Preparing for Home Study #2

Two of the blogs that I am following are travelling or just about to travel.  Very exciting and scary!   I can't even imagine that step into the adoption process.  The country that we are looking at adopting from wants us to do two one-week trips (three months apart).  One of the reasons we chose this country was because their travel requirements weren't as long as other countries.  Some countries require a one month stay!  Yikes!  With five young kids at home, I don't know how we could have pulled it off.  I still don't know how the whole travel process is going to work.  I try to put it on the back burner so that I don't stress about it.  I try very hard not to think about the fact that my first airplane trip may be a super long international trip! Ok...I am now putting all those thoughts and fears of travel BACK into the vault... right now I have to worry  prepare for our next home study on Saturday!  Eek!!!

This upcoming home study should be a bit easier to prepare for.  I'm not going to clean like a manic this time but I am going to make sure every room is tidy just in case she ends up somewhere in the house besides the dinning room.  Unfortunately my brother won't be here to take the kids during our visit.  Hubby has his one-on-one this time so I will be able to distract the girls for an hour while that takes place.  My sister also mailed some new movies for the girls to watch during the visits.  I am so grateful for that!  Yep, I am not ashamed to say that I will be using the TV as a babysitter ha ha! 

Prayer requests: Hubby's one-on-one interview, the home study in general, the social worker in charge of our case (safe travel for her, knowledge and understanding, etc), please continue to pray for the orphans throughout the world, please pray for our family as we prepare to add another daughter, please continue to pray for our agency (we still need to get the educational component done as part of our home study)

First Homestudy Visit

We spent the week cleaning and organizing.  Our house was clean but still looked like five young kids live here (and three 4-week old kittens). Our Social Worker arrived "late".  It wasn't until a half an hour went by that we realized that there is a time zone difference between where she lives and where we are.  Now we know that for next time ha ha!

The girls all went to bed late last night.  Dumb planning on my part.  I thought they would sleep in this morning and we'd have a calm start.  Well...that backfired!  They woke up grumpy and "pestery".  I was so scared that world war three was about to erupt while the SW was here.  Thankfully, some Lego with mom calmed them down.  They were all very excited to meet the lady and to have a movie and popcorn with their uncle.  I am so very thankful that my brother is staying with us for three months (for work) while we are having our visits.  God has fantastic timing!!!

Did I mention our SW is AWESOME!?!?!  She has to drive 5 hours to get here.  Yuck!! It is "cheaper" for us to pay for her travel allowance than it is for us to make arrangements for a sitter plus have both of us travelling 10 hours.  Our SW has family very close by and so she and her daughter have made today's visit into a social opportunity for themselves.  She will be reducing our visits from the proposed 6-7 (1-2 hours long) to 4 (3 hour) long visits.  Of those four, she is going to do one via e-mail to save on costs!!!  AWESOME!  The final one, the one where she shows us the home study report and has us sign it, she is going to swing by here while going to visit her family to alleviate even more of the costs!!!  Praise God!!!!  We are so very, very grateful!! 

So what did we do today?  We went over why we wanted to adopt, what our families felt about it, what kind of resources we have, experiences with special needs children, how we spend our time and how the inclusion of another child will fit in.  I also had my one-on-one interview today and Corey will have his the next visit. 

The one-on-one is a challenge because you have to talk about yourself.  What are your strengths, weaknesses, hobbies, what do you fight with your spouse about, how do you handle conflict, what does a good and bad day look like to you.  I wish I could remember the questions but the whole afternoon was such a blur.

When we were finished for the day, I asked her if she would be doing a walk through of the house.  She told me that she was basically looking to see that we have adequate room for another child and a play area for the children.  She said she had no concerns.  As she peeked in our family room, I asked her if she would like a tour anyways.  By golly, I cleaned the house up from top to bottom just for her I sure wanted her to see it at its best ha ha!!!  She seemed to love our house, yard and view as much as we did when we moved in.  Very good meeting today.

When she was packing up, my husband mentioned how we are thinking of staying in Paris for a couple of nights during one of the stop overs to our chosen country (to combine our 10 year wedding anniversary).  The SW indirectly told us to plan for our trip to Paris as she was leaving.  Ummm...I think she liked us!!!  Yay!!!  That 100% made me relax.  She was a great lady.  There is no denying that God's hands are in this adoption.

Friday night I also got a FANTASTIC email from our agency.  It seems they finally got their act together and partnered up with the association that provides the mandatory educational component to our home study.  The association is going to create an online version for our agency geared at international adoption.  I was soooo happy to get that email.  Now, let's see if they follow through and get it done in a timely manner.  Keep praying.  It seems minor, but to our family and other's in similar situations, this will not only be more convenient but also way more economical.

