We arrived in Canada on May 2nd. The day before we left Bulgaria, we packed up our hotel room and ventured off in a different direction than normal for our afternoon walk. I wish we would have know about the area we toured at the beginning of our trip. It was the tourist area but had so much things to look at! It would have also given Big Sis more pictures for her school report that she had to give when she arrived home! (Side note: Our Bulgarian agency knew about the report and printed off stuff for her to use because they were so proud of their culture! It was such a thoughtful gesture! They helped her with her Bulgarian also as she was determined to start her report in Bulgarian so that her classmates wouldn't know whether she knew her stuff or not ha ha! Silly girl!).
We spent a lot of time walking around our hotel while in Bulgaria. Little Miss just loved to be in the carrier. She always got excited when she saw me grab my coat and the carrier (in fact, she still does!). Having a carrier was the best thing ever! A couple of days before we left for Bulgaria, this carrier went on sale (second hand) for cheap! I had a super expensive one that I purchased a couple weeks before and ended up bringing back because this second hand one fit me much better and was so much easier to get on and off. The sidewalks in Bulgaria are BRUTAL. A stroller would never have survived. We did bring a small umbrella stroller that we used for the airport and hotel, but not for our long walks. The carrier also helped Little Miss bond with me and it helped us IMMENSELY on the plane ride!!!!
The plane ride was FANTASTIC! She barely cried!! She sat mostly on my lap (like she sat in the carrier...head on my chest) and slept through most of it thankfully! I did A LOT of praying that trip and singing to her. 7 out of 8 trips with the same airline, we had great service. The very last trip...number 8 and the longest one at that turned out to be worst. Our flight attendant was AWFUL. She wouldn't let me strap Little Miss to my lap because of her age even after explaining that we had just flown three hours with the same company and they allowed it because of the special circumstances. Mother bear hit me and after challenging the lady, she got "special permission" from the pilot to allow her to take off on my lap. The whole trip, I was basically ignored by this flight attendant but thankfully the male attendant adored us and made up for it as I was sitting alone with one child and hubby was with the other.
When we landed, we did not have any issues with immigration. Little Miss was considered a Canadian Citizen when we arrived. We were soooooo tired by the time we landed. We had been up for over 24 hours. We decided to stay the evening in Calgary before making another three hour trip home. Unfortunately, we were met with snow though and a 15-25 cm snowfall warning! It was MAY...arg! Stupid snow! After a slow drive home, we made it safe and sound and were greeted by the rest of the girls!
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
We are home (part 2)
After a tough night of some stomach issues, Liz's tummy started feeling better. Talk about a stressful night. Poor kid. We didn't know how or if we were going to get Little Miss while her big Sis was sick. Thankfully God protected and healed Liz and she was able to enjoy her first Bulgarian breakfast with us.
There were so many emotions on that "GOTCHA DAY" morning. After ALL these months and years of us waiting and praying, our daughter was FINALLY going to be ours. It was so very surreal, to say the least. So many thoughts went through our mind, " we hope she likes us again, we hope that we can meet her needs, we hope that she doesn't have uncontrollable crying fits that we can't handle, etc" Ahhhh...the nerves hit us HARD! But is was equally exciting!
The drive to Little Miss' village was fun. It was neat showing Liz a little of her little sister's country. It was such an eye opener for her. She couldn't believe that people drove with horse and cart still ha ha! I'm glad that we took her. I hope that her memories always stay with her.
When we arrived at the orphanage, the director gave Liz a huge kiss and a chocolate (that we later learned was filled with brandy) HA HA HA HA! The director was excited to see Little Miss with go with us. It was such a super busy morning. They took our donations, got us to sign stuff, took the outfit for Little Miss to change her into. The lady in charge of feeding told us about her diet. In the middle of the discussion, they brought Little Miss to us! After that the world stopped! It was SURREAL to see this baby in an outfit that was picked out for her in Canada. An outfit that she was forever leaving in. She was beautiful! She didn't remember us, I don't think. She warmed up to us right away though. The guilt I had for leaving her at the orphanage in between trips hit me hard (it still hits me). I know that we had no say in the process of leaving her in between trips, but leaving your baby to a place that makes your heart break is devastating. Seeing her months later with no change to her...no weight change, no developmental change...extra heart breaking!
