are choosing. 

International adoptions, unfortunately, have a very heavy price tag.  We try very hard not to let the financial burden consume us because we wholeheartedly believe that this is God's Will and that He will provide as always.  We have faith that God will show us how and where to fund this adoption.  We have options (we do not qualify for the whole two Canadian adoption grants that are out there: http://www.orphanshope.ca/ http://davethomasfoundation.ca/what-we-do/our-grants/request-funding/) but none that are really screaming out at us right now.  Again, I'll discuss the financial crap obligations of international versus domestic adoption another day. 

Thank you for walking with us! 

Second Course and a whole lotta prayer

Just when I thought we were close to the next phase of this process, our agency throws us, yet ANOTHER, curve ball.  Tomorrow we have to have a conference all with a different social worker from the agency to discuss what we did (and did not) learn from our educational component to see if she needs to supplement us with more information.  It was news to us.  We were not told this would happen.  I asked if this was a test and the agency said it wasn't....ummm....how is this NOT a test!?!?!  If we don't know enough, we get more calls!  I can see us having at least one more call after this because the info that they sent us to be discussed tomorrow was not the same as the stuff we covered in the class.  Seriously frustrating!

I have been so angry and frustrated with our agency that I have actually contemplated throwing in the towel.  It's times like this that I am so grateful for certain people in my life that encourage us and remind us about the precious daughter that we are waiting on.

I have taken for granted how easy it was for us to get pregnant.  This adoption process is far more demanding than the nine months of hell my body went through during my pregnancies (I did not have easy and wonderful pregnancies...in fact, I disliked being pregnant for the most part!).  Now, as people around me are having babies and getting pregnant, I am getting more and more mad at this intrusive and demanding process.  I want to scream and shout and have major toddler-like temper tantrums!  I would rather go through labour & delivery without and epidural than go through this journey right now! 

I have been hiding my feelings for a while.  When people ask, I usually say the process is slow and we are just trucking along.  What I really feel is that this process is making me a crazy woman, who is almost always thinking about adoption, is jealous of all the happy/easy and FAST stories about other people's adoption, is questioning myself and all aspects of my life.  I am doubting myself and stressing and worrying. 

Being summer holidays, I have been busy with the kids and holidays.  We haven't been to church in...let's just say...a while.  We are not morning people in this house and our church changed their hours to start an hour earlier for the summer time.  Seriously, whoever thought that was a good idea should be given a shake!  I understand their logistics...early church equals more hours to play in the afternoon (this is a VERY outdoorsy community).  However, I think more adults "play" later in the evenings (and maybe even the wee hours of the morning) and kids go to bed later and summertime should not be the time to make people get up earlier than the regular calender year.  Just sayin'....

I haven't been to kickboxing in WEEKS!  It doesn't help that, they too, moved their hours down to accommodate themselves and shortened their classes from four classes to a mere two.  I guess, having a newborn baby to snuggle with and cuddle and coo over is a good enough reason...but, darn it...what about me!?!?!  Ha ha!  I'm not really this selfish...hmm, or am I!??! 

Unfortunately, this reduction in punching and kicking people exercise has had a real negative impact on my body, mind and spirit (arg, I sound like a hippie here).  I went back for the first time this evening and, let me say, it was so hard to get out the door.  I could feel myself slipping into some sort major funk these past couple of weeks.  MAJOR FUNK!  I have been so grumpy and moody and sad lately, the scale has not budged (the way I want) in a very long time.  I wanted to shut the door to my bedroom, lock myself in and devour a whole black forest cake with my bare hands followed by a face stuffing of double-stuffed oreos!  Ha ha, don't worry...I still had (some) self control and will-power!  I could feel that slipping soon too.  I really need to have my outlet....hmm...or a counsellor ha ha!

