Actually we have been home for many weeks now. What an adventure! It has been super busy and we have been super tired also (hence the blog not being updated).
I will post this is a few parts. Part one the lead up to getting Little Miss, part two our time in Bulgaria and part three the travel home and part four our time home thus far.
Alrighty... part one:
Where to start... I guess the last time I posted was to say that we were given dates to travel. We were asked on Wednesday, April 16th at 2:00 if we could be there for the MONDAY (April 21). Ummmm....that seemed nearly impossible! We had a school concert that Wednesday evening to attend....needless to say that was the longest concert of my life ha ha! We had from 2:00-5:00 to call the travel agent to see if it was even a possibility to get flights that quickly...did I mention the Friday was Good Friday...yep, we were being asked to plan and fly out all during EASTER! Nothing was open on Friday so we had only the few hours on Wednesday and all day Thursday to SCRAMBLE like mad to make an impossible task possible!
Through all things God, we got our flights, hotel, banking, and babysitting arranged in a day! It was super stressful and exciting at the same time. We had no time to worry about anything. We just followed God's plan for us and took each task as they came. My mom wasn't able to make it here to babysit on the short notice we gave, so we just brought the girls to my sister's place for a week and my mom drove them the 6 hours home the following week so that they could go back to school. We, thankfully, did't end up driving the girls the whole 6 hours to my sister's place. Instead, their grandpa met us halfway (which is where the airport was). Such a blessing for us to have so many people help coordinate every detail!
It was much weirder preparing for this new addition to our family. I looked around the house thinking about what may have to be child proofed again, washing bottles and sippy cups, purchasing size three diapers and an assortment of squish-able baby food packs (that were non existent with my other children), packing bags for all of us and not just the maternity bag and diaper bag. Purchasing plane tickets and hotels and exchanging currency. It was all so different.
We flew out Easter Sunday. Our van was jam packed with all eight of our suitcases, donations for the orphanage, a stroller and a car seat. The kids were happy that the Easter Bunny was able to visit them at home. They were a bit nervous that he wouldn't be able to find them. Ha ha. It worked for me too because the Bunny filled their baskets will treats for the road. Good thinking Bunny! Poor Liz though, she left all of her Easter goodies on the first plane. She was quite disappointed until we told her to pick stuff out in London ha ha.
We met grandpa for supper in Calgary and after supper we parted ways. Grandpa took four of the girls and we waved them off hoping and praying that he would survive the following 3 hours with them. It was also the first time I really broke down and cried. I hated seeing them leave. I hated not being the one to drive them. My heart ached so much. I also realized that it was becoming super real at that point. We were going to be flying out to pick up our daughter forever! I'm surprised I didn't throw up ha ha!
Liz did amazing for her first plane ride! She had so much fun and was taking it all in. We took her on the double-decker bus in London. She enjoyed sitting on the top watching how close the bus comes to the trees. It was so cute watching her. She did really well for getting very little sleep. Liz left a small water bottle in her carry on from the first flight and had to get her bag scanned because of it. Boy, can she pack a lot of stuff into her bag!! We kept a closer eye on her luggage on the way back ha ha!
Once we got to Bulgaria, our agency met up with us to drive us to the hotel. They wanted to grab Little Miss as soon as we got there, however, the director of the orphanage said we had to wait until the following day. I was kind of glad to be given the extra day to set up our hotel room and to get a bit bit of sleep before getting her. We had made reservations online at one hotel but, because of the super crazy speed we did things at and the time changes, the agency in Bulgaria already booked us in elsewhere closer to their office. Somehow our Canadian agency failed to mention that Liz was coming even though we gave the agency plenty of time to prepare things for us to take her. It was an inconvenience as we had to make different room accommodations, but it all got sorted out
Liz was exhausted (to say the least). She was not feeling too well the night we arrived in Bulgaria. All the excitement and lack of sleep caught up to her big time. We think she opened our hotel door (sleep walking) while trying to find the washroom in the middle of the night. There was an alarm on the door but we don't know why we didn't hear it go off. We had two rooms in our hotel. Liz was in the main room on a hide-a-bed. The fear of her leaving the room again and her fever resulted in her bunking with me while hubby slept on the super uncomfortable sofa couch by the door. Ahhh. Good times.
Monday, June 16, 2014
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Limbo
I think it is time for me to be completely honest, this wait has kicked my butt. I am agonizing each and every day from the time I wake up until the moment I go to bed. Everyday I wake up with hope that the day will bring good news; that we will get the email or the phone call that we have been waiting 5 months to receive; the call that tells us to go and pick up our daughter.