The orphanage staff gave Little Miss a beautiful send off. They had a speech prepared for her which we were not ready for. Before we knew it, the staff were huddled together and someone was talking really fast in Bulgarian while our translator was trying to catch up. It was beautiful...the stuff we could understand. We took pictures and did lots of hugging and thanking the staff. As we left the building, we were given another ceremony with rose water that we were to walk through. It was really sweet. I just really wished we knew about these before hand so that we could have really experienced everything instead of being surprised by it all.
Little Miss puked and puked and puked! She puked right into my mouth (and into the director's ha ha)! GROSS! All over anyone that held her. The staff in charge of her feeding told us she does not eat off a spoon; only bottle fed. They told us she puked because she sticks her hand into her mouth and makes herself. They told us not to let her put her hand into her mouth and kept scolding her whenever she did it. We figured this wasn't right. The orphanage sent us off with two bottles for lunch. One with juice and the other was a bottle with a huge hole cut out for potato soup.
We decided to try feeding Little Miss the food that the orphanage staff had sent with her for lunch. It was a busy morning as we had to take her to get her passport photo directly from the orphanage (that was NOT FUN either!!!). We didn't want to change too much of her routine right away and wanted to see how she fed. That lunch feeding was the saddest moment I had. Eating was so traumatizing for her. She drank both of her bottles in three minutes flat. No break. A total fear that she wasn't getting anything else if she even took a break. There was zero eye contact. Her body was rigid. You could see the fear she had. You could feel the longing to get every last drop of her bottles. She ate her bottle with zero enjoyment, no taste, nothing. She turned her head to the side and lifted her chin so high up to fully open up her throat to chug the contents of her bottle down.
Sure enough, as soon as she was done her feed, she threw up EVERYWHERE. ALL DAY. We all smelled like puke in Bulgaria. The bottle she was given by the orphanage was the only one she knew. It was the one we saw her drink from on trip one. It allowed too much air for a child with Down Syndrome. Unfortunately, the ones we brought for her she HATED. She wouldn't drink milk, only juice. We knew that being in country was all about survival for all of us. We couldn't wait to get back home so that we would have all of our resources available to try to get Little Miss to drink/eat.
After spending a very long time at the grocery store, we bought some baby food for her to try. Ha ha, funny story about the grocery store: They were handing out samples of what I thought was canned juice. Nope it was full cans of beer (they told me after giving me mine and then telling me why Liz couldn't have one. Ha ha) then we tried another sample in the store and it was another grapefruit beer. Ha ha. Momma was getting drunk in the grocery store. Lol. (Kidding). Anyways, Little Miss did not like ANY of the Bulgarian baby food (I think it was too thick for her). Thankfully she loved the pureed food we brought from home! She even ate off of a spoon! Grr, to the staff who said she couldn't! She was a champ! we also found out she loved the Danone brand of yogurt and it seemed to stay down (more than other stuff). There was a day that I was eating a muffin and I gave her slobbery mouth tiny pieces to suck on (as she had no concept of chewing)... she LOVED it! We gave her a bit of juice (carrot, apple and pear) with water to wash down the muffin... Some puke but not as projectile . Success for that day. She slowly began to get color in her face after the meals.
It took a few days, but slowly she became more calmer at meal time. The trauma lessened. She allowed me to rotate a few bites of food with sips of her bottle. There were a couple of really calm trusting meals. It's was so sad to see her fear of eating. Her fear of going hungry. At 2 years old she should not feel this pain associated with meals. She should not have the teeth and the body of a bulimic because her food doesn't sit in her belly. Slowly, she will trust. Slowly, she will prevail. She is tough and a fighter. And soooo darn cute. You can't help but smile at her silliness.
We were teaching her to kiss and when I thought she was kissing me back, she bit my lip so hard I thought I was going to have a fat lip (she also bit through her tongue and caused a crazy amount of blood). She has very sharp teeth. I would suspect that is what happens when you don't use them.
My most favorite mother-daughter moment was the day that she fell asleep in the carrier on our walk. She was so calm and at peace. That was precious enough but then, after our walk, and after giggling in her crib during her nap time, I pulled her into my bed. She held my hand, allowed me to stroke her hair WHILE MAKING EYE CONTACT and then fell asleep exactly like that. Seriously. I was in love. I was smitten. Precious, precious, precious!
Little Miss was 17.5 pounds when we picked her up. She was 17 pounds on her referral forms. Goes to show how much food she was NOT getting! Her skin was see through. She was skin on bone. No fat. No cute little rolls on her legs or arms. Her hair was even thin. She made no eye contact. She crossed her eyes when focusing. She barely sat up; didn't crawl or try to roll around. She had no interest in any type of toy. There was no grasp. No life in her arms or her legs. No life in her. She was so fragile and her bones stuck out of her. They were sharp; especially her sternum and ribs where she had her heart surgery. It was gross. It was scary.
