Overloaded

Here is the raw truth...

I am having trouble.  I cannot stop obsessing thinking about adoption....or orphans...or money. 

It is driving me crazy!! 

I try to distract myself to pass the time.  It isn't working to much.

During our process thus far, I have seen various family and friends become pregnant and HAVE their babies already!  Some of these babies are getting big now too!  ARG!  I want my turn already!!! I admit, I feel pretty selfish saying that out loud.  I have been blessed already with five amazing children.  It saddens me to think of those couples that have fertility issues.  My heart goes out to them.  I could not imagine waiting to conceive and have the disappointment and "time loss" trying for a biological child... for the money, time and mental exhaustion spent on infertility treatments that fail them and then for the money and exhaustion related to adoption...those men and women are amazing.  To want a child so badly and to fight so hard to be a parent is...awe inspiring.

I cannot stop thinking, though, how "my" child is out there in an orphanage without a mommy to kiss and hug her.  She could be getting so many supports right now but instead is being treated like her life isn't of value.  She could be playing in the mud with her sisters right now, instead she will be lucky if her groupa goes outside to play.  She could be eating food that nourishes her body and allows it to grow...instead she is being malnourished because the funds for food isn't sufficient enough...nor are the funds sufficient for proper clothes and footwear. 

My daughter probably had sores on her tushy from her diapers not being changed regularly.  Her skin isn't being taken care of.  Her hair has no body or shine...if she even has hair (she could have the famous shaved/boy cut, easy-to-handle hair...blah!).  Her breath probably reeks from poor dental hygiene.  Her teeth full of plaque because the adults who are taking care of her are too busy to give individual attention.  Poor sweet child.  Does she know God??  Is someone teaching her?  Does anyone read to her? 

There are SO MANY orphans!!!  All around the world!  Here in Canada...in our communities!  Yes, we are going around the world to pick up our daughter.  This is where God has led us.  For various reasons (described in various blog posts). 

Older children and teens!  These children have such a bleak future!  I just read of a very young teen in an Asian country that is in an orphanage.  She is BEAUTIFUL!  She didn't choose to grow up an orphan!  What is worse...they are training her in massage "therapy" right now.  Ummm...do you know what kind of massage place this YOUNG girl will be working in!??!!??!  I could puke just thinking about this!  It's not only in Asia...it's in North America too!  These vulnerable children have no one to fight for them!  Human trafficking is REAL.  Slavery...REAL.  Child Prostitution....REAL. 

There is a reason that God tells us to take care of the orphans!  ALL OF THEM!!!!  (and the widows too).  The oppressed need US! 

If it is not you calling to adopt an orphan...that's OK...do something that is within your abilities! 

Advocate for orphans so that others hear the cry/the plea to adopt/sponsor/foster.

Financially Support - If you are able...donate!!!  This isn't a plea to fund our adoption... this is for orphanages and shelters and families that are struggling and also for people who want to adopt but need some assistance.

Goods and Services - Group homes, orphanages, foster families, shelters, hospitals, nursing homes, etc...they could all use SOMETHING whether it is groceries, clothing, food, companionship, supplies, volunteers, handy people, etc.  We all have something that can bless someone else! 

Pray.  Ask God to use you.  Ask God to show you where a need is.  Ask God to bless your contributions.  Pray for the individuals in shelters and homes and institutions.  Pray for the needy, the malnourished, the disabled, the abused, the poor and the lonely.  Pray for the workers and volunteers.  Pray for the people adopting and for others to step up and adopt.  Pray for our country, our world, our communities, our leaders, our educators, our neighbours, our families. 

Approved by the MOJ

We found out a couple of days ago that our dossier has been accepted by the B* Ministry of Justice (MOJ).  It was actually accepted a month ago (Feb 20th) but the agency just received the letter.  Whoot whoot!  We are thrilled!  It's another step in the right direction. 

Now what???  We wait...again....

Theoretically, we could be matched today ha ha...or we could have to wait years.  It all depends on if there is a little girl available for our family.  This wait is painful! 

We will either be matched by the MOJ or there may be a child on the waiting list that comes out every month that we may come across and inquire about. 

There have been a couple of little ones on the waiting list that we have inquired about.  Turns out that other adoptive families have similar taste!  It's great to see these kids get homes!  This route seems impossible to find someone within our parameters.  The wait list has a lot of older children.  According to our agency, we must adopt in birth order with a one year age gap between the kid that we are adopting and our current youngest child.  This is to stop any artificial twinning of siblings.  I can see the reason behind this. Developmentally, however, our daughters would not be the same as their chronological ages.  Oh well, I am going to pick and choose my battles and this isn't going to be one of them.

We have been putting off fundraising for a while.  Without an accepted dossier, we had a hard time being motivated to do anything adoption related.  We have been putting aside as much funds as we can save in the mean time.  Sloooowly our thermometer keeps rising.  We are thankful for that! We still need to come up with a large sum for our first trip.  Again, this could come quickly or we may still have some more time to slowly put aside money.  It is such a shame that it costs so much money. 