So, ya...back to this adoption mountain climb (because I am not in the mood to call it a mere journey right now!!!).  I need prayer.  Our family needs prayer.  Prayer for what??? you might ask (in case you haven't already thought of a few on your own after reading this disturbing tale of cake and anger management issues ha ha).?  Well, here is a good starter list and please, feel free to add on to it ha ha:

1. Our conference call tomorrow with social worker #2
2. Our home study to be completed/signed off this weekend (this is another sore spot right now...bad communication with SW and agency...grr)
3. Finances to be sorted for next portion of our fees (this is where the chocolate cake issues manifest)
4. Strong relationships in our lives.  We are having a tough time connecting with anyone here (including/especially with the people from our church...I think I scare people...no, seriously...I don't get it...).  I really am longing for some REAL woman in my life that want to be with me and can encourage and  pray with me.  There's got to be some people out there that we click with?  Ha ha, maybe I am going to regret laying this one out there but it is a real and honest prayer request
5. Peace!!!  I don't want to be in this stupid funk anymore!!!  I want to embrace God's peace over this adoption again and all we come into contact with. 
6. The little girl that we are adopting.  At the rate we are going she may not even be born yet.  But, God has a plan and knows who she is!
7. Knowledge and resources to prepare us for the adoption of a child with Down Syndrome. 
8. Our family, the kids, our marriage, etc.

I think that is a huge list of requests.  THANK YOU to all those who have been praying for us.  I can see that our numbers are down a lot for our readers/followers but if more than a couple of people pray, God can work many miracles beyond my widest imagination!  I'm excited.  Bring it on!!!!

Education Complete

I am the WORST blogger ever.  With school ending for the summer and then having the kids home ALL DAY long, I cannot seem to find the time to sit down and get my thoughts in order. 

I am very happy to report that our AEP (Adoption Education Program) is done!!!  Yay!  I am soooo ecstatic.  It was such a hassle to have the agency set up a course from home but in the end, our agency came through for us!  We had a total of four conference calls to participate in.  We were given videos to watch and reading material to peruse.  During each call, we discussed various topics given by the facilitator.  The hard part of taking a conference call course was that I could not hide in the background in order to avoid questions!  The facilitator did a fabulous job of including each and every one of us into the discussion (whether we liked it or not!).

The second very exciting news is that we have completed our homestudy!  We are just waiting on our agency to read through the report before our Social Worker is able to have us sign off on it!  I am very curious as to what the report will say about us!  Our life is in that report!  Yikes! 

After the homestudy is signed off, we should be finally able to move on to the next phase (preparing our dossier)!  Whoo hoo!  Very exciting!  I wonder how long "soon" will be though???  The adoption process seems to go at a snails pace for us!  I have accepted it as such too.  I don't want to be disappointed and so I am trying to prepare for slow transition times, and tons of bumps in the road.  I do think that the slow transition time has given a few people the needed time to digest the fact that we are adopting.  Or maybe they are still waiting to see if it will, indeed, happen?  Heck, even I have to see it to believe it!  I get nervous just thinking about the trip to another country!  I am trying very hard not to jump steps.  I want to take things as they come or else I will be a wreck!

As much as I am trying to convince myself to accept the slow process, I reeeeaaaaalllllly want to have our last child here to complete our family!  I want to move on as a family.  I want to meet the newest addition and set up our lives with her.  I want to stop the anticipation of wondering who this child is and when she will join us.  I'd like my family to meet her and to welcome her and spoil her just like they do her sisters.  I want to witness all the firsts and milestones that she will reach.  I just want to love on her like I do our other children.

Soon...very soon...well, maybe one day....

Thanks for stopping in!  I love the comments of encouragement and am open to the questions that may be stirring! 

Please continue to pray for our family!  There is no way we would be doing this without God in the driver's seat!  The next phase requires more moola.  Please pray that we will be able to trust God's provision in the adoption!  Please pray for the little girl that is waiting for us.  Please pray for her safety and that she is well taken care of.

We pray that all people touched by this adoption ether directly or indirectly are blessed.  Take care!