Another thing I forgot to add, was how Little Miss BURNED her hand on the first day we had her. Any guesses on what she burned her hand on??? Here is a hint... her own body produced it!!! Her own VOMIT eroded her skin. She had a vicious cycle of grabbing at her tongue after puking. The puke was so acidic that it ate at her fingers. It was awful. We had to put socks on her hands pretty much the whole time we were in Bulgaria. She doesn't need the socks now and her hand has healed now. Unbelievable.
Little Miss is all over the map developmentally. Feeding is at around a 6 month old. Clothing was 12-18 months. Motor skills 9 months. But the temper tantrums fit perfectly with a 2 year old ha ha!!!!
After spending a very long time at the grocery store, we bought some baby food for her to try. Ha ha, funny story about the grocery store: They were handing out samples of what I thought was canned juice. Nope it was full cans of beer (they told me after giving me mine and then telling me why Liz couldn't have one. Ha ha) then we tried another sample in the store and it was another grapefruit beer. Ha ha. Momma was getting drunk in the grocery store. Lol. (Kidding). Anyways, Little Miss did not like ANY of the Bulgarian baby food (I think it was too thick for her). Thankfully she loved the pureed food we brought from home! She even ate off of a spoon! Grr, to the staff who said she couldn't! She was a champ! we also found out she loved the Danone brand of yogurt and it seemed to stay down (more than other stuff). There was a day that I was eating a muffin and I gave her slobbery mouth tiny pieces to suck on (as she had no concept of chewing)... she LOVED it! We gave her a bit of juice (carrot, apple and pear) with water to wash down the muffin... Some puke but not as projectile . Success for that day. She slowly began to get color in her face after the meals.
It took a few days, but slowly she became more calmer at meal time. The trauma lessened. She allowed me to rotate a few bites of food with sips of her bottle. There were a couple of really calm trusting meals. It's was so sad to see her fear of eating. Her fear of going hungry. At 2 years old she should not feel this pain associated with meals. She should not have the teeth and the body of a bulimic because her food doesn't sit in her belly. Slowly, she will trust. Slowly, she will prevail. She is tough and a fighter. And soooo darn cute. You can't help but smile at her silliness.
We were teaching her to kiss and when I thought she was kissing me back, she bit my lip so hard I thought I was going to have a fat lip (she also bit through her tongue and caused a crazy amount of blood). She has very sharp teeth. I would suspect that is what happens when you don't use them.
My most favorite mother-daughter moment was the day that she fell asleep in the carrier on our walk. She was so calm and at peace. That was precious enough but then, after our walk, and after giggling in her crib during her nap time, I pulled her into my bed. She held my hand, allowed me to stroke her hair WHILE MAKING EYE CONTACT and then fell asleep exactly like that. Seriously. I was in love. I was smitten. Precious, precious, precious!
Little Miss was 17.5 pounds when we picked her up. She was 17 pounds on her referral forms. Goes to show how much food she was NOT getting! Her skin was see through. She was skin on bone. No fat. No cute little rolls on her legs or arms. Her hair was even thin. She made no eye contact. She crossed her eyes when focusing. She barely sat up; didn't crawl or try to roll around. She had no interest in any type of toy. There was no grasp. No life in her arms or her legs. No life in her. She was so fragile and her bones stuck out of her. They were sharp; especially her sternum and ribs where she had her heart surgery. It was gross. It was scary.
Another thing I forgot to add, was how Little Miss BURNED her hand on the first day we had her. Any guesses on what she burned her hand on??? Here is a hint... her own body produced it!!! Her own VOMIT eroded her skin. She had a vicious cycle of grabbing at her tongue after puking. The puke was so acidic that it ate at her fingers. It was awful. We had to put socks on her hands pretty much the whole time we were in Bulgaria. She doesn't need the socks now and her hand has healed now. Unbelievable.
Little Miss is all over the map developmentally. Feeding is at around a 6 month old. Clothing was 12-18 months. Motor skills 9 months. But the temper tantrums fit perfectly with a 2 year old ha ha!!!!
Monday, June 16, 2014
We are home (part 1)
Actually we have been home for many weeks now. What an adventure! It has been super busy and we have been super tired also (hence the blog not being updated).