I feel so much anger right now. My fuse is short, my patience is nil. I try hard not to let the anger control me and my response is to be numb. Numb from feeling anything. Months have gone by wasted waiting for something to emerge from the dark hole of adoption land. Being in limbo is anything but glamorous. Every plan, every activity, every decision is made based on the "what if we get the call" scenario.
I dread the question of "have you heard anything yet". It is hard to be in public anymore because of this repetitive haunting question of curiosity and eagerness. We understand the innocence of this question and we don't hold anyone personally responsible for asking. The people who ask with love and support are different than the ones that feel the need to give us their opinion of anything adoption. This question of whether we have heard anything, however, is a constant reminder that we are still waiting and not hearing anything. Trust us... the moment we hear from our agency, that we can go get our daughter, the world will know. We WANT to share this news!
With Easter approaching, my heart is broken even more. The realization that my baby isn't here celebrating with us is gut wrenching. The thought of Mother's Day approaching and realizing that I will not have all 6 kids together is beyond disappointing. I truly, with all my heart, did not think we would be split up this long as a family.
So as each day passes, and no news is heard, I am asking with all my heart for prayer. I want this feeling of numbness and anger gone. I do not want to hear "it's in God's time" from anyone anymore. We have heard that statement said repetitively; new supportive thoughts are welcome though...just not that one anymore...please. Instead pray for peace for us. Pray for our baby. Love us. Remember who we were before this part of the process...we will get there again ha ha. If you know any lady that is overdue in her pregnancy, you can sympathize with her irritability and emotional ups and downs. Believe it or not, adoption brings out a lot of the very same responses...physically, emotionally, psychologically. It AMAZES me how similarly I am reacting to this paper pregnancy to my other pregnancies.
I want to be able to enjoy this last month before our daughter arrives. Even as we get the call to get her, we will still have a lot of prep to do; preparations that we cannot do until we get the call. Thank you to all who have poured out your love to us. Thank you for those praying for us.
Prayer. Please for I am weary.
I feel so much anger right now. My fuse is short, my patience is nil. I try hard not to let the anger control me and my response is to be numb. Numb from feeling anything. Months have gone by wasted waiting for something to emerge from the dark hole of adoption land. Being in limbo is anything but glamorous. Every plan, every activity, every decision is made based on the "what if we get the call" scenario.
I dread the question of "have you heard anything yet". It is hard to be in public anymore because of this repetitive haunting question of curiosity and eagerness. We understand the innocence of this question and we don't hold anyone personally responsible for asking. The people who ask with love and support are different than the ones that feel the need to give us their opinion of anything adoption. This question of whether we have heard anything, however, is a constant reminder that we are still waiting and not hearing anything. Trust us... the moment we hear from our agency, that we can go get our daughter, the world will know. We WANT to share this news!
With Easter approaching, my heart is broken even more. The realization that my baby isn't here celebrating with us is gut wrenching. The thought of Mother's Day approaching and realizing that I will not have all 6 kids together is beyond disappointing. I truly, with all my heart, did not think we would be split up this long as a family.
So as each day passes, and no news is heard, I am asking with all my heart for prayer. I want this feeling of numbness and anger gone. I do not want to hear "it's in God's time" from anyone anymore. We have heard that statement said repetitively; new supportive thoughts are welcome though...just not that one anymore...please. Instead pray for peace for us. Pray for our baby. Love us. Remember who we were before this part of the process...we will get there again ha ha. If you know any lady that is overdue in her pregnancy, you can sympathize with her irritability and emotional ups and downs. Believe it or not, adoption brings out a lot of the very same responses...physically, emotionally, psychologically. It AMAZES me how similarly I am reacting to this paper pregnancy to my other pregnancies.
I want to be able to enjoy this last month before our daughter arrives. Even as we get the call to get her, we will still have a lot of prep to do; preparations that we cannot do until we get the call. Thank you to all who have poured out your love to us. Thank you for those praying for us.
Prayer. Please for I am weary.
Friday, March 28, 2014
Adoption Cranky
The title is self-explanatory...we are adoption cranky. We thought for sure we would be picking up our daughter already or close to picking her up. I thought we would have her with us to celebrate Easter. It doesn't seem to be this way. We are waiting for our paperwork to go to the embassy. Hopefully we will get some travel dates after all of that is done. It is taking forever. I miss her with every part of my being. I have a huge hole in my heart that I cannot fill.
The waiting has been hard. I have not done well with it. I have gained a stupid amount of weight (having my kickboxing class close down during the middle of all of this didn't help matters either boo hoo), I can see the stress in my eyes and on my face. I am tired. Tired of waiting, tired of being asked by everyone when will we be going. I wish I could just move forward and go on with life as though nothing has changed but I can't. I have to prepare for my baby.