Our daughter will be worth every penny that we scrape up, every sacrifice that we make and every tear that we have shed!   I can't wait to meet my daughter.  My heart and my home feels empty knowing that our family circle is not complete yet.  We love this child that we have not met.

Her sisters pray every single day for their "new" sister. The second youngest always asks when we are going on an airplane to pick her up.  Our youngest tells God at every meal (yes, our food gets cold after her discussion with God ha ha) that her new sister can have her red dog (Clifford) and she can share a bunk bed with her and that she will say "please can I have my toy back" to her (use her manners instead of grab things from her ha ha!!).  Little Miss doesn't understand at all why her sister is not here yet!  Quite frankly daughters...neither do we. 

We appreciate all of you who are praying for our family.  Let's continue to pray for a match with our daughter!!!  Summer is coming up...I'm thinking that would be a great time for travel #1 ha ha!!!  It would sure help with the babysitting/school situation of the other kids.  All in God's time...I know...I know....

Adoption Land

It is kind of boring for us in Adoption Land.  Nothing new to report yet.  How I long for the  day that I can update this blog with some exciting news!  We are hoping that our paperwork FINALLY gets submitted with the B* government SOON (as in their next meeting...). 

We were BLESSED with another amazing donation from someone at our church. We are so very grateful that God is blessing this adoption in ways we could never do on our own!!!  We finally updated our little thermometer on this page and we were ecstatic to see God's provisions!!!  Wow! 

Would you please pray for our agencies/the people working with us throughout this journey.  We would like their hearts to be open to the uniqueness of our journey.  We want to see that they are working with us to get a child out of an orphanage and into a loving home. 

Please pray for the B* Government as they meet and go over the adoption dossiers.  Pray that our file gets accepted with no problems.  Of course, we would LOVE to be matched up sooner than later too.  That being said, prayer for patience during this process would be much appreciated too. 

It amazes me that we are going through this journey.  Because of this adoption, we have been able to meet so many amazing people, we have had our priorities change, and we have had to humble ourselves in uncomfortable ways.  There are times where I feel so discouraged but yet I would NEVER think to throw in the towel.  There is a little girl out there waiting and depending on us to have FAITH in GOD to free her from a life in an institution.  She is worth it!  I cannot wait to tell her this!!!! 

Thank you

Our thermometer is slowly creeping up!  Thank you to whomever gave us the envelope of money a week ago at church and to the person (M) who donated money through our agency!  We are so grateful!!!! 

Boo hoo...Whaaaaaa

That is me crying...why?  Because we didn't get the one and only grant that we could apply for.  It's hard not to take it personally that we were rejected!  I know that God has this and that there is a reason the other families receive this financial assistance.  It doesn't make it any easier to see the rejection letter though.  No reason behind it other than they (the grant providers) prayed over all the applications and were drawn to other families.  We prayed over applying and receiving this grant...ya...what can I say?!?!?   I know this is just bitterness talking but I feel discouraged. 

I hate not hearing anything about where our paperwork is at.  I don't like that I can't communicate with our B* agency because it has to be done through the guys here.  I am discouraged with all the red tape and stupid rules.  I want people to be on our team...to fight with us...to think outside the box and try to see things from our point of view! 

I'm tired of seeing how easy it is for a certain country to adopt internationally.  Canada needs to learn a thing or two about how to make it easier to adopt!  What a gong show!  I get it...there are rules in place for a reason...yep, get it!  I like rules, I have always been a rule follower (except for speeding...shh...I maaaaay have a heavy foot here and there....).  When people don't explain the rational behind the rules and procedures, or worse...the people of authority don't even know why they are in place...then I get mad! 

I am mad!  This isn't a happy post today.  I wanted to have the raw emotions out there and this is how I (we) feel at the moment!  Discouraged, frustrated, sad. 

I have come across two files recently of children that we are eligible for... I want to know why my agencies haven't discussed them with us.  Why do I get to see a picture of one amazing child only to see another family say they are going for her!?!  I try.  I give up.  I can't challenge that other country.  They have so much more flexibility.

I know what you are thinking...I am talking a lot about...ME!  MY wants, MY desires, MY expectations... this adoption is about the little girl that GOD has planned for us.  Why am I having such a hard time accepting this?  I feel like these files come up and we pray over them and ask things like, "why did we see them?  Is this who we should be fighting for?  Do we inquire?  Do we just sit still and wait?  Do we do nothing BUT wait?"  I want God's direct line!  What are we supposed to do right now!?!??!

Pray. 

That is all I can do.  That is what I am asking of those who are reading this.  I have no strength.  I haven't for a while.  I need to be lifted in prayer.  Satan is fighting this adoption again.  He can't win...he can't get in my head and cause doubt and anger and sadness anymore! 

Please pray.  God moves mountains.  I live in a town, LITERALLY surrounded by mountains (there is a mountain every direction that I look).  Mountains are huge.  This adoption isn't huge for God.