I will post this is a few parts. Part one the lead up to getting Little Miss, part two our time in Bulgaria and part three the travel home and part four our time home thus far.
Alrighty... part one:
Where to start... I guess the last time I posted was to say that we were given dates to travel. We were asked on Wednesday, April 16th at 2:00 if we could be there for the MONDAY (April 21). Ummmm....that seemed nearly impossible! We had a school concert that Wednesday evening to attend....needless to say that was the longest concert of my life ha ha! We had from 2:00-5:00 to call the travel agent to see if it was even a possibility to get flights that quickly...did I mention the Friday was Good Friday...yep, we were being asked to plan and fly out all during EASTER! Nothing was open on Friday so we had only the few hours on Wednesday and all day Thursday to SCRAMBLE like mad to make an impossible task possible!
Through all things God, we got our flights, hotel, banking, and babysitting arranged in a day! It was super stressful and exciting at the same time. We had no time to worry about anything. We just followed God's plan for us and took each task as they came. My mom wasn't able to make it here to babysit on the short notice we gave, so we just brought the girls to my sister's place for a week and my mom drove them the 6 hours home the following week so that they could go back to school. We, thankfully, did't end up driving the girls the whole 6 hours to my sister's place. Instead, their grandpa met us halfway (which is where the airport was). Such a blessing for us to have so many people help coordinate every detail!
It was much weirder preparing for this new addition to our family. I looked around the house thinking about what may have to be child proofed again, washing bottles and sippy cups, purchasing size three diapers and an assortment of squish-able baby food packs (that were non existent with my other children), packing bags for all of us and not just the maternity bag and diaper bag. Purchasing plane tickets and hotels and exchanging currency. It was all so different.
We flew out Easter Sunday. Our van was jam packed with all eight of our suitcases, donations for the orphanage, a stroller and a car seat. The kids were happy that the Easter Bunny was able to visit them at home. They were a bit nervous that he wouldn't be able to find them. Ha ha. It worked for me too because the Bunny filled their baskets will treats for the road. Good thinking Bunny! Poor Liz though, she left all of her Easter goodies on the first plane. She was quite disappointed until we told her to pick stuff out in London ha ha.
We met grandpa for supper in Calgary and after supper we parted ways. Grandpa took four of the girls and we waved them off hoping and praying that he would survive the following 3 hours with them. It was also the first time I really broke down and cried. I hated seeing them leave. I hated not being the one to drive them. My heart ached so much. I also realized that it was becoming super real at that point. We were going to be flying out to pick up our daughter forever! I'm surprised I didn't throw up ha ha!
Liz did amazing for her first plane ride! She had so much fun and was taking it all in. We took her on the double-decker bus in London. She enjoyed sitting on the top watching how close the bus comes to the trees. It was so cute watching her. She did really well for getting very little sleep. Liz left a small water bottle in her carry on from the first flight and had to get her bag scanned because of it. Boy, can she pack a lot of stuff into her bag!! We kept a closer eye on her luggage on the way back ha ha!
Once we got to Bulgaria, our agency met up with us to drive us to the hotel. They wanted to grab Little Miss as soon as we got there, however, the director of the orphanage said we had to wait until the following day. I was kind of glad to be given the extra day to set up our hotel room and to get a bit bit of sleep before getting her. We had made reservations online at one hotel but, because of the super crazy speed we did things at and the time changes, the agency in Bulgaria already booked us in elsewhere closer to their office. Somehow our Canadian agency failed to mention that Liz was coming even though we gave the agency plenty of time to prepare things for us to take her. It was an inconvenience as we had to make different room accommodations, but it all got sorted out
Liz was exhausted (to say the least). She was not feeling too well the night we arrived in Bulgaria. All the excitement and lack of sleep caught up to her big time. We think she opened our hotel door (sleep walking) while trying to find the washroom in the middle of the night. There was an alarm on the door but we don't know why we didn't hear it go off. We had two rooms in our hotel. Liz was in the main room on a hide-a-bed. The fear of her leaving the room again and her fever resulted in her bunking with me while hubby slept on the super uncomfortable sofa couch by the door. Ahhh. Good times.
I will post this is a few parts. Part one the lead up to getting Little Miss, part two our time in Bulgaria and part three the travel home and part four our time home thus far.