We have her room ready to go. I bought diapers and wipes. It was SO WEIRD buying those again!!! We bought a change table to go with those diapers and wipes ha ha! I bought some baby food for her because she most likely does not eat solids. Baby food has CHANGED since my last daughter. There are these weird looking squeeze packages now (you can even buy spoons that attach to the ends of them!!) I must have stood in the baby section for over an hour (over a few days because I got so overwhelmed with what she may or may not need that I just gave up). In the end, I pretty much grabbed one of everything and left HA HA HA!!!
I feel like a new mom again. It is really weird because I have five other kids already. Getting ready for the arrival of Little Miss is not nearly as calm as babies 2,3,4 and 5! I don't know what she eats, how she eats, what kind of bottle and/or cup to bring. Then throw in those squishy food packs sheesh!
I cannot figure out what size of clothes to bring either. She is around 18 pounds but long (she will probably be 2.5 years old by the time we get her). I though 18 months would be a bit big but doable, however, after reading the labels on the clothes, I'm thinking she may fit in 9 month clothes!! Yikes! So...I'm thinking 12 months may be the solution instead.
Not a moment passes that I don't wonder how Little Miss is doing. Is she with a baba (a special lady that teaches her how to bond and attach by spending quality time with her)? Are they preparing her for us? Do they treat her well? Are they growing her hair out instead of chopping it off like a boy (yes, I think about this ha ha)? What appointments should I be anticipating? Is my doctor actually the right person for her? If not, what is plan B? My head is spinning. I am in agony.
A couple of ladies have mentioned that they would like to throw a shower for Little Miss. I have only ever had a shower for my oldest child. It is a (really) weird concept for me. The more post-first-born baby showers that I have now gone to for other families, the more I have come to appreciate the thoughtfulness and reasons behind it. Although, it is not what I have known, it is growing on me ha ha! If I was having a newborn, I don't think the idea of having one for Little Miss would stress me out as much as it does in our situation. I honestly do not know the best way to deal with an adoption shower. Some other adopting moms suggested to have one prior to Little Miss coming home so that we can work on our attaching/bonding/cocooning (THERE WILL BE A POST ON THIS TOPIC). Others suggested waiting a few months until we get home, others say to have one and leave Little Miss at home (and/or have dad pop her by for a very quick sneak peek). Honestly, I don't know what to do at all and when I feel like this, then I just don't want to do it period. Like I said, I have nothing in me. The waiting and the roller coaster ride has sucked me dry. I need to move forward already. I also need to tell people something...oy. Any suggestions?
I have been trying to make freezer meals to keep on standby for when we get home from Bulgaria. Unfortunately, the longer we wait to go, the more meals I have used up ha ha! Having little motivation lately has made cooking supper quite the chore. It's so much easier to grab a pre-made one and healthier and cheaper than take-out. We were so incredibly jet-lagged after the last trip that I want to be as prepared as I can this time around -especially with a new child. If anyone has any good freezer meal ideas, please forward them our way.
I know there will be an end to this. I know that these "labor pains" will be worth it (and forgotten even). I know that it is all in God's hands and in His time and not mine (this saying is getting on my nerves and I don't know why). Knowing all of this doesn't make the everyday pain feel better though. No one can say that we do not want this child. If we had to do this all over again...every single piece...we would in a heartbeat. This child deserves a family and we are so lucky to be her family. We are waiting. We are praying. We are eating way too many mini eggs!
If you are praying for our family, please pray that the paperwork gets settled swiftly and accurately so that we can go soon. Please pray for Little Miss's heart to accept her new family. Please pray for her health. Please pray for her caregivers that they meet her needs with love. Please pray for all the preparations that are involved in our travel. Please pray that we find good hotels this time (we are staying in a different city). Please pray for our five here as they prepare for their new sister. Please pray that hubby and I make it through this process as a stronger couple. Please pray that we are able to help Little Miss with her needs naturally and without fear.
The waiting has been hard. I have not done well with it. I have gained a stupid amount of weight (having my kickboxing class close down during the middle of all of this didn't help matters either boo hoo), I can see the stress in my eyes and on my face. I am tired. Tired of waiting, tired of being asked by everyone when will we be going. I wish I could just move forward and go on with life as though nothing has changed but I can't. I have to prepare for my baby.