I am exhausted now.  The kids are all in bed and I am going to do anything but clean today!  I'm thinking a sappy movie may be in order!  Tomorrow is Mother's Day here so a very happy day to all the moms out there! 

Thank you for your prayers and support.  Some of you have been such rocks to us and we appreciate your love.  Please pray for us and this adoption journey.  Please continue to pray for the home study process and the agency that we are working with.  Please lift our family up in prayer.  We absolutely cannot do this without God.  Financially, we are not there yet either and we prayerfully seek God's wisdom and blessings for the funds to be in place for the adoption.  To God be the Glory!

Kickboxing and Adoption

I was pretty calm about this Saturday's appointment with our Social Worker until last night.  I don't know what happened to me but I can't seem to shake off this feeling of helplessness and lack of control.  I feel unsettled and unprepared...I feel frozen.  I should be doing housework and research and yet all I do is surf the Internet and do minimal cleaning.  I don't want to panic.  I don't want to yell at the kids.   I want this week to be relaxing and happy and calm.

Before last night, I had an inner sense of peace about our first home study.  I could sense God's calmness and could sense that we were being prayed over.  I don't know how else to describe it...

Even as I try to explain last night's breakdown, I know that I am still being held through this.  I am not reacting the way I have normally reacted to stress.  This is a good thing. 

So what happened last night?  Kickboxing happened.  Usually I feel some kind of success or accomplishment from my class.  Last night, was completely opposite.  I froze, panicked, blanked out, gave up, was pushed too far, and essentially, got a fantastic punch to the face. 

I got home feeling completely devastated, embarrassed, discouraged, hopeless, unsuccessful, out of control and incompetent.  I couldn't get my head wrapped around all this frustration.  Thankfully, my husband has a great listening ear and let me vent and sort through these feelings out loud.

You know when you were in school and your English teacher made you compare and contrast two stories?  I always hated doing those assignments.  But here I am , doing the same thing...comparing and contrasting my adoption process with my kickboxing process.

Last night, my instructor was teaching us offensive tactical moves.  We were asked to pair up and manipulate our opponent. I seriously do not know what happened to me.  Everything I had learned and practiced was erased.  I was completely out of my comfort zone (just like adoption).  The others in my class were observing this train wreck that I could not control.  I wanted to get off the mat and just observe, not to be the one on display.  I was pushed encouraged to keep going; to stay in the game.  Mentally, I couldn't do it; I shut down.  I felt hopeless.  I tried so hard to fight back tears of embarrassment and frustration.  And then in that moment, it was as if everything I was holding in about my fears for Saturday came flooding to my head!  Arg, not a good time or place to become "a girl".  Very soon after, I was paired up again.  I have never gone into a match hoping to get scored on so that I could leave the game.  But, that is what I did and I payed the price for it... thank God, I do not have a black eye today. 

In my adoption journey, God has made it clear to us that this is the journey we are to embark upon.  We felt a calling to pursue a special needs adoption.  This path is already punching us in the face, playing mental games on us and knocking us on our butts.  I am out of my comfort zone.  People are aware of our journey; we are being scrutinized for our decisions.  We are on the offence and the defence.  Every time we get a bump, God encourages to keep going; to stay in the game.  I have gone into this journey researching adoption, researching what needs we are comfortable pursuing and how it will affect everyone in my life.  With the homestudy approaching, I feel like I am getting into the "ring" only to freeze up; to forget what I know and practice.  I don't want to shut down or feel embarrassed or humiliated again for making the wrong moves; or worse, for not making any moves.

I heard the song 10 000 Reasons (Bless the Lord) by Matt Redman three times in the last 24 hours.  Powerful.  Beautiful.  I dont' know if this link will work (probably not) but you can Google it if you don't know it.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jYLTn4fKYQ

"The sun comes up
Its a new day dawning
Its time to sing your song again
What ever may pass and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes"

Thank you for praying for us.  We are blessed to have many people encouraging us and praying for us.

Social Worker Assigned

FINALLY, we have a social worker (SW) assigned to our family!  She is 4.5 hours away from us.  Silliness, if you ask me!  The agency wanted to have someone "experienced" because we are SEEKING OUT a special needs adoption (the SW told me on the phone that this was a new one for her too...someone choosing special needs -this is going to be a whole other blog topic!!!) .  This really bites because we have to pay her gas mileage to have her come out here. I, personally, think that there is just as qualified people closer by. The plus side is that she is going to keep our visits to four 3-hour long sessions. That seems do-able. Our first session is next Saturday!

It is frustrating because the director from the agency that we have been bunting heads with has now just left on an educational leave.  This leaves us with yet another director that we have to get a "feel" for. Grr.  All we can do is pray.  Nothing is in our hands.  I can't control any of this.  I hate the feeling of being out of control.  I am learning though.  Learning to just let things happen as they do. 