Alrighty... part one:
Where to start... I guess the last time I posted was to say that we were given dates to travel. We were asked on Wednesday, April 16th at 2:00 if we could be there for the MONDAY (April 21). Ummmm....that seemed nearly impossible! We had a school concert that Wednesday evening to attend....needless to say that was the longest concert of my life ha ha! We had from 2:00-5:00 to call the travel agent to see if it was even a possibility to get flights that quickly...did I mention the Friday was Good Friday...yep, we were being asked to plan and fly out all during EASTER! Nothing was open on Friday so we had only the few hours on Wednesday and all day Thursday to SCRAMBLE like mad to make an impossible task possible!
Through all things God, we got our flights, hotel, banking, and babysitting arranged in a day! It was super stressful and exciting at the same time. We had no time to worry about anything. We just followed God's plan for us and took each task as they came. My mom wasn't able to make it here to babysit on the short notice we gave, so we just brought the girls to my sister's place for a week and my mom drove them the 6 hours home the following week so that they could go back to school. We, thankfully, did't end up driving the girls the whole 6 hours to my sister's place. Instead, their grandpa met us halfway (which is where the airport was). Such a blessing for us to have so many people help coordinate every detail!
It was much weirder preparing for this new addition to our family. I looked around the house thinking about what may have to be child proofed again, washing bottles and sippy cups, purchasing size three diapers and an assortment of squish-able baby food packs (that were non existent with my other children), packing bags for all of us and not just the maternity bag and diaper bag. Purchasing plane tickets and hotels and exchanging currency. It was all so different.
We flew out Easter Sunday. Our van was jam packed with all eight of our suitcases, donations for the orphanage, a stroller and a car seat. The kids were happy that the Easter Bunny was able to visit them at home. They were a bit nervous that he wouldn't be able to find them. Ha ha. It worked for me too because the Bunny filled their baskets will treats for the road. Good thinking Bunny! Poor Liz though, she left all of her Easter goodies on the first plane. She was quite disappointed until we told her to pick stuff out in London ha ha.
We met grandpa for supper in Calgary and after supper we parted ways. Grandpa took four of the girls and we waved them off hoping and praying that he would survive the following 3 hours with them. It was also the first time I really broke down and cried. I hated seeing them leave. I hated not being the one to drive them. My heart ached so much. I also realized that it was becoming super real at that point. We were going to be flying out to pick up our daughter forever! I'm surprised I didn't throw up ha ha!
Liz did amazing for her first plane ride! She had so much fun and was taking it all in. We took her on the double-decker bus in London. She enjoyed sitting on the top watching how close the bus comes to the trees. It was so cute watching her. She did really well for getting very little sleep. Liz left a small water bottle in her carry on from the first flight and had to get her bag scanned because of it. Boy, can she pack a lot of stuff into her bag!! We kept a closer eye on her luggage on the way back ha ha!
Once we got to Bulgaria, our agency met up with us to drive us to the hotel. They wanted to grab Little Miss as soon as we got there, however, the director of the orphanage said we had to wait until the following day. I was kind of glad to be given the extra day to set up our hotel room and to get a bit bit of sleep before getting her. We had made reservations online at one hotel but, because of the super crazy speed we did things at and the time changes, the agency in Bulgaria already booked us in elsewhere closer to their office. Somehow our Canadian agency failed to mention that Liz was coming even though we gave the agency plenty of time to prepare things for us to take her. It was an inconvenience as we had to make different room accommodations, but it all got sorted out
Liz was exhausted (to say the least). She was not feeling too well the night we arrived in Bulgaria. All the excitement and lack of sleep caught up to her big time. We think she opened our hotel door (sleep walking) while trying to find the washroom in the middle of the night. There was an alarm on the door but we don't know why we didn't hear it go off. We had two rooms in our hotel. Liz was in the main room on a hide-a-bed. The fear of her leaving the room again and her fever resulted in her bunking with me while hubby slept on the super uncomfortable sofa couch by the door. Ahhh. Good times.
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Limbo
I think it is time for me to be completely honest, this wait has kicked my butt. I am agonizing each and every day from the time I wake up until the moment I go to bed. Everyday I wake up with hope that the day will bring good news; that we will get the email or the phone call that we have been waiting 5 months to receive; the call that tells us to go and pick up our daughter.
I feel so much anger right now. My fuse is short, my patience is nil. I try hard not to let the anger control me and my response is to be numb. Numb from feeling anything. Months have gone by wasted waiting for something to emerge from the dark hole of adoption land. Being in limbo is anything but glamorous. Every plan, every activity, every decision is made based on the "what if we get the call" scenario.