We have her room ready to go. I bought diapers and wipes. It was SO WEIRD buying those again!!! We bought a change table to go with those diapers and wipes ha ha! I bought some baby food for her because she most likely does not eat solids. Baby food has CHANGED since my last daughter. There are these weird looking squeeze packages now (you can even buy spoons that attach to the ends of them!!) I must have stood in the baby section for over an hour (over a few days because I got so overwhelmed with what she may or may not need that I just gave up). In the end, I pretty much grabbed one of everything and left HA HA HA!!!
I feel like a new mom again. It is really weird because I have five other kids already. Getting ready for the arrival of Little Miss is not nearly as calm as babies 2,3,4 and 5! I don't know what she eats, how she eats, what kind of bottle and/or cup to bring. Then throw in those squishy food packs sheesh!
I cannot figure out what size of clothes to bring either. She is around 18 pounds but long (she will probably be 2.5 years old by the time we get her). I though 18 months would be a bit big but doable, however, after reading the labels on the clothes, I'm thinking she may fit in 9 month clothes!! Yikes! So...I'm thinking 12 months may be the solution instead.
Not a moment passes that I don't wonder how Little Miss is doing. Is she with a baba (a special lady that teaches her how to bond and attach by spending quality time with her)? Are they preparing her for us? Do they treat her well? Are they growing her hair out instead of chopping it off like a boy (yes, I think about this ha ha)? What appointments should I be anticipating? Is my doctor actually the right person for her? If not, what is plan B? My head is spinning. I am in agony.
A couple of ladies have mentioned that they would like to throw a shower for Little Miss. I have only ever had a shower for my oldest child. It is a (really) weird concept for me. The more post-first-born baby showers that I have now gone to for other families, the more I have come to appreciate the thoughtfulness and reasons behind it. Although, it is not what I have known, it is growing on me ha ha! If I was having a newborn, I don't think the idea of having one for Little Miss would stress me out as much as it does in our situation. I honestly do not know the best way to deal with an adoption shower. Some other adopting moms suggested to have one prior to Little Miss coming home so that we can work on our attaching/bonding/cocooning (THERE WILL BE A POST ON THIS TOPIC). Others suggested waiting a few months until we get home, others say to have one and leave Little Miss at home (and/or have dad pop her by for a very quick sneak peek). Honestly, I don't know what to do at all and when I feel like this, then I just don't want to do it period. Like I said, I have nothing in me. The waiting and the roller coaster ride has sucked me dry. I need to move forward already. I also need to tell people something...oy. Any suggestions?
I have been trying to make freezer meals to keep on standby for when we get home from Bulgaria. Unfortunately, the longer we wait to go, the more meals I have used up ha ha! Having little motivation lately has made cooking supper quite the chore. It's so much easier to grab a pre-made one and healthier and cheaper than take-out. We were so incredibly jet-lagged after the last trip that I want to be as prepared as I can this time around -especially with a new child. If anyone has any good freezer meal ideas, please forward them our way.
I know there will be an end to this. I know that these "labor pains" will be worth it (and forgotten even). I know that it is all in God's hands and in His time and not mine (this saying is getting on my nerves and I don't know why). Knowing all of this doesn't make the everyday pain feel better though. No one can say that we do not want this child. If we had to do this all over again...every single piece...we would in a heartbeat. This child deserves a family and we are so lucky to be her family. We are waiting. We are praying. We are eating way too many mini eggs!
If you are praying for our family, please pray that the paperwork gets settled swiftly and accurately so that we can go soon. Please pray for Little Miss's heart to accept her new family. Please pray for her health. Please pray for her caregivers that they meet her needs with love. Please pray for all the preparations that are involved in our travel. Please pray that we find good hotels this time (we are staying in a different city). Please pray for our five here as they prepare for their new sister. Please pray that hubby and I make it through this process as a stronger couple. Please pray that we are able to help Little Miss with her needs naturally and without fear.
Monday, March 10, 2014
Court
We have a new sister now! We passed court!!!
We were pleasantly surprised to wake up to an email from our agency to say that we passed. It is Monday now and we are now able to think straight again. Our baby is ours now. She is coming home to some very excited big sisters. We are overjoyed. I cannot wait to hop on that plane next month and go get her. This journey is long and emotional, but she is 100% worth doing this for.
Please continue to pray that all the details get worked out for us to go pick her up. Thank you for the love and support.
We were pleasantly surprised to wake up to an email from our agency to say that we passed. It is Monday now and we are now able to think straight again. Our baby is ours now. She is coming home to some very excited big sisters. We are overjoyed. I cannot wait to hop on that plane next month and go get her. This journey is long and emotional, but she is 100% worth doing this for.
Please continue to pray that all the details get worked out for us to go pick her up. Thank you for the love and support.