This week we will be moving in my "baby" brother to the basement.  He got a three month position here.  It is a good trial run for him as he has never been out on his own and I think it will help us out too while we have our appointments.  Hee hee hee, he doesn't know what he is getting into yet ;) .  Nah, in all honesty, I think he is FANTASTIC with the kids.  He will be a great dad whenever that day comes.  I'm thinking that I will pull out some crafty things that the kids can do while our SW is here and pop in a movie that they haven't seen yet.  For the most part, they are good through the whole movie and that will kill 1.5 hours of our first visit.  Crafty thing...beads maybe...something easy...playdough???  I don't know yet...something easy, yet something they won't fight about :)

I have a lot of cleaning to do to get ready for our homestudy visit.  I am TERRIFIED about this visit.  I am already dreaming about it and not sleeping well.  The fate of this adoption rests in her hands.  She is the say-all of whether we are a stable family, whether we have a stable marriage, whether we are able to take in a child with special needs!  I have to brush up on the special needs and how this will impact our family.   She wants to know about our support systems, resources available, our expectations, her expectations, whether we researched the special needs of choice -what is the meaning of it and how that will impact our marriage, kids, family. 

Did I mention I am PETRIFIED!?!?!?!  Please keep me in your prayers.  Please keep our family in your prayers and please pray for our SW. 

Thanks for visiting.  Hopefully I will be on top of my writing more :).  Then again, with five kids, a spring tea to bake for, a kickboxing test, my brother moving in, researching, driving the kids to their activities and frantic cleaning...it may be a while before I post again :)

Keeping it real

I'm keeping it real today.  No sugar coating.  Just raw emotions.

I started this blog to keep family and friends updated on our process.  The papers are all in the hands of the agency.  FYI the process is SLOOOOOW!!!!!!!!!  Very, mind-numbingly slow.  It is so slow that it allows too much time for my mind to start contradicting my heart.  Can I really wait this long?  In our case, it was so much quicker to get pregnant and raise our children.  I know this is Satan feeding us this garbage but there are times where I begin to doubt EVERYTHING!  The reality though is that it just makes us pray harder.  In God's time, right!? 

Right now, we are waiting for our Social Worker to contact us.  Waiting, waiting, waiting.  Do I sound impatient today?  Do I sound frustrated?  I am trying hard to live my life and "go with the flow".  I do not "go with the flow" very well but I am TRYING.  You would think that my five kids would distract me a bit more.  Nope...they are just a reminder that I am missing one!  I keep envisioning our life with our new daughter.  Where would she sleep?  Who is going to share bedrooms with who?  What kinds of needs will she have?  Will I need to buy another van?  Where, oh where, are the rest of the funds going to come from???  Arg! 

Then there is the AEP that we have to take.  Boy, oh boy, is this testing my every nerve right now.  I can't even think about it without my face burning red with frustration.  We have to take this course sooner than later.  All the courses are FAR away from where we live.  I'm talking 11-12 hour drive!  If we take a plane that is extra funds benign taken from our adoption account.  Not to mention food, hotel, gas.  We need a sitter for the kids.  I was under the impression that it was a weekend course...nope!  It is over TWO weekends.  Ummm....how the heck are we supposed to swing this one!?!?  We were told that a on-line version would possibly start up in April.  That would have been wonderful if it did!  Now they are talking the summer time...arg!  We are supposed to have this done by then.  There isn't a guarantee that it will even start up in the summer either.  Arg!  So...now we wait...pray...hope...that we can be an exception to the rules and do this class with our Social Worker here! 

Please pray for this AEP course to be sorted out.  We cannot adopt unless we take it.  Ideally, we would like to refrain from travelling to take this course.  Please pray for this to work for us.  Please pray for an amazing Social Worker to be assigned to us.  Please, pray for our little one that may or may not be born.  Please pray for the nay-sayers that are against us (yes, you know who you are and we are praying for you!!!).  Please pray for me and all this doubt and fear and frustration...I know it isn't from God...I need it gone!  Gone, gone,gone!

Thank you for taking the time to read our (non)update.  I hope to have something to share soon. 

Paperwork Round Two

...is FINISHED!  Whoot Whoot!  I am ecstatic!

As mentioned previously, our agency gave us A LOT of forms to fill out and people to visit before they will send over the social worker to do our home study. Our lovely references were given quite the task of saying nice things about us as well! 

I was shown the forms they had to fill out.  Oh my stars, I had a hard time doing it on myself...those poor, poor ladies!  I am so very grateful that they did this for us!  They were asked the obvious questions like how they know us, our characteristics (check list), whether we have a stable marriage, our experience with kids, how we relate to other adults, and so forth. 