I dread the question of "have you heard anything yet". It is hard to be in public anymore because of this repetitive haunting question of curiosity and eagerness. We understand the innocence of this question and we don't hold anyone personally responsible for asking. The people who ask with love and support are different than the ones that feel the need to give us their opinion of anything adoption. This question of whether we have heard anything, however, is a constant reminder that we are still waiting and not hearing anything. Trust us... the moment we hear from our agency, that we can go get our daughter, the world will know. We WANT to share this news!
With Easter approaching, my heart is broken even more. The realization that my baby isn't here celebrating with us is gut wrenching. The thought of Mother's Day approaching and realizing that I will not have all 6 kids together is beyond disappointing. I truly, with all my heart, did not think we would be split up this long as a family.
So as each day passes, and no news is heard, I am asking with all my heart for prayer. I want this feeling of numbness and anger gone. I do not want to hear "it's in God's time" from anyone anymore. We have heard that statement said repetitively; new supportive thoughts are welcome though...just not that one anymore...please. Instead pray for peace for us. Pray for our baby. Love us. Remember who we were before this part of the process...we will get there again ha ha. If you know any lady that is overdue in her pregnancy, you can sympathize with her irritability and emotional ups and downs. Believe it or not, adoption brings out a lot of the very same responses...physically, emotionally, psychologically. It AMAZES me how similarly I am reacting to this paper pregnancy to my other pregnancies.
I want to be able to enjoy this last month before our daughter arrives. Even as we get the call to get her, we will still have a lot of prep to do; preparations that we cannot do until we get the call. Thank you to all who have poured out your love to us. Thank you for those praying for us.
Prayer. Please for I am weary.
I feel so much anger right now. My fuse is short, my patience is nil. I try hard not to let the anger control me and my response is to be numb. Numb from feeling anything. Months have gone by wasted waiting for something to emerge from the dark hole of adoption land. Being in limbo is anything but glamorous. Every plan, every activity, every decision is made based on the "what if we get the call" scenario.
I dread the question of "have you heard anything yet". It is hard to be in public anymore because of this repetitive haunting question of curiosity and eagerness. We understand the innocence of this question and we don't hold anyone personally responsible for asking. The people who ask with love and support are different than the ones that feel the need to give us their opinion of anything adoption. This question of whether we have heard anything, however, is a constant reminder that we are still waiting and not hearing anything. Trust us... the moment we hear from our agency, that we can go get our daughter, the world will know. We WANT to share this news!
With Easter approaching, my heart is broken even more. The realization that my baby isn't here celebrating with us is gut wrenching. The thought of Mother's Day approaching and realizing that I will not have all 6 kids together is beyond disappointing. I truly, with all my heart, did not think we would be split up this long as a family.
So as each day passes, and no news is heard, I am asking with all my heart for prayer. I want this feeling of numbness and anger gone. I do not want to hear "it's in God's time" from anyone anymore. We have heard that statement said repetitively; new supportive thoughts are welcome though...just not that one anymore...please. Instead pray for peace for us. Pray for our baby. Love us. Remember who we were before this part of the process...we will get there again ha ha. If you know any lady that is overdue in her pregnancy, you can sympathize with her irritability and emotional ups and downs. Believe it or not, adoption brings out a lot of the very same responses...physically, emotionally, psychologically. It AMAZES me how similarly I am reacting to this paper pregnancy to my other pregnancies.
I want to be able to enjoy this last month before our daughter arrives. Even as we get the call to get her, we will still have a lot of prep to do; preparations that we cannot do until we get the call. Thank you to all who have poured out your love to us. Thank you for those praying for us.
Prayer. Please for I am weary.
Friday, March 28, 2014
Adoption Cranky
The title is self-explanatory...we are adoption cranky. We thought for sure we would be picking up our daughter already or close to picking her up. I thought we would have her with us to celebrate Easter. It doesn't seem to be this way. We are waiting for our paperwork to go to the embassy. Hopefully we will get some travel dates after all of that is done. It is taking forever. I miss her with every part of my being. I have a huge hole in my heart that I cannot fill.
The waiting has been hard. I have not done well with it. I have gained a stupid amount of weight (having my kickboxing class close down during the middle of all of this didn't help matters either boo hoo), I can see the stress in my eyes and on my face. I am tired. Tired of waiting, tired of being asked by everyone when will we be going. I wish I could just move forward and go on with life as though nothing has changed but I can't. I have to prepare for my baby.