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Court date
On Tuesday Morning we were given some great news! We have a court date scheduled for March 7 at 1:00 pm (Bg time)!!!
We are OVER THE MOON excited! I will not be sleeping that night!
It will be 4 am here when the fate of our family is decided by one person!
Please pray for all to be well that day. We are getting so close to bringing home our daughter!
We are OVER THE MOON excited! I will not be sleeping that night!
It will be 4 am here when the fate of our family is decided by one person!
Please pray for all to be well that day. We are getting so close to bringing home our daughter!
Monday, January 13, 2014
Why we are not given the whole chunk of money at once
I wrote this on November 8, 2012:
I wasn't comfortable publishing it at the time I wrote it. I saved it for another day. Today, a year later, I went back and read it again, knowing it was there and the knowing the reason for today's post. I think the reason I didn't post this a year ago was because of the peace I felt after this "epiphany". This peace of putting God in complete control of our financial stresses that came with adoption. It was humbling, to say the least, and amazing to see who God used to support the adoption (both financially and other ways) and how they were used. People whom we would have never expected to support us did and people whom we thought had the same ideals challenged us. It was eye opening.
So why am I posting today? Take a look at our fundraiser thermometer... God has provided the funds for this adoption. Through hard work and generous gifts we are fully funded for the next and hopefully final portion of the fees. It is sitting in our adoption account waiting for the final payments to be made.
Right now we are waiting for a court date in BG to make Little Miss our daughter! Please pray this comes quickly. It's been two months since we held our baby. I knew we would have to wait. Please pray that we have an amazing judge. Please pray for our facilitators/lawyers that are working on our behalf. We are so close, yet so far from bringing home our little one.
Thank you to everyone who is walking this journey with us. Thank you for the prayers and the encouragement. Thank you for the donations and the funds. Thank you again to the people who helped with the fundraiser at church last Christmas. Thank you to the people who organized and attended our poker tournament fundraiser last year. Thank you to the people who babysat for us. Thank you to the people who drive our kids when we are unable. Thank you to the people who listen to be freak out on them (ha ha). There is so much for us to be thankful for. Little Miss has a wonderful support system here!
It struck me this week. An epiphany, if I may. We were NEVER meant to have the full funds for this adoption right up front! Never. Ever!
Does this scare the living daylights out of us???? YEP! But most importantly, we have had to really dig into our faith in God. We have had to battle things together in our marriage about what is important to us, how we view our lives, what we want as a family, where our priorities lie, etc. Deep, deep stuff.
We have also had to reeeeeaaaallllllyyyyy come out of our comfort zone and talk to people about a very personal aspect in our lives and that is MONEY!
If we didn't have to fundraise and discuss various methods to funding this adoption, weprobablywouldn't be able to reach out and talk about God's desire for people to reach out and HELP THE OPPRESSED (whether a widow, orphan, poor, needy, etc).
We are learning as we go. I have already had a couple of people tell me that if it was them going through this adoption they would have thrown in the towel already. Truthfully, there are days that I want to. Boy, do I ever.
It's frustrating.
I wasn't comfortable publishing it at the time I wrote it. I saved it for another day. Today, a year later, I went back and read it again, knowing it was there and the knowing the reason for today's post. I think the reason I didn't post this a year ago was because of the peace I felt after this "epiphany". This peace of putting God in complete control of our financial stresses that came with adoption. It was humbling, to say the least, and amazing to see who God used to support the adoption (both financially and other ways) and how they were used. People whom we would have never expected to support us did and people whom we thought had the same ideals challenged us. It was eye opening.
So why am I posting today? Take a look at our fundraiser thermometer... God has provided the funds for this adoption. Through hard work and generous gifts we are fully funded for the next and hopefully final portion of the fees. It is sitting in our adoption account waiting for the final payments to be made.
Right now we are waiting for a court date in BG to make Little Miss our daughter! Please pray this comes quickly. It's been two months since we held our baby. I knew we would have to wait. Please pray that we have an amazing judge. Please pray for our facilitators/lawyers that are working on our behalf. We are so close, yet so far from bringing home our little one.
Thank you to everyone who is walking this journey with us. Thank you for the prayers and the encouragement. Thank you for the donations and the funds. Thank you again to the people who helped with the fundraiser at church last Christmas. Thank you to the people who organized and attended our poker tournament fundraiser last year. Thank you to the people who babysat for us. Thank you to the people who drive our kids when we are unable. Thank you to the people who listen to be freak out on them (ha ha). There is so much for us to be thankful for. Little Miss has a wonderful support system here!
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