The harder questions asked how many friends we have, how active we are in the community and church, how many family contacts we have. They asked how our kids would respond to another child entering our family.  How we would preserve the child's cultural heritage.  How we handle stress.  They were given another checklist of poor behaviours we may have: whether we abuse drugs or alcohol, have a poor work history, are violent, manage money poorly, have a mental illness/depression/suicidal tenancies, etc.  It sounds easy enough until your brain realizes the importance of how you word your answers.  Like my sister said, I couldn't imagine reading all the cheesy answers day in and day out!


So..what did we do for this package?

• Medical Checks - Corey, myselfI and the kids - All clear!!  We have been working VERY hard to lose weight, exercise and work on ourselves.  I was the most scared about this part of the process because we have new doctors and they barely met us.  It turned out way easier than anticipated!  And best of all...it cost us NOTHING!  Phew!
• Criminal Record Checks -Easy Peasy and also cost us NOTHING!  Seriously awesome!
• Prior Contact Check -We thought we were going to have to drive an hour for this one but were really happy to hear that the office does it here!  And it cost NOTHING as well!
• Complete an Autobiography -This SUCKED!!!  It was the worst part of this paperwork round!  Corey wrote a HUGE essay and mine was to the point.  I'm a need to know kind of person (well, except on this blog ha ha).
• 11 page questionnaire about our upbringing, discipline and parenting styles- This was also one of the most difficult surveys.  And very, very personal (like how sexually compatible are you and your partner...ummm!!?!?!  really!?!?!?!)
• Create an Eco Map -This seems rather tedious and useless if you ask me.  Google Eco Map and you'll get an idea of what it is.
• Create a Genogram/ Family Map -Basically a very extensive version of a family tree starting from our parents down to our children.
• Photocopy Marriage Certificate
• Photocopy Pay stub
• Photocopy Property Assessment/ Rental Agreement
• Get passport -This was the most expensive part of this round!  I am now waiting for it in the mail...yay (maybe I can use it for our 10 year wedding anniversary coming up -hint, hint Corey)

So, tomorrow, I will head to the post office and come back a very excited woman!  Whoot whoot!

Please continue to pray for us.  Please pray for the little girl that will (God willing) be placed in our family. Please pray for the Social Worker that will be in charge of our file (that s/he will fit our family). Please pray for our agency that we are dealing with and the people in charge of our file. Please pray for the financial support for this adoption.

Thank you for stopping by!

Update

Oh my, it has been a really long time since I posted and I am really sorry for not keeping you in the loop!  You know how it goes... a day turns into two, and then a week, and before you know it weeks go by!  I actually had two posts waiting to be published/ finished!  Regrettably, now those events and prayer requests just seem like the distant past and so I deleted them.  I will incorporate them into this update instead!  And I WILL publish this one!

Our agency gave us a lot of forms to fill out and people to visit before they will send over the Social Worker to do our Home Study.  I couldn't get into the doctor until the end of March so we have been slowly chipping away at our list.  I have received word that our lovely references have also been given quite the assignment to fill out on our behalf!  I feel really bad for them as there are some really crazy and personal questions on their forms!!!  I sure hope I didn't do anything to tick them off as they do their write ups!

So..what do we need to do?

• Medical Checks - Corey and I
• Medical Clearance -Kids
• Criminal Record Checks
• Prior Contact Check
• Complete an Autobiography
• Fill out a 11 page questionnaire about our upbringing, discipline and parenting styles
• Create an Eco Map
• Create a Genogram
• Photocopy Marriage Certificate
• Photocopy Pay stub
• Photocopy Property Assessment/ Rental Agreement

In addition to this, I need to get a passport.  I have never been on an airplane...let alone going on an international flight!  Yikes!

This all seems surreal and very, VERY daunting.  I am really nervous about my medical even though Corey has already finished his and "passed". The autobiography SUCKS to write!  They gave us a general guideline/ questions to answer but it is still really difficult to talk about myself.  I want to "get the questions right" and not answer in a way that will open me up for any major discussions with the Social Worker.  I am almost finished my very rough draft and Corey hasn't begun his yet (typical male...grr!).  He is, however, taking on the Eco Map and Genogram because he will get to do fancy things on the computer ha ha!  Two less things I have to worry about (well, sort of)!

So my dear friends and family, please continue to pray for us.  We have had our emotional ups and downs this month.  Please pray that the paperwork gets settled, for the medical exam to go smoothly, for guidance and wisdom and support and strength.  Please pray for the little girl that will (hopefully) be placed in our family.  Please pray for the Social Worker that will be in charge of our file (that s/he will fit our family).  Please pray for our agency that we are dealing with and the the new people in charge of our file. 

We are truely grateful that God is financially blessing us.  We are a long ways away from where we need to be but we have faith that God will surely provide.  Until we have the finances available, this will definitely be a fear/ concern/ prayer request for us.  I can't help but feel overwhelmed by the cost.  This is an area that I need people to pray for me about.