We have her room ready to go. I bought diapers and wipes. It was SO WEIRD buying those again!!! We bought a change table to go with those diapers and wipes ha ha! I bought some baby food for her because she most likely does not eat solids. Baby food has CHANGED since my last daughter. There are these weird looking squeeze packages now (you can even buy spoons that attach to the ends of them!!) I must have stood in the baby section for over an hour (over a few days because I got so overwhelmed with what she may or may not need that I just gave up). In the end, I pretty much grabbed one of everything and left HA HA HA!!!
I feel like a new mom again. It is really weird because I have five other kids already. Getting ready for the arrival of Little Miss is not nearly as calm as babies 2,3,4 and 5! I don't know what she eats, how she eats, what kind of bottle and/or cup to bring. Then throw in those squishy food packs sheesh!
I cannot figure out what size of clothes to bring either. She is around 18 pounds but long (she will probably be 2.5 years old by the time we get her). I though 18 months would be a bit big but doable, however, after reading the labels on the clothes, I'm thinking she may fit in 9 month clothes!! Yikes! So...I'm thinking 12 months may be the solution instead.
Not a moment passes that I don't wonder how Little Miss is doing. Is she with a baba (a special lady that teaches her how to bond and attach by spending quality time with her)? Are they preparing her for us? Do they treat her well? Are they growing her hair out instead of chopping it off like a boy (yes, I think about this ha ha)? What appointments should I be anticipating? Is my doctor actually the right person for her? If not, what is plan B? My head is spinning. I am in agony.
A couple of ladies have mentioned that they would like to throw a shower for Little Miss. I have only ever had a shower for my oldest child. It is a (really) weird concept for me. The more post-first-born baby showers that I have now gone to for other families, the more I have come to appreciate the thoughtfulness and reasons behind it. Although, it is not what I have known, it is growing on me ha ha! If I was having a newborn, I don't think the idea of having one for Little Miss would stress me out as much as it does in our situation. I honestly do not know the best way to deal with an adoption shower. Some other adopting moms suggested to have one prior to Little Miss coming home so that we can work on our attaching/bonding/cocooning (THERE WILL BE A POST ON THIS TOPIC). Others suggested waiting a few months until we get home, others say to have one and leave Little Miss at home (and/or have dad pop her by for a very quick sneak peek). Honestly, I don't know what to do at all and when I feel like this, then I just don't want to do it period. Like I said, I have nothing in me. The waiting and the roller coaster ride has sucked me dry. I need to move forward already. I also need to tell people something...oy. Any suggestions?
I have been trying to make freezer meals to keep on standby for when we get home from Bulgaria. Unfortunately, the longer we wait to go, the more meals I have used up ha ha! Having little motivation lately has made cooking supper quite the chore. It's so much easier to grab a pre-made one and healthier and cheaper than take-out. We were so incredibly jet-lagged after the last trip that I want to be as prepared as I can this time around -especially with a new child. If anyone has any good freezer meal ideas, please forward them our way.
I know there will be an end to this. I know that these "labor pains" will be worth it (and forgotten even). I know that it is all in God's hands and in His time and not mine (this saying is getting on my nerves and I don't know why). Knowing all of this doesn't make the everyday pain feel better though. No one can say that we do not want this child. If we had to do this all over again...every single piece...we would in a heartbeat. This child deserves a family and we are so lucky to be her family. We are waiting. We are praying. We are eating way too many mini eggs!
If you are praying for our family, please pray that the paperwork gets settled swiftly and accurately so that we can go soon. Please pray for Little Miss's heart to accept her new family. Please pray for her health. Please pray for her caregivers that they meet her needs with love. Please pray for all the preparations that are involved in our travel. Please pray that we find good hotels this time (we are staying in a different city). Please pray for our five here as they prepare for their new sister. Please pray that hubby and I make it through this process as a stronger couple. Please pray that we are able to help Little Miss with her needs naturally and without fear.
The waiting has been hard. I have not done well with it. I have gained a stupid amount of weight (having my kickboxing class close down during the middle of all of this didn't help matters either boo hoo), I can see the stress in my eyes and on my face. I am tired. Tired of waiting, tired of being asked by everyone when will we be going. I wish I could just move forward and go on with life as though nothing has changed but I can't. I have to prepare for my baby.
We have her room ready to go. I bought diapers and wipes. It was SO WEIRD buying those again!!! We bought a change table to go with those diapers and wipes ha ha! I bought some baby food for her because she most likely does not eat solids. Baby food has CHANGED since my last daughter. There are these weird looking squeeze packages now (you can even buy spoons that attach to the ends of them!!) I must have stood in the baby section for over an hour (over a few days because I got so overwhelmed with what she may or may not need that I just gave up). In the end, I pretty much grabbed one of everything and left HA HA HA!!!