Thanks for supporting us.

Blessed

I know this is a bit late.  It has been a crazy busy week.  School was winding down for Christmas break and we had three concerts for the girls this week.  Then to top things off, I have been sick for two weeks (going on three) and the girls have been taking turns becoming sick in one way or another. 

Our first fundraiser was hosted by our church last Sunday.  Let me just say...it went above and beyond our expectations.  God told us to trust Him.  I admit, that I panicked, I doubted and I was scared that the fundraiser wasn't going to be a success.  My standard for a successful event was to *hopefully* fundraise something over $500 (I was really hoping for $1000).  Can you imagine our surprise when we were told that we were blessed with EIGHT times the amount that I predicted!?!?!Eight TIMES...our church raised and blessed our family with over $4000!!!!!!  Our NEXT set of fees is available!!!!! As soon as we get a proposal we are ready to go :)   Well, that is until we have to travel ha ha!

Thank you to all who donated items to our auction; the kids who created the art and ornaments to be auctioned and, of course, the people who bid and donated financially.  We are humbled and grateful to be able to put these blessings towards this little girl's ransom!  Our daughter-to-be was blessed with a BEAUTIFUL blanket that was donated by one awesome lady and bid by another amazing woman.  The bidder donated it to our little one!  I CAN NOT wait to wrap her up in it!  It's so soft and heavy.  It will be a great sensory blanket for her!

We were in total shock and disbelief for a couple of days following the news of the amount raised.  We were filled with so many emotions. We felt extremely blessed and humbled and in complete awe.  We also felt like fools because we got scared, because we panicked and questioned and doubted leading up to the day.  We keep seeing the awesomeness of God and how He is preparing the way for his child.  God put us on this path and He is definitely making the path straight!  Maybe one day I will get over myself and stop taking things into my own hands; stop worrying and doubting and trust more. 

“I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.  (Matt 17:20)

This verse played over and over in my head the days leading up to the fundraiser.  A mustard seed is so very very tiny and I can't even come up with that much faith at times!  Even when I know in my heart and have seen the proof and keep telling myself, " God has a plan, God is in control, trust God, etc", I would still hear the voice of opposition.  Sometimes it comes through thoughts of doubt and fear and other times it comes through other people's words and actions.

While we wait for our paperwork to be accepted by the B government, we ask that people join us in prayer as we wait to hear the results of the grant we applied for.  We *should* be hearing back with the decision in the next couple of weeks.  It will be also be a huge blessing to our adoption fund! It still frustrates me how expensive international adoption is.  It's just not fair to the poor children that are waiting for a family.  Thank you to everyone that prays for us.  Thank you so much!

Dossier going to country

Our Dossier has taken its trip around Canada!  Whoop whoop!  It is being sent off to B in the next day or so (at least that is what my agency had said).  I just mailed off the next fees to the agency today too.  Nothing like paying over $2000 right before Christmas!  Barf!  Oh well, maybe, just maybe we will have our wee one here next Christmas????  You never know!

I went to the bank today to get the money order (we had to have the fees transferred to USD funds...make sense???  I don't think so either!).  The lady helping me waived the bank fees once she figured out it was for an adoption.  How nice was that!?!?  I, then, went back to the post office (they know me there now ha ha) to have the money order mailed off.  I must have sounded like a crazy lady to them. I was basically saying to the poor lady behind the counter that the envelope was a money order and asked if it was best to register mail it because it is worth a lot of money and I didn't want it lost or anything blah blah blah....ha ha!  She looked at the envelope that clearly states it's to the adoption agency and tells me that the truck is out back and she'll stick it on right now (which she did as I was standing there).  Wow!  Nice people today!  God put the right people in my path today.

Now it is time to get the fundraising pumping!  Once the dossier is submitted to the Ministry of Justice in B, they will review it and may request additional documents (arg, I pray they don't need anything else from us!!!).  Once our application is accepted, we will be entered into the database of adoptive applicants waiting to be matched with our daughter!!!!  Oh.My.Goodness!!!!  Yikes!

Once we are matched (this could be very quickly or could be a while too), we will be required to pay our agency $4700 to go ahead and proceed.  So...this is the next targeted fee!  It looks VERY daunting.  We are still praying that we receive the grant from ABBA.  It would make a HUGE dent in the $4700.  Please add this to your prayers. 

After the proposal fees are paid, then come the ones for the agency in B, travel, accommodations, orphanage donations, food, passport for child, etc.  After talking with the travel agent, we estimate our travel to be over $6000 each trip.  Yay!  Factor in the B agency fees, etc this portion of the adoption process will cost around $20000. 

What a scary number.  I think I may need to have a piece of chocolate! 

God has opened doors throughout this journey.  We continue to ask for your prayers, specifically for the grant to be given to us, the paperwork to get to the right people, the forms to be good, ,all the people involved in every aspect of this journey, our family, the little girl we are waiting for, and for the fundraiser on Sunday to be successful. 

Thanks!