I feel like a new mom again. It is really weird because I have five other kids already. Getting ready for the arrival of Little Miss is not nearly as calm as babies 2,3,4 and 5! I don't know what she eats, how she eats, what kind of bottle and/or cup to bring. Then throw in those squishy food packs sheesh!
I cannot figure out what size of clothes to bring either. She is around 18 pounds but long (she will probably be 2.5 years old by the time we get her). I though 18 months would be a bit big but doable, however, after reading the labels on the clothes, I'm thinking she may fit in 9 month clothes!! Yikes! So...I'm thinking 12 months may be the solution instead.
Not a moment passes that I don't wonder how Little Miss is doing. Is she with a baba (a special lady that teaches her how to bond and attach by spending quality time with her)? Are they preparing her for us? Do they treat her well? Are they growing her hair out instead of chopping it off like a boy (yes, I think about this ha ha)? What appointments should I be anticipating? Is my doctor actually the right person for her? If not, what is plan B? My head is spinning. I am in agony.
A couple of ladies have mentioned that they would like to throw a shower for Little Miss. I have only ever had a shower for my oldest child. It is a (really) weird concept for me. The more post-first-born baby showers that I have now gone to for other families, the more I have come to appreciate the thoughtfulness and reasons behind it. Although, it is not what I have known, it is growing on me ha ha! If I was having a newborn, I don't think the idea of having one for Little Miss would stress me out as much as it does in our situation. I honestly do not know the best way to deal with an adoption shower. Some other adopting moms suggested to have one prior to Little Miss coming home so that we can work on our attaching/bonding/cocooning (THERE WILL BE A POST ON THIS TOPIC). Others suggested waiting a few months until we get home, others say to have one and leave Little Miss at home (and/or have dad pop her by for a very quick sneak peek). Honestly, I don't know what to do at all and when I feel like this, then I just don't want to do it period. Like I said, I have nothing in me. The waiting and the roller coaster ride has sucked me dry. I need to move forward already. I also need to tell people something...oy. Any suggestions?
I have been trying to make freezer meals to keep on standby for when we get home from Bulgaria. Unfortunately, the longer we wait to go, the more meals I have used up ha ha! Having little motivation lately has made cooking supper quite the chore. It's so much easier to grab a pre-made one and healthier and cheaper than take-out. We were so incredibly jet-lagged after the last trip that I want to be as prepared as I can this time around -especially with a new child. If anyone has any good freezer meal ideas, please forward them our way.
I know there will be an end to this. I know that these "labor pains" will be worth it (and forgotten even). I know that it is all in God's hands and in His time and not mine (this saying is getting on my nerves and I don't know why). Knowing all of this doesn't make the everyday pain feel better though. No one can say that we do not want this child. If we had to do this all over again...every single piece...we would in a heartbeat. This child deserves a family and we are so lucky to be her family. We are waiting. We are praying. We are eating way too many mini eggs!
If you are praying for our family, please pray that the paperwork gets settled swiftly and accurately so that we can go soon. Please pray for Little Miss's heart to accept her new family. Please pray for her health. Please pray for her caregivers that they meet her needs with love. Please pray for all the preparations that are involved in our travel. Please pray that we find good hotels this time (we are staying in a different city). Please pray for our five here as they prepare for their new sister. Please pray that hubby and I make it through this process as a stronger couple. Please pray that we are able to help Little Miss with her needs naturally and without fear.
Monday, March 10, 2014
Court
We have a new sister now! We passed court!!!
We were pleasantly surprised to wake up to an email from our agency to say that we passed. It is Monday now and we are now able to think straight again. Our baby is ours now. She is coming home to some very excited big sisters. We are overjoyed. I cannot wait to hop on that plane next month and go get her. This journey is long and emotional, but she is 100% worth doing this for.
Please continue to pray that all the details get worked out for us to go pick her up. Thank you for the love and support.
We were pleasantly surprised to wake up to an email from our agency to say that we passed. It is Monday now and we are now able to think straight again. Our baby is ours now. She is coming home to some very excited big sisters. We are overjoyed. I cannot wait to hop on that plane next month and go get her. This journey is long and emotional, but she is 100% worth doing this for.
Please continue to pray that all the details get worked out for us to go pick her up. Thank you for the love and support.
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